Maureen Dowd’s NY Times column on Sunday veered away from her usual wickedly withering political commentary  - instead, she interviewed Father Pat O’Connor, a 79 year old Catholic priest about how to recognize a potentially problematic husband before you marry him. 

It occurred to me how much of Father O’Connor’s sage advice applied to making a decision about whether to take a new job.  He notes that it is important for young people to hear his thoughts before they fall seriously in love because once they fall in love, it’s too late.  “Infatuation trumps judgment.”  So too for job seekers - do your due diligence before you get seduced by the job title, the money or the career possibilities it might lead to - by then, you’re too emotionally invested.

Father O’Connor recommends you ask yourself questions about how your intended behaves with money. ”Does he use money responsibly?  Is he stingy? ”  When job seeking, you might ask yourself, “Where on the spectrum is the compensation package they are offering?  If it is too low given the market and the role description, changes are that not only will you be underpaid if you take it, but that it’s probably not the job you think it is either.

He warns women to shy away from a man who doesn’t stand up for himself.  Job-seekers, steer clear from an interview process that is less rigorous that you would expect, particularly if it is accompanied by a vague job description and murky responses to questions you raise about expectations.

The former missionary advises taking a good, hard look at your potential partner’s family.  What kind of people are they?  What are their values?  Do you share them?  Job seekers ignore organization culture at their peril.  What can you learn from your contacts (or contacts of your contacts) about how the company operates?  What do you notice as you interview - are people courteous, truthful, do they do what they say they’ll do within the time frame they promised?

And perhaps most importantly, Father O’Connor suggests that if you are contemplating marriage thinking you will change the things about your future mate that disturb you - drinking heavily, gambling or other additions, that you think again.  In the workplace, this relates to the issue of chemistry - if you don’t feel it with the people with whom you will work during the interview process, it probably won’t happen.

No doubt, marrying the wrong man is a bigger mistake (and usually more expensive!) than taking the wrong job, but it’s far better to avoid them both.

TAGS: career change, career derailment, careers, Job Search, Marriage, Maureen Dowd