Manage the expectations of others (and keep them from breathing down your neck) by responding to requests with an anticipated delivery time/date.

Don’t you just love pesky neighbors?  We’ve got one who wants us to trim our trees because they block the view from her kitchen window while she’s washing dishes.  It’s not like she has a panorama of the city or anything.  It’s just one small window and the trees only bother her when she does the dishes (which can’t be all that often since she lives alone and travels a lot).  We’ve told her several times that we want the fullness of the trees throughout the summer because they shade the house but that when we trim them in the Fall we’ll take her needs into consideration.  In an effort to get us to do what she wants she says things like, “I thought I had nice neighbors” and ”I thought I was buying a home with a view” (right - it’s Pasadena not Malibu).  She even told another neighbor that I was hostile to her.  This is typical passive aggressive behavior.  If you listen to only the words they seem benign, but at the heart of it there’s no interest in the other person’s viewpoint or needs.  So how do you handle a passive aggressive person?  It’s not easy, but here are a few tips:

1. Don’t go for their bait.  They want to engage you in an argument where you wind up as the bad person and they wind up as the victim.  This can’t happen if you don’t respond to nonsensical statements such as, “I thought I had nice neighbors.”
2. Stay neutral by acknowledging without agreeing.  To keep the conversation on an even, objective keel use statements like, “I can understand your concern” or “I understand why it’s important to you.”  This usually soothes the passive aggressive personality. 
3. Be clear about your intentions.   Passive aggressive people often take your words and twist them to suit their needs.  That’s harder to do if you are crystal clear about the actions you intend to take (eg. “My plan is to trim the trees in the Fall…”). 
4. Get/put as much as you can in writing.  When dealing with passive aggressive people at work it helps to get things in writing so that you can refer back to it when they conveniently forget what was agreed to or renege on their commitments. 

TAGS: assertive skills, assertiveness, dealing with passive aggressive people, pesky neighbors

Allow yourself to come first — whether it’s the first to speak at a meeting, the first to choose the best seat at the movies, or the first to drink the last of the milk. 

I’ve often thought it odd that people seem to be more reluctant to talk about their income than their sex lives-but that may be changing.  The NY Times reported yesterday that young people are more likely to share information about salary information (see Not-So-Personal Finance).  This trend is good news for women; the more women know about what others are making, the more likely they are to ask for what they are worth.

As you may know, the gender gap in pay affects not only older women but younger women as well.  For example, starting salaries of men with MBAs are 7.6% higher than those for women. Only 7% of women, but 57% of men asked for more money; those who negotiated increased starting salaries by 7.4%.

One of the things that makes the difference for women is good information.  So, keep up the sharing!

TAGS: differences between women and men, Fairness at work, financial planning, gaining confidence, negotiating pay, negotiation skills, Pay Disparity, Women at Work, women's equality

Treat everyone as if they are wearing a sign that reads, “Make Me Feel Important.“  Mary Kay Ash, Founder, Mary Kay Cosmetics

Add value by turning the statement, “I don’t know” into “I don’t know but I’m sure we can figure it out.”

Enhance your natural creativity by taking a class in writing, drawing, sculpting or any other pursuit that utilizes left-brain thinking. 

If you own your own business or consulting firm — or if you’re thinking of becoming an entrepreneur — you’ve got to think beyond your technical expertise to your relationship with your clients or customers.   Any good entrepreneur will tell you, you can be the best in your field, but if you can’t build relationships with the people who hire you, you won’t be in business for long.  Author David Maister wrote a book that I just love:  The Trusted Advisor.  He talks about the fact that as our relationships with our clients or customers deepen, we become more than an expert to them.  We become “a trusted advisor.”  Someone they look to for honesty, a sounding board, and sometimes plain old friendship.  Here are some coaching tips for how you can become a trusted advisor in your own business or even working for someone else:

1.  Be a better listener than talker.  Entrepreneurs fail all the time because they provide clients with services they think they need, but that don’t really solve a problem or fit the situation.  I recently “fired” my insurance agent because he kept trying to sell me products unrelated to what I told him I needed. 

2.  Be discrete.  This means you don’t talk about your clients or use their names without their permission.  I once overheard a cell phone call in the airport that was totally inappropriate.  It was a consulting firm that was working on the campaign of a famous senator.  By the time the call was over I knew all the tactics they were going to use in an upcoming election.  If the senator ever got wind of it I’m sure this company would have been fired.

3.  Be generous.  No one likes to think they’re being gouged.  Set a fair price on your product or services but know when it’s appropriate to throw in something extra or not bill for a ten minute telephone consultation.  In the long run it won’t make much difference to you but it will to your customers.

4.  Be someone others want to be around.  People don’t buy your product or services, they buy you.  There are plenty of people who can provide what you sell — why should anyone buy from you? 

5.  Be honest.  If you’re not the best person for a particular job, recommend someone else who is.  Remember the scene from Miracle on 34th Street where Santa Claus was sending shoppers to other stores?    It wound up getting his store even more customers because they appreciated his honesty.  Similarly, if your client or customer asks for something you think isn’t appropriate for the situation, say so rather than simply provide it in order to make the sale. 

TAGS: business owners, consulting, David Maister, entrepeneurs, small business, trusted advisor

All work and no play make Jill a very dull girl.

Do one thing physical today.  It improves your look, your outlook, your brain functioning, and your stamina.