Overcoming Culturally Imposed Limitations
As women, most of us have experienced limitations placed on us by family, friends, employers and a society that still does not really see us as equal to men. This week I made a presentation to the Iranian Jewish Women Organization/Women of Vision — and I think I learned more from them than they learned from me. If you think it’s tough being a professional woman, try being an Iranian Jewish professional woman! Most of the women in the audience were first generation Americans, many having come to the U.S. from Iran within the past two decades. Their parents, siblings, husbands and friends are firmly entrenched in both the Jewish religion and culture and the Iranian culture. Many wanted to know how they can achieve their professional goals, yet maintain their religious and cultural identities within their families — families who may not support their professional aspirations.
Whether you’re Iranian Jewish, Latina, or a member of any other nationality or culture that imposes limitations on you because you’re a women, these are a few tips to help you bridge the culture gap:
- Honor your history. Make it clear to your family and community that your desire to excel in the world of work is not incompatible with your cultural pride. Older family members may fear you’re going to lose your rich history. Head this kind of thinking off at the pass by expressing and showing pride for your unique culture. Make time to participate in events that affirm your commitment.
- Ask for what you need. Sometimes family members say they want to support your efforts, but act in ways that are not so supportive. When this happens don’t criticize or point out the duality of the message, but rather be clear about what you do need. For example, “I’m so glad you want to support my career. Let me tell you what would be most helpful to me.” Keep it positive and use lots of “I” messages (I need, I would like, I would appreciate, etc.).
- Use humor to defuse tension. If every Sunday you have dinner with your family and every Sunday you’re asked when you’re going to get married or when you’re going to have a baby, practice a witty (but respectful) reply such as, “I’ll tell you what. When that’s going to happen you’ll be the first to know.” In other words, lighten up.
- Don’t try to change attitudes. That’s a little like trying to teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and annoys the pig. Instead, acknowledge and be respectful of how others see the world and ask for that same respect in return.
- Surround yourself with like-minded people. One of the most wonderful things about the Iranian Jewish Women Organization is the support members give to one another. Your mother may never accept that it’s important for you to be a career-woman before you become a wife, but there are other women just like you out there who will support you as you pursue your goals. Find them. Spend time with them. Support them too.
To learn more about the Iranian Jewish Women Organization visit ijwo.org.
TAGS: assimilating, bridging cultures, Cultural diversity, dealing with family expectations, Iranian Jewish Women
Lois,
RIGHT ON! As a Diversity Trainer, I have worked for many years with people from other cultures who have emigrated to the U.S. These concerns seem to be universal with the majority of people in this category. Your advice is practical and helpful. I would add that the person new to this culture and workplace needs to try to fit in to the dominant culture by adopting/adapting to the new culture as seemlessly as possible. This may look like too much assimilation to the older generations that don’t need to move into the new culture as completely since they may not work outside of their immediate cultural group. So, again, respect and empathy from and for family members is the best way to go. And, don’t forget to practice good listening skills whenever talking about these issues, too!
A really helpful blog!
Roberta Youtan Kay
Comment by Roberta Youtan Kay — February 8, 2008 @ 12:35 pm