But you’ve got to say “no” sometimes and accept that the other person isn’t going to be happy.  I had to do it twice last week — and I did not enjoy it.  Nonetheless, I realized that my interests would not be met if I said yes.

One of the ways women can get in our own way is to try to make others happy at our own expense. Way too often we are so focused on building relationships with others that we forget that we too should expect — and get — consideration.

Don’t get me wrong, making others happy is usually a good thing.  But when the person with whom you are working ignores your needs in order to meet her own, it is time to step back and reassess the situation.

Sometimes the other person doesn’t intend to ignore your interests; she may be simply taking the most expedient path to get what she needs.  On the other hand, when you bring it to her attention and still nothing changes, it may be time to say no and walk away.  You can say “no” nicely but be sure you say it clearly.
Erin Callan, described by Sheelah Kolhatkar in an article for Condé Nast’s portfolio.com,  “Wall Street’s Most Powerful Woman” agrees:
“Probably the single biggest thing I had to get over in my career is not being liked by everybody and being okay with that,” Callan says. “I think that’s a challenge for a lot of women, when you’ve been socialized as a young girl and a woman to be polite and be liked.”

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, communication, Communication Skills, negotiation skills, Political skills, Risk-taking, ways to work healthy, women, women and power, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders