Remembrances of our mothers and the lessons they taught us come at the most unusual moments. Twice this week I thought of my mother and how she modeled for me all the behaviors I need to be successful and happy.  These two particular things were simple, but obviously stayed with me.  The first was when I was walking down the street and found myself smiling at each person who passed.  Some people didn’t smile back, others returned a ready smile, and others, surprised that someone would smile at them, offered a belated smile.  What’s the big deal you may wonder.  Through this simple gesture my mother taught me that people are important and everyone wants to be noticed, heard, and cared about.  A lesson that serves me well in a wide variety of situations.

The second memory came when I was in the kitchen struggling to get a screw out of a cabinet knob so that I could replace it with a new one.  I was about to give up in frustration when I remembered standing in another kitchen many years ago with my mother as I struggled to open a jar.  I did give up in frustration (and probably uttered a few expletives in the process) and my mother took the jar and said, “Let me do it.  Nothing gets the best of me.”  How true.  Nothing did get the best of her.  Not losing her father when she was twelve years old.  Not watching her mother toil in a Singer sewing machine factory to make enough money to raise her girls.  Not raising three kids of her own and working full-time as a nurse.  Not being married to a man who was good, but not particularly ambitious.  Not losing her husband just as they were about to retire and reap the fruits of a lifetime of labors.  And not when she was diagnosed with cancer.  Toward the end, after sharing with her the many things I learned from her and promising to pass them on, I asked her if she was afraid to die.   Without hesitation she said, “No, I’m just sorry I can’t teach you any more lessons.”

Her simple remark, “Nothing gets the best of me,” has made me perservere through my own challenges –and caused me to get that knob unscrewed.  There were so many other lessons she taught me through example.  Like the time I was going to a big dance at the temple with a boy who wasn’t Jewish.  Someone from temple called my mother and said she didn’t think it was appropriate.  I stood in the shadows and listened as my mother told the woman that Jews of all people should show more tolerance and if I wasn’t allowed to bring him she was certain I would not want to go.  She was right.  And I didn’t.

Whether you realize it or not, your children learn from you all the time.  They don’t just learn from your words, they learn from the deeds you don’t even know they observe or think they don’t notice.  That’s why it’s critically important that you demonstrate the behaviors you want them to emulate.  And it’s even more important that you don’t engage in behaviors that you don’t want to emulate –  because they will.

TAGS: mothers and daughters, perseverence