I am enamored by the concept and the term of “paying it forward“.  It was popularized by Robert A. Heinlein in his book Between Planets, published in 1951.  The expression is used to describe the idea of asking that a good deed be repaid by having it done to others instead of you.  When it comes to money - the expression specifically means the creditor offers the debtor the option of  “paying” the debt (forward) by lending the amount to a third person instead of paying it (back) to the original creditor.

So, in the spirit of this concept, I invite you to share your financial knowledge, what worked and didn’t work for you, and how you’ve successfully managed your personal finances in order to provide some money management principles to which younger women can aspire.  And as you do this - remember the person who gave you an early loan in the spirit of providing financial guidelines. 

Since 90% of all women - married or single - will be responsible for their own financial future, young women must get the education needed to take control of personal money management reins for whatever reason. The reasons are far reaching, they’re global and almost always accompanied by daunting - if not massive - financial dilemmas (divorce, downsizing, stepfamilies, birth, death, aging or frail parents, career changes, children, career ceilings) that compromise women attaining and maintaining their lifestyle.

I have a serious commitment to teaching financial independence to young women.  My husband and I have four daughters - his two and my two - between the ages of 31 to 36.  We’re working to change their psychological approach and attitudes about money - from the traditional and loving but misguided idea that they don’t really need to know - to encouraging them and impressing upon them the importance of becoming educated about how to take care of themselves financially independently.

Their financial plans and ours share some vital components that go into the paying it forward category.  Women should:

• Show proactive leadership in early investing through such vehicles as investment clubs and scheduled gatherings in order to share information (and build momentum for understanding) about wealth building.
• Make a commitment to identify and partner women and wealth as a means of fostering entrepreneurship.
• Understand that financial independence and romance can peacefully co-exist.
• Use extreme care regarding co-mingling money, assess your own risk tolerance and know the risk tolerance of your spouse or partner.
• Actively support and continue building wealth while integrating work and family life - remembering that time away from work (as women bear children or take leaves of absence to care for elderly parents) means an interruption in the accumulation of pension funds.
• Give the children in our lives an early lesson about investing and the magic of compounding by giving them stock as gifts (a share in a company whose products they use and know gives them a real sense of ownership early) and/or a 529 Plan that pays for continuing education in the future at today’s prices.
• Work toward improving the sad equation of lower salaries for women for comparable work.

We’re living longer and will be able to afford it if we make a plan, get educated, stay educated and truly know that it’s never too late (and certainly never too early) to get started securing a financial future.  We can do this. 

My generation got used to the idea of being “superwomen”.  We raised children while simultaneously nurturing a career and keeping romance alive with a long-time or second chance spouse or partner.  We even began accepting the fact that it was okay to be good to ourselves!  That concept was - and still is - a tough one.  Most of us then and now were/are conditioned to just keep going and going and going.  We need to believe and pass along to younger women as Emerson wrote:  “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

Within each of you is the ability to create wealth for our financial futures.  We have successfully run the home and workplace infrastructures simultaneously. We function in chaos sometimes but tend to finish in style.  Being persistent on behalf of our families (while still being good to ourselves) is key.  It will help you get a plan, get a financial life and make long term contingencies.  The ability to be pro-active instead of reactive is the foundation for financial staying power.

Pay forward the idea of getting an authentic financial life.  Find other women with similar needs and the desire to secure their financial future and pool the resources of your collective wealth of knowledge.  Make that commitment today.

Here’s to your health and wealth!

TAGS: creating wealth, daughters, entrepreneurship, financial dilemmas, financial independence, financial knowledge, Paying it forward, risk tolerance, superwomen, work and life integration

Juliet was at a company off-site when she learned an IT project she had been working on for nearly two months would not serve the needs of her internal customers.  Over drinks one evening a colleague mentioned that his department had acquired new software that would make her efforts obsolete.  Like many women, she assumed that information is shared freely and openly.  After all, if you have “a need to know” you’ll be given the information, right?  Wrong.  Information is power and, as such, there are those who hoard rather than share it.  It can be frustrating and downright demoralizing when you’re trying to add value to your company only to realize you’re not in the required information loop. 

Adding these behaviors to your routine will enable you to successfully manage your career by proactively garnering the data needed to remain relevant and “in the know.” 

• Stayed connected to the grapevine.   Sure there’s plenty of gossip you might have to endure, but there’s also valuable information that is passed along.  Acting as if you’re above it all or not making time to stay tuned in will cause your grapevine to dry up.
• Learn about your business, not just your job.  The mistake made by many women is focusing narrowly on becoming an expert in their jobs to the exclusion of learning about other operations.  It won’t help you much to be deep but not wide.  Learn how your work impacts the work of others and vice versa.  Build relationships with people from departments other than your own.  Exhibit curiosity about functions that are not obviously aligned with yours. 
• Be an information broker.  Again, it’s a fine line between gossip and being known as someone who has information and is willing to share it.  The trick is to share public information that you dug up and is readily available, but others might not know about.  Similarly, forward articles that you find through research or from professional associations that are of common interest.  If information is power then being a broker of information makes you more powerful. 
• Provide outstanding customer service.  To provide your internal and external customers with what they most need you have to ask a lot of questions.   The answers to these questions helps you to build your information data base. 
• Go to meetings.   Many times women will skip meetings because they think it’s more productive to stay in their offices and work.  They’re called meet-ings, not work-ings.  Meetings provide you not only with information, but with the opportunity to show what you know and build relationships with co-workers and management. 
• Ask for what you need.  It may seem obvious, but women often don’t ask for the information they need.  They think it’s too intrusive or if they really deserved to have the information they would.  Don’t be naive.  Asking for the information you need to do your job is never intrusive — it’s just that some others might be withholding it with the worst of intentions. 

TAGS: Company grapevine, sharing information

TAGS: career advice

How many times have you looked around your workplace and noticed that the way things are being done aren’t necessarily the best way to do them? Perhaps you’ve even gone so far as to suggest an alternative way, one that is faster, less costly and more productive only to have your idea summarily dismissed or, perhaps even worse, completely ignored. If you have, no doubt, you may be confused or even frustrated.

Why does this happen? The short answer is that you may be assuming that your boss or your colleagues are rational people who will behave rationally. Au contraire! Because they are people, even in a business situation, emotions matter. People will protect their interests as they see them.

Consider the following:

• Don’t try to slaughter the sacred cow.

  Take, for example, the situation where the vendor that the department has been using for years to take care of its printing needs requires long lead times and is short on customer service. Yet that vendor is still the one everyone uses. Why? Turns out that the owner of the printing company went to school with the boss. As long as the boss is there, he is protected. So, plan way ahead to get your printing job done on time and make sure your instructions are crystal clear when you send your job out.

  Way too often poor performers are tolerated, business silos are left in place regardless of how outdated they are and office dysfunction thrives because relationships matter - a lot. Be strategic about whom you take on - otherwise, they will outlive you.

• People hate change.

  No matter how bad it is, it is the “devil they know”. Communicate clearly and concisely why the approach you are proposing makes sense but expect push-back.

  When you are proposing a change, anticipate who will be affected and what their reaction might be. Then figure out a strategy to make them more accepting. For example, if you think they will be threatened by the new approach you are proposing to document team results because they are unfamiliar with it, offer to serve as a coach.

  It’s important to tease out resistance because even if people nod and smile, they still may not be on board. That will cause a problem eventually.

• Timing is everything.

  Don’t blithely speak your mind without considering whether it is the right time to share your idea. For example, you may need to line up some influential supporters before you broach the topic with your boss. Or, it might be that you should wait until the big project is delivered to the client before you start offering feedback about what the team might have done to be more efficient.

If a great idea surfaces in the office but nobody hears it, is it really a great idea? It’s up to you to be sure your great ideas get a fair hearing.

TAGS: negotiating to get ideas heard, office politics

Diversity is the most compelling issue for the new century and the new economy.  That’s why I want to share my thoughts with you about linking diverse philosophies to your bottom line personal and professional goals.

Lots of forces have tugged especially hard at the family unit over the last few decades.  Even the definition of “family” has changed, extended and become more diverse.  As a result, I think the advancement of women is more regularly being seen as an expansion of humanity rather than a competition with men.  That acceptance is what’s leading to diversification of responsibilities in childcare, school involvement, household schedules, meals, elder care and other related family issues.  These issues are no longer being seen solely as women’s work.  These “chores” or “duties” are being more frequently identified and embraced as family concerns.  These concerns are becoming more deliberate, consistent and willing focal points for women and for men. 

As a result of this collaboration, I believe we are seeing the evolution of a more humane and nurturing environment regarding family diversity that will produce more gender-free, assigned responsibility.  To me - this provides the opportunity for more gender-free, assigned responsibilities regarding the management of money within families. Family money should be managed by the adult determined to be the most deliberate and consistent regarding meeting family money needs.  While money decisions should be made in a collaborative way with (if there is) the other family adult, the responsibility for executing transparent and on-time management of family finances should rest with the family’s Chief Financial Officer (CFO).  When it comes to couples, the person who becomes the family CFO should be chosen in a very deliberate fashion.   The decision should come after much discussion and be made after determining who best fits and most consistently executes the role.  This isn’t always the male.  In fact, increasingly more women are being named to fill the role.

I believe there are many assets to be gained in making such a choice - not the least of which is greater attention being given to orchestrating and respecting personal relationships and the contributions each person within a couple can make.  Personal relationships suffered debilitating blows during the matching designer resume driven 80s.  In this 21st century - relationships have a chance to blossom.  Why?  Because we all tired of the civil wars that raged back then in the homes of working women.  And because after decades of feeling isolated and outside the family circle, men - who had long refused to organize and orchestrate their private lives, are understanding and declaring that the “second shift” which their working wives or partners had always handled, should not remain just women’s work.

Family matters.  And more and more men understand that they’ve allowed themselves to miss out on too much and too many of the assets of real family values for too long.  Additionally, we women are realizing that because we always have a plan for everything - we’ve contributed to the “absent male” notion because we’ve comprehensively covered the gaps. 

The asset that is now on family dinner tables is that in this century - it’s not only possible but probable - with mutual conviction and on behalf of family values that the opinions and idiosyncrasies of men and women are becoming more flexible and cooperate in creating a nurturing environment - together.  Now that’s an asset your family can bank on and take to the bank.

Here’s to your health and wealth!

TAGS: CFO, family diversity, family money, family values, money responsibilities

When I worked in corporate America I labored under the misconception that management and colleagues would appreciate my “energetic” approach to work.  I’ve always been someone who likes to get things done, solve problems, and design creative new products or programs.  I’m not saying I was always the most stellar employee, but I thought I was adding value with this approach.  As I learned back then, those who are either threatened by or overwhelmed with go-getters are going to find ways to undermine your efforts. 

The Japanese phrase, “the tall nail gets hammered down,” refers to the phenomenon by which entire organizations strive for medocrity to accommodate the majority of workers who are — well, I have to say it — average.  When you don’t behave “average” you face negative consequences.   It’s one reason why I left a great corporate job to start my own consulting practice.  And it’s the reason why many women become disillusioned, discouraged, and demoralized at work.  They believe more is better and that outstanding performance will be appreciated.  Instead, they find themselves marginalized, excluded from meetings they should attend,  sabotaged, and critical information is withheld from them. 

I do believe this is more of a problem for women than men.  Why?  Because women are more likely to want to prove themselves by doing more than is needed.  So how do you walk this Thin Pink Line?  Here are a few tricks you might try:

1. Identify your company’s playing field.  We’ve talked about this before.  Every workplace is a playing field with rules, boundaries and strategies.  When it comes to performance, where are the boundaries?  Believe it or not it’s just as possible to overperform than underperform.  Being a superstar on every assignment shouldn’t be ultimate goal if it’s not expected in your corporate culture.  You’ll only wind up antagonizing others.   
2. Learn what makes you overperform.  Sometimes women overperform out of fear, overcompensation, old messages, and even anxiety.  If this is the case, it’s important for you to re-define your personal standards and manage your behavior so that you aren’t driven by personal demons.   If you work in a culture where great performance is acceptable but superb performance is resented, then overperforming is a waste of time. 
3. Get others on the train with you.  If you tend to be a lone ranger, it’s more likely that others will try to trip you up.  Instead, look for ways to influence others to join you as you move forward and be certain to give them public recognition when it’s due.
4. Get a life.  Some women overperform because they have no life outside of work.  Guess what?  Your colleagues do have a life and don’t appreciate you making them look like slackers.  Creating more balance in your life wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
5. Know when it’s time to move on.   The fact is, you may be operating on a playing field that values too much mediocrity and you want more.  Or perhaps you’re not cut out for the particular boundaries of your corporate playing field.  If this is the case, carefully identify other opportunities, either in your own enterprise or another company, that will capitalize on your unique talents and energy. 

TAGS: corporate playing field., go-getters, handling less aggressive co-workers, Mediocrity

To go to grad school or not to go to grad school, that is the question for many recent college graduates — especially during a recession. A recent AP-mtvU poll found that nearly one in five undergraduates have decided to prolong their education with an advanced degree. Should you do the same? I wish I could give you the absolute right answer, but I can’t.

The decision is personal and different for everyone. My colleagues here at The Thin Pink Line have advanced degrees, so I’m curious for their opinions based on their experiences. What I hope to do is provide you with the right questions to ask to make the best move for you.

First, here are what I consider to be the no-brainer decisions:

No-brainer No. 1: If you receive a full scholarship and you want a graduate degree, go for at least one year. I was fortunate to receive a graduate school scholarship from Rotary International, and I’m grateful I received a master’s degree at no cost. Free education is an offer not to be missed.

No-brainer No. 2: If you’re sure about your career direction and need a graduate degree to get there, then grad school makes sense. This is the case for students who are positive they want to be lawyers, doctors, professors and other degree-requiring careers. If you’re worried about massive student loans, particularly in the current economy, consider your state school and programs that will offer you scholarship money. Or, take some time to work and save, then go to grad school a few years from now.

No-brainer No. 3: If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Lots of students tell me they feel they “should” go to graduate school or they’re pursuing an advanced degree to “keep their options open.” Graduate school requires a huge investment of time and money, so don’t go if you’re not committed.

If you’re still unsure how to proceed, here are three questions to help you make the best decision.

Why are you considering graduate school?

Education is a wonderful, valuable endeavor and a worthy goal in itself, but in my opinion, it should not be a default decision because you can’t think of anything better to do. If you really want to keep studying and you can afford it, then by all means go to graduate school. But if the cost will put you into significant debt and you’re unsure whether it’s the right move, then consider working for a few years and see how you feel in the future.

What are your career plans after graduate school?

If you have no idea what you’ll do after grad school, then don’t go. If you’re not sure where the degree might lead, ask several people in your desired career field for their advice. You can also seek out people who’ve earned the degree you’re considering and ask what path they’ve taken after graduate school. When in doubt, get more information.

How will you pay for it?

While many students are opting for grad school as a way to “ride out” the recession, I’m concerned about how these students plan to pay back those student loans. Even when the economy improves, $100,000 to $200,000 is a lot of debt to carry. Making the decision should involve putting together a realistic budget for how you’ll live during graduate school and a strategy for how you’ll pay back your loans afterward.

One final tip: I do think it’s a wise move to take any graduate school admissions tests while you’re still an undergrad or recent alum. You’re in test-taking mode when you’re still in college, so go ahead and take the GRE, GMAT, LSAT or any other test that you think you might need. Your scores will be good for several years, so there’s really no down side to having them under your belt. Good luck!

A version of this post originally appeared on the Lindsey Pollak Career Blog.

TAGS: graduate school

Don’t you just hate it when people don’t keep their word?

Unfortunately, though, broken promises happen way too often- raises pledged that never showed up on pay stubs,  promotions assured that somehow just don’t happen, resources committed yet never delivered.  Understandably, when this happens to you, it is easy to get frustrated and angry but clearly that doesn’t solve the problem.  How can you increase the odds that the people who make you promises will keep them?

When The Promise Is Being Made:

• Be a little bit skeptical.
  Ask yourself, “Can he really make this happen?” or “Who else will she have to sell on this idea before it will be a serious opportunity?”  Many times it’s not that people intend to mislead you but rather that they underestimate the challenges they will face in getting it done.

• Offer to help.
  Ask what you can do to make it easier for your boss to keep her promise.  You might say, “I am very grateful for your support on this.  What can I do to be sure that the others involved see me as the best choice too?”

• Ask for a timeframe.
  When someone has made a promise but hasn’t committed to when he or she will deliver, it will be awkward to follow up on it later.  Is it too early to ask about it?  Or has so much time passed, you’re wondering if he/she even remembers. Say something like, “I want to be sure I am being realistic; by when do you expect we can get this accomplished?’

Later, If Nothing Happens

• Remind him/her of the promise and the timeline in a non-threatening way.
  Practice this ahead of time with a friend and ask for feedback on your delivery.  Did you betray anger? Frustration?  If so, keep practicing until you can eliminate the negative tone and/or body language.

• Ask about where the issue stands now.
  While you may not like what you learn, it’s better to know than to keep deluding yourself that the promise will be kept.

• Express gratitude for the information.
  After all, honesty counts for something.

At this point, you should assess the bigger picture.  What’s really going on here? Is this an isolated failure or is there a theme of repeated broken promises? Is your boss making promises she knows she can’t keep?  Is he politically naïve? Is she really going to bat for you or just saying that she is?  And, how badly does the broken promise affect you?  Based on those factors, you can determine your plan.

Remember the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”

TAGS: broken promises, working with a difficult boss

What do women tell ourselves when it comes money?  What money tunes/messages play in our heads?  If you’re frustrated and feel you can’t do the right thing when it comes to managing your personal finances, it could be that you need a new financial tune.

I think it’s very important that women examine what we tell ourselves about money.  Why?  Because we need a very clear picture about our money goals.  For many women, the picture is too vague and it’s not accompanied by a plan.  Yes, I’m big on planning, setting an attainment date and meeting the goal.  If there are good reasons for having to change the date or reshape the goal due to changing circumstances - fine.  But then review, refocus and reset.  Otherwise you’ll be in danger of losing sight of the big money picture.

Motivated people use their goals for motivation - rather than for deprivation.  So you want the money tune  that plays in your head to be upbeat with a melody that repeats “this is how I do it.”

• Get a very clear picture of your goal
• Figure out how much it costs
• Determine what usually knocks you off course
• Be sure your “financial personality” is figured into your plan.

Let’s talk about this point in more depth.  By your “financial personality” I mean if you know you have a problem such as going to the ATM randomly and too frequently - your plan should include determining how much cash you actually need for the week, withdrawing that amount and making it last.  It should also include that you commit to use only your own bank’s ATM.  That way you avoid additional fees that are charged when you access what’s referred to as a foreign (meaning not your own) bank.

It’s important to know your “financial personality” and it’s even more important to acknowledge that those money personality traits won’t just go away.  You’ll have to be very clear what your weak spots are and create an environment in your financial plan (ie: the ATM scenario) to help you sustain it.

The money tunes that play in our heads often are from childhood and they usually keep playing uninterrupted unless we become aware that they’re tired old songs whose lyrics are no longer appealing.

Tragic figure but gifted singer Billie Holiday wrote this song after she and her mother had a heated argument over money: 

Money, you’ve got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When you’re gone, spending ends
They don’t come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But don’t take too much
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got her own.

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: attainment dates, financial personality, money goals, Money messages, planning

On The Thin Pink Line we’ve talked about the importance of mentors.  Most often it conjures up an image of an older or more experienced co-worker taking us under their wing and showing us the ropes.  But you can be mentored by people you’ve never even met — as I was by Gloria Steinem, pictured with me here at the Southern New Hampshire University Women’s Leadership Summit last week. 

Meeting her was a thrill – and I let her know that.  I told her how I first heard her speak on my campus when I was just 20 years old and that her work has inspired my own.  How many times she must have heard the same thing from other women, but she was gracious and warm hearing it yet again. 

It made me realize how many mentors I’ve had over my lifetime who I’ve never even met.  Eleanor Roosevelt, Golda Meir, Tom Watson, Sr., Mary Kay Ash, and Anna Freud to name just a few.  I’ve studied them, learned about their lives and achievements, and they’ve made me better for it. 

Then there are mentors who I have met, but who didn’t know they were mentoring me.  By allowing me to ask a few questions I gained insights into their perceptions that in turned helped influence my own behaviors.  John Kotter, Anne Fisher, and our own Carol Frohlinger, Lindsey Pollak, Valerie Coleman Morris, and Liz Weston come to mind. 

Sometimes I’m even mentored unwittingly by the people I mentor.  As I listen to them and how they view the world I’m challenged to look at my own world view and assumptions differently. 

So as you think about who can mentor you to become your personal and professional best, don’t just look around the office or your community.  You can be mentored by practically anyone if you open your mind and heart to new ideas, to risking looking foolish by asking questions, and by observing the unique behaviors of those you admire — and sometimes even those you don’t admire but who nonetheless have a valuable lesson to teach you.

TAGS: Gloria Steinem, mentors, Southern New Hampshire University Women's Leadership Summit