Is It About Winning or How You Play the Game?
I have such mixed feelings about this true story. Two college women’s softball teams were competing this week in Oregon when one player hit the ball out of the park but couldn’t make it around the bases. Apparently her leg gave out from under her and she couldn’t run. It’s against the rules for one of her teammates to run for her. When a member of the opposing team realized what was happening she opted to carry the young woman around the bases so that her run would count (and as it turned out it was the winning run). When asked why she did such a generous thing, she said she always learned it wasnt’ about winning or losing but about how you play the game. On the one hand, I love the fact that the young woman who came to the rescue showed compassion for her opponent. On the other hand, I know that this exact same behavior in the workplace causes adult women to miss out on their fair share of pay, benefits, opportunities, etc. As women, we must differentiate when compassion is called for and when it’s OK to compete to win. Relying only on behaviors taught in childhood to the exclusion of having other “tricks up your sleeve” is a receipe for ultimate failure. Be compassionate. Be generous of spirit. But also know when — and how — to play hardball.
TAGS: competition, girls and sports, playing hardball, playing to win, sportsmanship
Lois - how interesting; I saw that story too and thought only about how these women were re-defining the definition of “winning”. But you make a good point - there’s a big difference between a game and the world of work.
Comment by Carol Frohlinger, JD — May 2, 2008 @ 4:29 pm
Yes, having a bit of trouble with this myself at work. I wonder if, and I don’t mean to generalize, if team sports in the work ethic should be considered a basic training. The point being; when is my action going to benefit my team and when is it going to undermine me ?As in taking on an extra work load?
Comment by Simone Suter — May 10, 2008 @ 9:47 am
It is indeed a dilemma, Simone. I recently read an article that said most girls who start off playing sports at a young age drop out by the time they’re teenagers. So in some ways we never really get all the lessons we need to learn about playing to win. Also, just this morning, I read that the female brain is wired to avoid conflict, so when we do play sports and conflicts arise we’re more likely to drop out than boys/men.
A few tips I give to women around your questions include:
1. If you’re going to take on extra work to show you’re a team player, make sure you let people KNOW you’re going out of your way. Don’t make it look seamless. Say something like, “I’m willing to take this on
for the sake of the team.” or “It’s going to involve more overtime than I would want right now but if it means the team succeeds I’ll do it.”
2. Aim for high profile extra work. Sure, we all have to do grunt work now and then for which we get no credit, but balance that out by taking on extra assignments that put you in front of executive management or clients.
3. Learn to say, “Not my turn.” If you know you’ve been a team player who has taken on extra work and it’s now someone else’s turn, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Given that I’ve worked the past few nights on the XYZ project, I believe it’s someone else’s turn to show their team commitment. I’m happy to take my turn again when it comes around to me once more.”
Comment by Dr. Lois Frankel — May 11, 2008 @ 1:18 pm