On Sunday as we were driving to the Inn of the Seventh Ray in Topanga Canyon (you’ve got to try it when you’re in Los Angeles) for brunch with our friends Herb and Diane we were talking about how much we were looking forward to the Vice Presidential debates.  I remarked that Joe Biden, with his political seasoning and great oratory abilities, is going to have to be careful not to appear as if he’s attacking or overpowering Sarah Pallin.  Herb said he thought this was a sexist remark on my part, suggesting that Biden should be himself rather than worry about Pallin. Of course the coach in me just had to give a lesson in influence that I think you can benefit from as well.

Strong influence skills do not only stem from the content of your message, but from the delivery as well, and that includes your awareness of the audience and co-communicators.  If Biden steam rolls Pallin his LQ (likeability quotient) will go down.  There are some who see her as the underdog in this debate and Americans don’t like bullies — in fact we often root for the underdog.   Ironically, if Pallin steam rolls Biden her LQ will go up.  It will show that she can go toe-to-toe with the Washington “elite.” 

This is why it’s critical that you assess the situation and people when applying your influence skills.  Here are some tips for how you can be at your influential best:

• Focus on the strengths of your platform, not the weaknesses of others.  Biden will make a huge mistake if he tries to hammer home Pallin’s inexperience.  It will make him appear small and unkind.  The same holds true for you.  By focusing on your strengths, especially in a contest where you outweigh your opponent, not the weaknesses of the other person, you avoid coming across as a bully. 
• Allow others to save face. Some people just don’t get this or can’t bring themselves to do it.  When it’s clear you’ve won the battle, be gracious by not rubbing your opponents nose in your victory.  For example, perhaps you and a colleague each have to make a case for why your individual departments need a bigger share of the budget.  If your colleague comes unprepared, whereas you are on top of your game, you don’t have to use every gun in your arsenal.  Trust your audience to figure it out on their own who the winner is — and by embarassing others you wind up the losing the war even if you win the battle.  A little humility goes a long way.
• Speak the language of the audience.  If you’re a rocket scientist making a pitch for funding to just about any group, you have to speak in simple, easy to understand terms.  The same is true for most of us when we get started talking about our areas of expertise.  More than once I’ve made the mistake of using jargon like ROI (return on investment), OD (organization development) and 360s (360 degree feedback inventory) and been asked to explain what I meant. 
• Let the numbers speak for themselves.  Having the data you need to make your case is more influential than long explanations.  As a client of mine says, “Facts are friendly.”  Even if you’re not a “numbers person” the internet makes it easy to come up with statistics or data to support your case. 
• Limit yourself to 2 – 3 main points.  Most listeners can’t take in more information than that.  If you’re trying to sell an idea or yourself, focus on just the few issues that will gain you the most leverage.  For example, describe how your proposal will save money, make money, or attract new users to your service. 
• Avoid trying to sound “intelligent.”    It will only backfire on you as you stumble over words or phrases that don’t come naturally to you.  It will also make you sound pompous and reduce your LQ.  The feedback I get most often about my books is that they’re “readable” — people feel as if I’m talking to them.  At first I didn’t know how to take it — like maybe they weren’t scholarly enough.  Then I realized that’s exactly how I want readers to feel — like they’re getting good advice from a sister, aunt, or friend.  The strong content lets people know I’m an expert in workplace issues, but it’s packaged in a way people can understand.
• Look people in the eye.  As you glance around an audience, or even if you’re speaking in a small group or one-on-one, spend a few seconds looking each person in the eye.  It’s different than eyes darting all over — you actually connect with people by looking at them in more than a cursory fashion. 
• Consider a short repetitive refrain.   In Sojourner Truth’s famous speech she repeatedly used the phrase, “Ain’t I a woman?” to make the point that she, as a slave, wasn’t treated the same as white women.  It’s was tremendously impactful and memorable.  Remember when James Carville coined the degrading term, “It’s the economy stupid!” to refer to George H. Bush’s lack of understanding of the issues?  We remember that phrase because it was short, to the point, and captured the essence of the problem. 

TAGS: influence skills, Inn of the Seventh Ray, James Carville, Joe Biden, Likeability Quotient, Sarah Pallin, Sojourner Truth, Vice presidential debates

Given that the news on the economic front is so scary, I was pleased to read that the Pew Research Center released survey results last week that showed that women are making more decisions in collaboration with their partners than ever before. The poll asked people who were married or living together as a couple about decision-making in four categories, finances, weekend activities, television choices and big-ticket purchases.

Source: Pew Research Center

The results show that women make more of the decisions in 43% of the households, men make more decisions in 26% of the households and 31% of couples share the decision-making equally. And, when asked about who handles the remote control, people report that women control it in 27% of households, men in 26% and in 25% or homes, couples decide together what to watch on TV. (The remaining 25% decide individually because they watch on different TVs or watch their favorite programs alone.)

It seems that the days when men made decisions unilaterally are history.

My thoughts:

• Couples who share decision-making are less likely to blame one another if it turns out that the decision was wrong. That helps keep your relationship happy!
• If you are in a relationship where you are not sharing in the decision-making (especially if the decision is about something more important about what TV show to watch), you need to change the game.
• Interestingly, the survey results showed twice as many people aged 65 or older said they share equally in making decisions as did those under the age of 30. If you are under 30, think about how you can assert yourself.

TAGS: decision-making, men and women, power, women and families

Although I don’t think last night’s debate between Obama and McCain will change the minds of undecided voters, it did provide insight into the characters of each man.  In The Thin Pink Line we so often point out what works and what doesn’t work in negotiations, communications, and how you handle your money.  Last night’s debate was about two men walking another kind of thin line (albeit not pink) and provided us with plenty of lessons.  Here’s how I saw it — I’d be curious to know how YOU did.

• The eyes are the window to the soul.  Did it bother anyone else that McCain stubbornly refused to look at or directly address Obama, even at the moderator’s urging?  If you can’t look an opponent in the eye during a debate, how the heck are you going to handle the delicacies of foreign diplomacy?  In an upcoming post (written before the debate) I talk about the importance of looking people in the eye and actually seeing them, not just looking at them.  Obama’s willingness to do this consistently can be interpreted as a metaphor for how he will “squarely face” the challenges of a President.
•  Specificity instills confidence.  I hope you noticed how Obama answered most questions using the model I’ve given to you in previous posts: a headline comment of a few sentences then quickly down to numbered key points.  When he said “there are four things I would do…” you listened for those four things and it required him to be on point and specific.  In comparison, McCain was vague and used stories to increase his LQ (likeability quotient).  Stories can be a good tactic for conveying important messages, but you also have to include data and facts to support your position.
• Embrace change.  McCain referred to Obama’s ideas and strategies for change as “naive.”  Perhaps they are — but if you don’t embrace change then you’re destined to repeat the past.  And as the saying goes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got.”  McCain appeared to me as a man stuck in the 20th century with 20th century ideas and practices.  Obama appeared to me as a man with a vision of what could be — although it’s not tried and true.  Success in today’s volatile business environment requires that you at least be on board with change, even if you’re not driving it.
• Watch the smile.  I tell women this all the time.  Now I’m telling John McCain — the phoney smile  made you look ridiculous.  It clearly was used to cover up contempt and anger. We all are better off when we express our anger in appropriate ways rather than cover it up with absurd forms of body language that others can see through. 
• Answer questions directly.  Both men get an “F” from this coach in that category.  If you’re asked, “What do you think of the proposed economic stimulus plan?” don’t go off on a tangent about the overall economy and how we got into this mess.  A direct question begs a direct answer.  A response such as, “There are three things I like about it and two things I don’t.  Let me explain.” would have impressed me more than what I heard from the candidates last night. 

TAGS: influence skills, Obama vs McCain, Obama-McCain Debate, Presentation Skills

We’re out of practice dealing with bank failures, as I wrote in “What if your bank is seized?” But yesterday’s takeover of Washington Mutual, on top of IndyMac’s failure this summer, may unfortunately be just the start of a wave of failures.

Should you panic? Not at all, as long as your deposits at any one institution are below federal insurance limits. The basic insurance amount for banks covered by the FDIC is $100,000 per depositor per bank; similar limits apply for credit unions covered under the insurance plan operated by the National Credit Union Administration. Both insurance programs are backed by the full faith and credit of the U.S. government.

If your deposits are insured, a bank takeover is more akin to a merger than anything else. A buyer is usually lined up before the seizure even happens and your access to your accounts continues uninterrupted. If the FDIC can’t find a buyer, it will continue to run the bank and give you plenty of notice before the bank shuts down so you can transfer your money elsewhere.

If your deposits exceed the basic insurance limits, you may still be covered, depending on how your accounts are structured. Check out the FDIC’s brochure and the NCUA’s summary. If you aren’t fully covered, consider moving the excess to other institution(s).

FDIC insurance does not, by the way, cover money you have in brokerage accounts affiliated with the bank. You typically have some coverage by the SIPC, which replaces up to $500,000 if the brokerage goes bankrupt or has other financial problems, but the insurance amount doesn’t cover events like market swings or investment fraud.

TAGS: bank crisis, bank failures, banking, credit union, FDIC, IndyMac, National Credit Union Administration, SIPC, WaMu

You don’t have to be leading the meaning to be concerned about the engagement level at the meeting. Any time you have a speaking role, you need to be thinking about how to compete with “Blackberry Obsession” as well as sleep deprivation for people’s attention.

Suggestions:

Share the stage — think carefully about the information you need to disseminate. Don’t default to the standard “tell” format is another way that makes sense. For example, if you need to report on your team’s progress on a project, structure the report by asking other members of the team to cover certain topics.

Benefits:

• people tend to pay more attention when they know they will be speaking
• a variety of voices/styles is more interesting than one voice alone
• people always find information more interesting when it is facilitated from them rather than told to them

Make it easy for people to contribute. For example, if you are communicating news about changes in the organization, you might encourage participation by providing some information and, rather than asking a closed question, (“Do you have any questions?), ask an open question instead (“What questions do you have?” Or “What are your reactions?”.

Benefits:

• when you ask questions, you invite people to speak up; generally, they rise to the occasion
• when you ask open questions (those which can’t be answered by one word or one phrase answer), you make room for people to take the conversation in a direction that is useful to them

Once you’ve asked your question, wait for an answer. There is nothing that shuts people down faster than a person who answers her own questions. It takes people a bit of time to formulate an answer to a question; don’t preempt them!

TAGS: demonstrating leadership, keeping people engaged, meetings. leadership

I’m always suprised at the number of people who leave one job because they’re unhappy only to find another job that’s not that much better. I’ve also coached young people in their first jobs who are so disappointed to find, after all their schooling, the job isn’t a good fit. You can save yourself a lot of grief if you take time on the front end to assess your interests, needs, and skills. Consider these suggestions:

• Do a formal assessment. You can go to a career counselor who can perform a battery of tests and it will cost you up to $1,000. Or, you can do it yourself with a few books. Two in particular that I like are The Everything Career Tests Book and Do What You Are. Both help you to look inside at what would be most satisfying to you.
• Avoid well-intentioned but off-the-mark advice. Remember the scene from the movie The Graduate (no not that scene) where someone comes up and tells him to get into plastics because it was going to be the business of the future? It didn’t matter if Dustin Hoffman’s character was even slightly interested in plastics. People will always point you in a direction, but until you know what the essential ingredients of work are for you, thank them politely and keep looking.
• Consider your values, education, hobbies, and skills. All are important factors in the choice of career.
• Take a test run. There’s a wonderful company called Vocation Vacations that will pair you with someone who is actually doing what you’ve dreamed of doing. It’s not that expensive and your host will show you the realities of the work. You can do it during a vacation or break from work.
• Make a list of “must have’s” in a job. When interviewing, you need to learn whether or not it’s a good placement for you and you can only do this when you have clarity about what it is that you do want. For example, if helping people is high on your list, then you don’t want to take a job where you sit in an office and crunch numbers most of the day — even if the recruiter tells you you’ll be doing the company a big service. It won’t be satisfying to you.
• Hold out for the right placement. Assuming you’re not being so fussy that no job will realistically meet your needs, don’t take a job because you’re desperate to leave where you are. It will only make you even more miserable. Conduct an aggressive, but targeted, search. Knowing what you do want prevents you from wasting valuable time interviewing for jobs you won’t want.

TAGS: careers, Job Search, Self-Assessment

Increasingly, people are asking how and when to let your employer know that you’re pregnant.  Most recently, Jennifer, who I met at the Oklahoma Bar Association, shared with me how she did it and I thought it was perfect.  So here are a few tips from us both:

1.  Be strategic in your timing.  Just because you’re two months pregnant and dying to tell everyone at work the good news doesn’t mean it’s the best time to do so.  Are there lay-offs about to take place?  Is the boss worried about earnings this quarter? Are you in the midst of a huge project? Choose the time carefully to coincide with the most favorable events in your business to increase the likelihood of the news being accepted with a positive attitude.

2.  A good defense is a good offense.  If you’re a key player in your company, naturally people are going to be worried about how the work will get done between the time of your announcement and the time you return from your family leave of absence.  So be prepared to talk about what you’ve already thought about in terms of how long you can work, how the work will get done and when you plan to return.  Be upbeat and positive as you ensure nothing will slip between the cracks — you can figure it out as you go along.  It’s important to manage the impressions of others so that they continue to see you as a full participant in the process and not marginalize you just because you’re pregnant.

3.  Don’t be apologetic.  So what if it’s not the best time at the company for you to be taking a leave?  Having a child is one of the happiest moments of your life and don’t let anyone take that away by making you feel guilty or by you offering apologies.  Women bear the responsibility for childbirth and there should be no apologies for it. 

4.  Ask for help.  Now is when being a martyr for the cause is going to come back to haunt you.  You’ve always juggled a dozen balls simultaneously and made it look easy.  This is the time to admit (to yourself at least) that you’re human and will need the assistance of others to keep all the balls in the air.  This is not the time to create unnecessary stress for yourself and your unborn child.

5.  Don’t forget to manage the impressions of clients or customers.  They’re an important piece of the puzzle too.  Let them know how their work will be handled, introduce them to anyone who may fill in for you, and stay in touch a bit more than usual to assure them they’re still a priority for you.

TAGS: telling your boss you're pregnant, Workplace pregnancy

Conventional wisdom has always advised against discussing politics (and religion too, but that’s another post!) at work.  This time, conventional wisdom is right; it has been my experience that there is little to gain and a great deal to lose by disregarding that advice.

People likely to engage in a discussion about politics – whether local or national – are often very passionate about the candidates they support and/or their positions on issues.  Chances are, if your perspective is different, you won’t be able to change their minds.  But you can certainly damage your relationship with them.   If you get started with a political conversation, even if you are both polite and “agree to disagree’ to end the conversation amicably, the interaction can have repercussions.  It won’t be easy for either of you to forget the fact that the other is just plain wrong!

So, how can you avoid getting entangled in such a conversation?   Try something like this, ” I’ve made a committment to myself to take some time away from politics at work.”  Then , change the subject.

TAGS: Politics, topics to avoid at work

I was toweling off in the locker room when I overheard an older woman instructing a young friend.

“Go get your money out of your bank now,” the woman said authoritatively. “You don’t want to be stuck without cash if the FDIC takes over.”

Sigh.

It’s true we’re out of practice dealing with bank failures. We haven’t had a sizeable number of them since the savings and loan crisis, when more than 1,000 thrifts went out of business.

It’s also true that IndyMac Bank won’t be the last failure we see. IndyMac was certainly the biggest so far, but analysts tell us dozens more may close before the financial crisis shakes out.

Still, there’s no reason to panic. Most FDIC bank closures are almost non-events, as far as the bank’s customers are concerned. Regulators typically have another bank lined up to take over before the troubled bank is shut down on a Friday; by Monday, it’s business as usual.

Even at IndyMac, where a new federally-chartered bank had to be created, customers could access their accounts via ATM, debit cards and checks over the weekend. By Monday, they had full access to their accounts.

Very occasionally, the FDIC will decide to shut down a bank without a buyer or new bank to take over. In that case, debit and ATM cards will stop working and it may take a few days to receive an FDIC check for your insured deposits. But that’s a rare event, and not very likely.

If it makes you feel better to have some cash on hand, fine. You should also check to make sure your deposits are fully insured, and if not, to spread them around at different banks.

But pulling all your money out is just silly. Don’t let fear and ignorance, packaged as advice, sway you into making bad decisions.

TAGS: bank failures, banking, credit crisis, financial crisis

I find “the black hole” very frustrating. That’s what I call it when I the person for whom I made an introduction doesn’t let me know whether he/she ever connected with the other party. Or when someone with whom I’m working agrees to take on a task but doesn’t provide any status on its progress (or lack thereof) until I ask. Or the person to whom I sent a book doesn’t let me know that it arrived and forces me instead to track the package through the user-unfriendly carrier website. You get the idea….

Not only is a lack of follow-up frustrating, it’s behavior that angers clients and colleagues alike.  It sends messages you may not intend to send -  people may interpret a lack of follow up as an indication that you are disorganized or, even worse, ungrateful.

But here’s the good news, if you are guilty of this career-limiting behavior, you can change it. Here’s how:

1. Recognize how important it is to keep people informed but tailor the frequency of your communication as well as the methodology you choose based on style. For example, does your boss need lots of detail about how the project is progressing or does she prefer just a high level overview? If you give her too much, not only will she not read it but she will feel guilty that she hasn’t. Note: Inducing this kind of guilt in your boss tends to get you labeled as “high maintenance.”
2. Set up a system that works for you. Whether you use a paper or software, devise a tickler system that you find easy to work with and completely commit to it.
3. Allow yourself the time each day to do your follow-ups. Some people find it more efficient to do these as they are working on a particular item and have it “top of mind”, others prefer to set aside some dedicated time each day.

If, despite your best efforts, something falls through the cracks, immediately act when you realize it. A belated follow-up is like a belated birthday card, not as good as on time but better than letting the occasion go unnoticed.

TAGS: career derailment, career derailments, follow-up, managing your career, managing your relationships