A while ago, I wrote a post about keeping your personal life private. But what can you do if you’ve already made the mistake of sharing too much information? Consider this dilemma posed by a reader (edited):

Hi. True confession time. I’m an assistant manager and over the last year, I’ve been a total idiot: sharing the things you mentioned about my private life.

Divorce, medical problems, problems with my daughter. I did this with subordinates I should have NEVER confided in. The big boss is retiring soon and passing the baton to me, so to speak and I’ve made a MESS that unfortunately has stained my reputation here. I get a lot of disrespect from the other employees who will be working under me. I feel that they know too much.

I wish I could go back with an eraser and erase their minds but it is too late. Was I mentally ill at the time I did all that revealing and chatting with them??? I hate myself for that! I feel I have spoiled the chance at being an effective manager with them.

What can I do now besides keeping my mouth shut about my personal life, which I have started doing. Or is it too late? Should I resign and turn over a new leaf somewhere else? I have been with my company 16 years.

I’d appreciate any advice that would help me. I do realize the error of my ways and now need advice on what to do about it. Thanks.

Here’s how I responded:

What’s done is done. Time to move on. Your situation is complicated but I don’t think it’s hopeless.

Suggest that you think about having one-on-one conversations with people who work for you, focusing on their careers and how you plan to support them.

Once people understand that you are on their side and want to develop them, they will probably be only too happy to forget the past. What they may be concerned about is whether your personal problems will overshadow them; you will have to turn that perception around.

If someone brings something personal up that you’ve shared with them, I’d recommend that you deflect it. You might say something like, “Thanks for your concern but that is behind me now. Let’s spend our time figuring out the best way to get this work done without having to stay late.”

It won’t be easy but demonstrating your competence (and concern as a leader) is the way to reinvent yourself in the eyes of your co-workers.

The reality is that once you make a mistake like this woman did, you have to re-negotiate the relationship.  In order to be an effective leader, you must have and use power wisely and well. While she now does have positional power (she is or soon will be the boss), her personal power has suffered because her vulnerabilities are public.  She’ll have to regain her standing one colleague at a time – and negotiation is the way to do that.

TAGS: LinkedIn. recovering from mistakes, privacy, too much information