The Thin Pink Line has come at a time when it became uncomforably clear that I needed to move forward with my life and career. When I read the posts I hear myself talking (or nagging, depending on who you ask!). Most recently I’ve had the same concerns about the perpetuation of female ghettoism (to borrow a term from Dr. Frankel). Friends and family encourage their daughters into stereotypical “helper” roles without a thought about their financial future or the gender-based trap being set for them. Why is that so many women can’t seem to understand that happiness has little to do with the material gains but so much more to do with purposeful living?

Every opportunity available to me I talk about independence, responsibility, accountability, success, business, choices and relationships with my 7 year old daughter. It’s a challenge finding words that convey my thoughts so that she understands, but little by little I know, she gets it.

Thanks Thin Pink Line. You have created a space where women can find strength to believe in themselves. Keep up the purposeful work.

A simple example of a routine that helped me balance life and work was understanding that I would be tempted to stretch staying at work if I didn’t have a deadline like the child care center closing. Also, my husband was not a morning person and hated to be rushed. He was the perfect person to get the kids ready for pre-school, spend time with them and get them to school at a leisurely pace. He had flexibility with his work schedule in the morning. I then could pick them up and without special arrangements had to be there at a certain time which always guarnteed a great quantity of time to spend with the kids in the evening when they were small. The kids liked the routine so much that if we changed it, we had to let them know in advance or the kids hated it.

Simple sharing of tasks that balance the many conflicts of work and home are important. What works for you given your situation needs to be customized. You need to have friends who are other women who don’t sit in judgment of how you choose to balance home and family and only offer you encouragement and advice.

If I hadn’t been so secure in my knowledge that I could work full time and have a well-adjusted family, the stress put on me by other people’s petty comments would have been unbearable. I was very lucky to have had a mother who had to work full time (at night) to help make ends meet. I was the oldest of six kids and my father wanted to spend time with us which is why he stayed home at night to play with us and my mother went to work. We all turned out pretty well so I knew it was ok for a woman to work and have a well adjusted family. Our society still doesn’t buy into this and this puts much strain on women.

I agree with you, Kathleen – it is a multi-pronged effort. The necessary “big picture” reforms demand having the right politicians in office ─ after all, they write the legislation. After the Supreme Court decided the Ledbetter case , it behooves all fair minded people to be particularly vigilant as they vote in the 2008 Presidential election because the next President will almost certainly have the opportunity to nominate one or two Justices.

And bravo to the young woman (and her parents) who walked away from the employer who wouldn’t pay her what she and the position are worth. I often advise people to take a temporary job doing any kind of honest work rather than to take a under-paying job in their field (or the field they want to be in). Being underpaid is not only affects your current and future lifestyle (to underscore one of the points Lois makes, being underpaid costs women at least $500.000 over their working lives)it also can impact your psyche. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can take advantage of you without your permission.”

And finally, I’d like to keep the conversation going about the need to negotiate at home. I know from personal experience that it takes lots of support to raise a family while working full time. Yet, with all we read about what it takes for women to be successful at work, we rarely read about how important it is to negotiate at home about all sorts of things. I’m considering writing a book on this subject so I’d love to hear from readers:

§ Are you interested in the topic of what and how to negotiate at home?

§ What challenges do you face?

§ What tips/techniques have you used that worked?

§ What have been the results?