I was inspired by my colleague Carol Frohlinger’s The “Pink Elephant” in the Room (July 27th 2009) post about how important our personal perceptions and experiences when confronted with a difficult issue.  She went on to say that might be what happens when women are asked about their experiences in working with other women.

The phrase (pink) “elephant in the room” describes something that should be very obvious, something you’d certainly notice.  “Elephant in the room” is actually an English idiom for an obvious truth regarding a question, problem, solution, or controversial issue that though obvious, is ignored by a group of people and goes unaddressed, generally out of embarrassment or taboo.

One of the biggest “pink elephants” in the room for professional women these days – is the one in green that begins with:  “We’d love for you to be our keynote speaker” (workshop leader, seminar facilitator, panelist, consultant) and ends with:  “…but we have very little money, so we thought you might be willing to…”

This long ignored “pink elephant” is making the other members of the herd green with envy.  

How can this elephant not even get talked about?  How is it that this elephant doesn’t get researched, discussed, tweaked and resolved the way most of those other touchy, uncomfortable, “oh-do-we-have-to-go-there” pink elephants (issues) do? 

How can this elephant that asks women professionals to donate their services – same event, same time every year, extremely worthy causes but not paychecks – still be standing in the center of the room when the reason for the gathering is to talk about women improving their financial well-being or managing the marketing of their product and brand to improve their business bottomline?

How can this elephant not understand it needs to walk the thin pink line and pay women professionals for their services and promote that mindset within their organizations?

Women now have impressive social networks and access to other professional women through these connections.  But far too often, we’re still being asked to ask each other to provide our expertise without compensation, or below market value or without the other basic fee for services and terms of engagement automatically afforded our male counterparts.

Part of this has to do with expectations.  Our average guy counterpart just isn’t expected to do as many pro bono gigs as the average professional woman.  That’s why I think it’s time for women to change the old mindset by consistently and proactively committing to pay each other (and get each other paid) for our skills, expertise, knowledge, know-how, ideas and anything else that formerly fell under the  ”we thought you might be willing to” category.

Glinda Bridgforth, a long-time and well respected colleague of mine in the field of personal finance, agrees but says it’s also important that women ask for what we believe we deserve.   Bridgforth is President and CEO of Bridgforth Financial & Associates, LLC (http://www.bridgforthfinancial.com/) and offers these suggestions on how to determine what you’re worth, what your compensation should be. 

“It’s important to get as much information as possible from the potential client,” Bridgforth says.  “Ask what kind of budget they have for a speaker.  Ask who the other speaker candidates are to get a sense of the professional caliber of speaker being sought.  The responses to those two questions give you an indication of the kind of fee the client’s willing to pay.”    Her suggestions can helps you get and set a good ballpark figure instead of guessing and potentially low balling your services or blowing yourself out of consideration.

Bridgforth and I both agree that philanthropy and community service should be part of everyone’s work ethic and responsibility.  “Women can do pro bono or work for lesser compensation on occasion because it is a seed that is being planted which can bloom into some other area,” Bridgforth says.  “Perhaps it can come from someone in the audience who will hire you in the future at your full rate.  But clearly, the pink elephant (in green) is in the room.”

Let’s address the “pink elephant” in green.  Let’s not be embarrassed.  It’s time for women to collectively stop participating in the “pink elephant”-in-green-mentality that abuses, confuses or co-mingles female philanthropy with professional compensation. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

Glinda Bridgforth is the author of “Girl Get Your Credit Straight” and “Girl Get Your Money Straight”.

TAGS: improving women's financial well-being, pay for professional services, pink elephant issue, Thin pink line issue

After a keynote I did last night a young woman came up to me and asked how to make a good first impression with a new boss.  She’s transferring from a division in Los Angeles to one in San Francisco and wants to make sure she gets off on the right foot.  The only thing she knows about the new boss is that others say she’s somewhat of a micromanager. Here’s what I told her:

Even though it’s the same company, there will be new rules, boundaries and strategies at the new locale.  There are three things to do soon after arrival:

• Learn the boss’ priorities and make them your own.  Tell the boss you’re excited about this new opportunity and want to do everything possible to add value as soon as possible.  Then ask the question, “What are the three most important things I can do to help you achieve your goals?”  This isn’t about “kissing up” it’s about “managing up.” 
• Ask your new colleagues about the boss’ hot buttons.   Identify the person who has been in the department the longest and who is most successful.  In a casual setting, such as over lunch or coffee, ask for tips on how to best meet the boss’ expectations. You can say something like, “You’ve been here a lot longer than me and I’m wondering if you would give me some tips on what to do — and not do — to provide our boss with the kinds of deliverables she expects.”  Then just listen.  Regardless of the answer, you’ll learn something valuable.  Also ask the person if there’s anyone else you should talk to in order to gain more insight into success factors in your department. 
• Be a good observer and extraordinary listener.  You’re looking for clues as to what’s expected on your new playing field.  Does the boss like frequent updates?  How does she like them delivered — in person or through e-mail?  Is she someone who focuses more on concepts or details?  In meetings does she invite discussion or only want to give direction?  If she is indeed a micromanager, you know what to expect so go with the flow. 

In short, don’t expect that what worked for you at your last job or with your former boss will work with the new one.  Too many people view bosses as one dimensional and lump them into one category: management. In fact, there are as many boss styles as there are bosses.  Don’t be afraid to ask your boss how you can add value.

TAGS: changing jobs, dealing with a new boss, managing up

Thank you to Brian Kurth for inviting me to write a guest post for his blog. If you aren’t familiar with Brian’s work, check out his career coaching and his company, Vocation Vacations. He is also the author of Test-Drive Your Dream Job: A Step-By-Step Guide To Finding And Creating The Work You Love. Here is the blog post I wrote for Brian’s blog:

It used to be so easy: entry-level professionals applied for entry-level jobs; mid-level professionals applied for mid-level jobs and senior-level people eventually retired.

Ah, the good old days.

Today, due to the economic recession, it feels as though everyone is competing with everyone for a limited number of positions. When this happens, the lowest ones on the totem pole are particularly vulnerable. According to a survey from Qvisory and the Rockefeller Foundation, nearly 19 percent of young adults are unemployed or looking for work.

What can you do if you’re a recent grad competing with experienced professionals who are willing to take a step back? Here are some suggestions:

1. Seek out honest feedback. Find someone you trust—a former colleague, relative, career services professional, etc.—who will be candid. Do you say “like” or “you know” too much when you talk? Should you dress less “slacker”? Are you applying for jobs you’re really not qualified for? Take this feedback seriously and address any areas where you’re getting in your own way.

2. Become an active user of LinkedIn.com. LinkedIn is the largest and most active professional social network, but many young professionals are unaware of it. Don’t miss out on this resource! (Full disclosure: I am a global campus spokesperson for LinkedIn.) First, set up a profile that includes keywords an employer might use to find someone with your skills. Include all experience you have, including unpaid internships, volunteer gigs and extra curriculars. Next, scour other profiles to uncover potential employers and professionals who might agree to an informational interview (alums from your college are ideal). Finally, use LinkedIn to help others with suggestions, job leads and recommendations—the more people you help, the more people will offer to help you. Note: I am leading a series of official LinkedIn webinars for career services professionals. I welcome you to register for this 60-minute, free webinar at http://careerservices.linkedin.com/webinar.

3. Network face-to-face. While online networking is very important, still the best way to make a strong impression is in person. Make sure you are networking across generations to maximize your chances of finding out about opportunities. Don’t feel intimidated if you are the youngest person at a networking event, say at a Rotary Club meeting or a college alumni gathering. Sometimes you have the best chance of making a memorable impression when you’re different from everyone else.

Read the rest of this blog post at BrianKurth.com…

TAGS: Generation Y, Job Search

Last week’s flap about the arrest of Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr., President Obama‘s reaction to it and the reaction to President Obama‘s reaction made me think about how important our personal perceptions and experiences are when we are confronted with a difficult issue. Regardless of title, role or position, at the end of the day, we react as people – sometimes more emotional than rational. I think that’s what happens when women are asked about their experiences in working with other women.

Take Peggy Klaus’ A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting published in The New York Times in January, 2009 where she raised the topic she refers to as “the pink elephant in the room”. Klaus wrote about the fact that sometimes women mistreat other women in the workplace. While raising the issue caused some to accuse her of perpetrating stereotypes about women behaving badly in the workplace, others were grateful that Klaus had given voice to an issue that had affected them deeply. She wrote a follow up piece this week to respond to the comments and criticisms she received.

There’s a dearth of research on the topic – and while it would be interesting to better understand the undoubtedly complicated factors at work here, the reality is when you, as a women, have to deal with a difficult woman at work it can be challenging because it is difficult to keep your own emotions under control. That’s because we often believe the stereotypes that abound ─that women are, by nature, nurturing and collaborative. While that is true for many women, others don’t fit that bill at all.

What to do when a woman with whom you work does something that upsets you?

1. Don’t respond in the moment ─ step back from the situation.
   In the language of negotiation, it’s called “going to the balcony” where you can access the situation more thoughtfully. Give yourself some time and space to figure out what to do.
2. Examine your reaction ─ ask yourself what you are feeling and why.
   Are you feeling confused? Angry? Fearful? Betrayed? Hurt? Surprised? Be reflective ─ is your reaction reasonable or are you taking something personally that wasn’t meant that way?
3. Determine whether this is an isolated incident or whether there is a pattern.
   If it is the former, you may want to do nothing at the moment, simply chalking it up to a bad day. If the latter, you’ll need to continue with your analysis.
4. Consider her perspective.
   What might be driving the behavior(s) you find troublesome? I know you may be thinking that you don’t care what her point of view is but empathy can go a long way to craft a productive approach to deal with the problem.
5. What action(s) can you take? What are likely to be the consequences of each?
   Here it is important to consider positional power, office politics and the possibility that no matter what you do, she may not modify her behavior.

If you look at the five steps I’ve suggested, you’ll see that they are gender neutral; they’ll be as effective if you are dealing with a difficult male colleague or boss. The benefit is that you’ll be handling a difficult situation effectively and professionally regardless of the sex of the perpetrator. Your career will be the better for it.

TAGS: LinkedIn, stereotypes

Dad’s gone.  Mom’s frail.  How do you take care of her now while trying to keep your own financial goals on track?   

We’re called “The Sandwich Generation” – adult children usually 35 to 64 years of age, who are physically and often financially caring for elderly parents – while still caring for and financially supporting our own children.  I did it for three years – long distance – before my parents died six years ago.  They’d married at 17 and 21, lived 61 years together and died 6 months apart almost to the day.

Many parents are living longer these days and we’re grateful but that often means they’re outliving their savings.  While it’s not easy to become elderly – it’s also not easy to become a parent to your parents – and handle their financial needs as well as your own.  

At some point in our lives, nearly all of us will become a family caregiver.  More than 25% of the U.S. households are involved in some way with elder/parent care. 30 to 40% of workers will assist elderly parents in the year 2020 compared with 12% today. 

A third to one-half of elder caregivers are also employed outside the home and sacrifice job performance, lower productivity, career opportunities and therefore lower future earnings.  Distracted workers aren’t productive workers.  Work disruptions due to employee eldercare giving responsibilities result in productivity losses of more than $1100 a year per employee. Eventually, 12% quit their jobs to provide elder care full-time.  Be sure to ask if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program which helps you find related elder care services, geriatric case managers and so forth. 

Money is always a sensitive subject.  But good things happen when families discuss money in an open, non-judgmental way and make a plan.  

What can an adult child care giver do for their elderly parent(s)?

• Protect their assets with a durable power of attorney.  It’s the best way to handle finances in the event they become unable to and it’s in effect from the time of signing until death.
• Make sure they have a medical healthcare power of attorney – a living will – so you can make decisions for them in case they can’t because health related needs can be hugely expensive.
• Do you have copies of their important documents or know where they’re located – specifically bank accounts, investment holdings, insurance policy numbers, company names, estate planning documents and professional financial advisors?
• If your parents don’t have long term care insurance – how and where will they be cared for and who will pay the bill?
• Will they qualify for government Medicaid? You’ll need to meet with an eldercare attorney on their behalf so you know their eldercare options and costs and who will be responsible for them – because it could be you, the government or a combination.

 Adult children need to know their parents’ financial resources in order to make good decisions on their behalf – thoughtfully, effectively and cooperatively while staying aware of, and not derailing their own financial future needs. 

 Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: durable power of attorney, Elder caregiving, employee assistance programs, financial documents, long term care insurance, medicaid, medical healthcare power of attorney, sandwich generation, workforce and eldercare costs

Not long ago I went to a funeral for the father of a colleague.  When my colleague stood up to eulogize his Dad he said, “He may not have been the Dad I wanted but he was the Dad I needed.”  Those  in attendance gasped, but I thought it was a great line.  I understood perfectly what he was saying.  Their personalities were not the best suited to one another but he learned many important lessons from the Dad who loved him as best he could.

The same holds true in the workplace.  Our bosses are not always best suited to our personalities or our developmental needs. Not every boss — not even most bosses — are proficient at giving us the coaching and mentoring we need.   But that doesn’t mean they can’t be invaluable contributors to our careers.  Here are some suggestions for getting the most out of your boss/direct report relationship:

• Look for complementarity.  We sometimes don’t appreciate the boss who has a different skill set than our own.  Are you a big picture thinker with a boss who focuses on details?  If so, much to your dismay, the boss may be constantly reminding you to fill in the gaps. But in the long-run you will learn more valuable behaviors and skills than you will from a boss who is just like you.
• Capitalize on the bad.  So many people have told me that they learned a lot from bad bosses.  They learned what they did not want to do, things they would not emulate, and behaviors they would prefer to focus on.  If you’ve got a bad boss analyze is or her behaviors and identify those that you will not include in your repertoire.
• Cut the boss some slack.  If you can see your boss as a human being first and a boss second you just might be able to forgive some of his or her transgressions.  Maybe she’s intimidated by senior management and too quick to agree to unreasonable requests — that later fall on your shoulders.  Or perhaps he’s conflict averse and won’t step in when mediation is needed.  Understanding the boss’ limitations enables you to develop an alternative game plan.
• Ask for what you need.  We’ve talked about this before.  Don’t just ask for feedback.  Ask what you can do more or less of to be even more effective in your role.  This gives the boss a broader array of behaviors to describe than just, “You’re doing fine” in response to the question, “How am I doing?”
• Seek alternative mentoring and coaching.  So the boss isn’t such a great coach or mentor.  Stop lamenting the fact and look for others who can teach you what you need to learn to round out your resume or skill set.  Whether it’s a formal or informal relationship, whether it’s direct or observational, you can get what you need from someone other than you boss.   

TAGS: Coaches, Developing your skills, Getting feedback, managing up, mentors

More and more organizations are using social media sites such as LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter to recruit talent. Recently, Ray Ferreira at TheUniversitySpace.com interviewed me on the topic of “Smart Social Media for Recruiting.”

Here is an introduction to our conversation:

Online social networks create a whole new media paradigm through which to reach today’s graduating talent. The rapid pace of this shift, and a new world of social etiquette, has left many corporate university recruiters off on the sidelines.

In this podcast we’re joined by author, speaker, and Gen-Y expert Lindsey Pollak, as we begin to frame out an approach to social media practices that can serve recruiters in the university space.

Listen here for tips on how to best use social media to recruit young talent to your organization.

TAGS: Generation Y, Recruiting, social networking

GE’s former chairman, Jack Welch spoke at the Society for Human Resource Management‘s annual conference recently saying (as reported in the Wall Street Journal):

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” Mr. Welch said those who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if “you’re not there in the clutch.” …”We’d love to have more women moving up faster,” Mr. Welch said. “But they’ve got to make the tough choices and know the consequences of each one.”  Taking time off for family “can offer a nice life,” Mr. Welch said, “but the chances of going to the top on that path” are smaller.” “That doesn’t mean you can’t have a nice career,” he added.

Not surprisingly, his remarks caused quite a stir ─ as of this writing, 137 comments on the WSJ article, 49,900 hits when one googles  “Welch: ‘No Such Thing as Work-Life Balance’” and undoubtedly quite a few serious conversations between and among aspiring career women and their partners.  I must admit that I struggle with this because while it is true that those who aspire to the CEO position must make “tough choices”, it really bothers me that Welch seems to view this as a problem only women face.  Anyone who covets the corner office must come to grips with the fact that the air gets harder and harder to breathe the higher one goes up the corporate ladder.

Welsh is a complicated personality ─ his 2001 autobiography, Straight From The Gut is illustrative.  When I read it, it struck me that he seems to struggle with women ─ he idolizes them (see his over-the-top tributes to his mother), takes them for granted (see his description of his marriage to Carolyn, his first wife) and underestimates them (see the Afterward he wrote after his second wife, Jane Beasley, made his very lucrative retirement package public in connection with contentious divorce settlement negotiations).  And more recently, fell head over heels in love with Suzy Wetlaufer while she was interviewing him for an article she was writing for Harvard Business Review.  She has since become his third wife.

What should you do if you work for someone like this?

• Accept that he won’t be able to ignore the fact that you are female.  It will always be an issue, the elephant in the room.   Anticipate situations when things might get uncomfortable for you and  avoid them.
• Recognize that his ego is bigger than North Dakota.  He will not be able to give you credit for the work you do without some level of Pygmalion glow. He will not allow you to move on to larger roles in other parts of the company unless you have completely solved his succession problem – you must source and completely indoctrinate your successor.
• Exit “Stage Left”  as quickly as possible.  This kind of a boss is not coachable.  He is so stuck in old ways of thinking that it’ll take a team of employment lawyers several years to pry him out.

While sexual harassment is illegal, it is difficult to prove and taxing to your career and your soul.  Ditto for sexual discrimination.  You certainly can (and sometimes have no choice but to do so) take someone like him on but sadly, these remarks come from a recognized leading business thinker.  Perhaps we haven’t come so far after all.

TAGS: the thin pink line, walking the thin pink line, work life balance

Paying with a credit card is definitely handy – just be sure you don’t pay an unnecessary price for the convenience.  By that I mean, don’t let credit card fees get out of control. 

There are ways that this can happen without you easily knowing of it.

First and foremost are late fees.  They can be exorbitant!  Miss a payment due date and you can get hit with a penalty ranging from $15-$39. 

Not only is this all-important due date not always crystal clear but credit card companies have the right to change this due date deadline with very little notice.  In fact, they can even specify an exact time of day that your payment is due!

And since a late fee increases the balance you’re carrying, if you’re at or near your spending limit, this fee could push you over the limit which could then result in an over-the-limit charge of another $15-$39.

Another potential way your credit card fees can get out of control:  if you’re late with a payment or go over your spending limit. 

If either of these situations happen, the credit card company can increase your annual percentage rate of interest (APR) into double digits.  Many credit card companies will do this even if you’re late on any of your bills – even those not charged to that particular card.  This is a tough but good lesson in reminding us how inter-connected credit history is and the potential consequences of any credit delinquencies.

So what to do if you are hit with a late fee or over-the-limit fee? 

• Contact the credit card company.  Ask them to wave the charge for you as a one time courtesy.  Some will.
• Request a lower APR and if the company says “no” consider transferring to another credit card company offering a lower rate.

If you do consider switching to another credit card company – one caveat:  if you have a long-standing history with that credit card issuer, closing that account could hurt your credit score. 

So I suggest that you keep the credit card with which you have the longest credit history – even if the APR is a bit steep.  Use it just a couple of times a year so there’s activity on it but only charging what you can pay off in full when the bill comes due.  However, shop for a credit card that has a low rate and use that one consistently and responsibly.

Plastic protocols are important to know and knowing them keeps your credit – worthy.

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: APR, credit card fees, credit cards, late fees, over-the-limit fees, payment due date

E-mail has made life easier in some ways — at least I’m no longer on the phone for 7 hours every day.  But it does have its downsides.  E-mail makes it easy to say things you might never say to someone’s face.  It also provides you with an avenue to copy everyone and her sister if you want them to know something negative about a person or a particular interaction.  Then there’s the mistaken belief that you don’t have to worry about grammar as you might in hard copy correspondence. 

If you want e-mail to be your friend instead of your worst enemy – follow these simple tips:

1. Don’t be a chicken — never say something in an e-mail you wouldn’t say in person. 
2. Consider anything you put in an e-mail public knowledge — because you don’t know how it will be used. 
3. Respond to all e-mails within 24 hours — even if it’s only to acknowledge receipt and say you’ll get back to the person.
4. Treat e-mail correspondence the same as you would any other important document.  Avoid short-hand, cute emoticons, and check for spelling and grammar.
5. Think about who really needs to be on the distribution list vs. copied.   The only people on the distribution list should be those who have to take action or respond.  FYI’s should be copied.  This helps people distinguish what they have to reply to.
6. Avoid “CYA” copies.  It only makes people distrustful of you. 
7. When forwarding messages, check the e-mail trail below.  If it’s a long train there could be information that was not intended for public consumption. 
8. If two e-mails back and forth don’t clarify an issue, pick up the phone. 
9. When it’s clear an e-mail war is about to rage, arrange a face-to-face meeting or teleconference.
10. Keep in mind that your workplace computer is the property of the company and they may check your correspondence at any time with or without your knowledge.  If you’re going to diss the boss, do it on your own equipment.

TAGS: e-mail, E-mail etiquette, e-mail wars