Yesterday I spoke with a woman who has served as a mentor for many in her company. She told me that she’s being asked to mentor yet another person and, at this point, is ready to just say “no”. Why is she reluctant to take on another mentee? Yes, of course she is busy, but that’s not the whole story.  The other reason is that she is tired of giving and getting nothing in return. Hannah Seligson in a recent New York Times piece, Girl Power at School, but Not at the Office suggested that forming a strategic network is a key thing that young women (indeed, all women!) should do.  She cautioned about asking too much too soon from a prospective mentor:

I can tell you that it doesn’t work to go up to someone and say, “Will you be my mentor?” That’s the workplace equivalent of “Will you be my boyfriend? A more organic approach - saying something like, “Can I pick your brain about some ways to transition out of my entry-level position in the next year?” - has been much more effective for me.

Hannah is so right.   Strong mentoring relationships grow over time with proper care and attention.  When thinking about approaching a potential mentor, consider the following:

• Nobody can do it all. Think about where you need help and approach more than one person to provide it. The person whose writing skills are amazing may not be the person who can help you to get ready to deliver a big presentation.  Decide what specifically you want to gain from the mentoring relationship and be prepared to ask for it clearly and concisely.

• Think about what you can offer to a mentor in return for her guidance.  Perhaps you have a particular skill, for example, are a whiz at Net 2.0 social networking and your potential mentor doesn’t have a LinkedIn profile yet ─ offer to coach him through the process.  What you offer doesn’t have to be “equivalent”; the important thing is that you are providing reciprocity.

• What do you know (or should you learn) about your mentor’s preferred style? Does she like to meet in person for an early breakfast?  Does he find it easier to talk via phone as he’s driving?  Is an email exchange the best way to connect?

Make it easy for a potential mentor to say “yes” - and then be careful to stay in bounds.   After all, your mentors don’t want to sign adoption papers!< ><-->

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, Coaching Tips, mentors, Women at Work