OK. So you’re in one of these. Then you have to look at whether you have contributed to patterns in which you are maligned or in some way undermined, especially in public. In other words are you letting it continue because you don’t want to “make waves”?

First, check perceptions with others you trust. Is the person out to get you, using you for humor because you’re an easy target, or perhaps doing this kind of thing to most people. If he/she has been targeting you, then ask these trusted, experienced others what they’d do. This is a way of getting advice but also lining up the ducks behind you so you aren’t going on the attack without backup.

Consider the pros and cons. Also, what’s the worst that could happen? Should you talk to the person in private — issue a warning. If he doesn’t heed it, then you’ve at least given him/her a chance.

Review some of the comebacks in TSH and IAP books. Prioritize them in terms of what you feel you could say or do next time or talk with people you respect at work or home to come up with ones suited to your office and you. Sometimes all that is needed is a silence with a warning frown to shake up cowardly attackers using you for their benefit. Other times a phrase such as, “You do seem to derive joy from putting me down,” or “Could you repeat that please. I want to be sure I was insulted.”

What’s worse? Remaining silent and allowing someone to walk all over you, or saying or doing something that gives them pause. A steady diet of either isn’t good. But the absence of the second is a good way to let others decide your future by demeaning your credibility. If you overdo the response, consider apologizing. Maybe. Or simply learn from it. Worse is doing nothing. And, in this case the problem has been going on for some time.

This is a start. I’ll go on if you like. If you want to post a specific example — either yours or something that happened to someone else– that’d help. We could take it from there. And Lois, Carol and Liz might want to jump in too.