As you read this today I’m in Italy somewhere along the Amalfi Coast.  I left last Friday with my dear friend Susan to celebrate her 60th birthday.  When she first asked me if I would be willing to do a special trip to honor her 60th I said yes.  I thought she would want to go to a spa or the wine country — nothing beyond my reasonable expectations.  When she said Italy was her destination of choice, I was surprised but agreed to do whatever would make her birthday memorable.

Research done by the American Association of University Women indicates that girlfriends play a critical role in our formative years.  It is through them that we learn to trust, feel joy, and experience intimacy.  But as a girl turns thirteen or fourteen years old her focus shifts from girlfriends to boys.  This is when the “mean girls” phenomenon kicks in and our relationships with other females become more complex.

How often are we asked to do something that goes beyond our expectations?  How infrequently do we ask others for what we would really like?  Here are three simple things I’d like you to think about as you consider your relationships with the women who are really important to you:

• Stretch.  In my case, I had enough award mileage available to pay for not only my ticket but Susan’s as well. I was saving those miles for a trip to Ireland next year, but Susan would only turn 60 once.  In thinking about the joy I had received from Susan’s friendship over the years it didn’t seem unreasonable to cash in those miles to go to Italy.   If your good friend asks for something that requires you to stretch, go for it.  Friendships are invaluable and we can’t really put a price tag on them.
• Ask.  What is it that you want from friends but are reluctant to ask for?  Supportive friends will want to make an effort to meet your needs — but you’ve got to ask.  You might hesitate to ask friends to pitch in $100 a piece to rent a house in the mountains, desert, or at the beach just to spend some time together, but  think about the shared experience that will result.  It’s not only about you, it’s about them too. Whatever expense and challenge they have to go to make it happen is usually well worth it. 
• Be grateful.  When surrounded by the women who make a difference in your life be consciously grateful of their presence, of what they have given to be present, and how together you can make a difference.  Take time during your experience to identify ways in which together you might contribute to other women who are less fortunate or help out a friend who is going through a rough time.  Visit the website www.gratefulness.org to learn more. 

TAGS: AAUW, American Association of University Women, Friendships, Girlfriends, Work/Life Balance, work/life integration