Apropos to Carol’s blog earlier this month about letting go of toxic or unproductive relationships, the other day I asked a good friend for advice on how to handle a relationship with someone who had ignored me and my calls for years (nearly four years to be exact) and now wanted to pick it up as if nothing had ever happened.  I knew I didn’t want to renew the relationship, but wasn’t sure how much I should explain about my feelings related to what transpired in the intervening years rather than just make myself unavailable next time she called.  My friend looked at me and said, “Lois, explaining your feelings would be like casting pearls before swine.”

I had heard that phrase before but never knew what it really meant.  So I did a little digging and found it’s a biblical term that means offering something of great value to you, to someone who won’t appreciate it.  It hit the nail on the head.  I thought of how often I, like many other women, share what’s of value – time, feelings, thoughts, assistance, etc. — with people who have no appreciation for it.  It’s not that we should hoarde or shouldn’t share our “pearls” but rather that we should differentiate with whom we share them and with whom it would just be valuable resources wasted.  As it is, most of us have so little time to call our own, if we’re going to go out of our way it should at least make a difference or be appreciated (even if it’s silently appreciated — I’m not suggesting we need kudos for everything we do).  As for sharing my feelings with the former friend — next time she contacts me I think I’ll just say, “I don’t have time to get together, but I do wish you well.” 

TAGS: casting pearls before swine, differentiating relationships, Friendships, letting go of relationships