Back in April, I met a woman at a conference I attended, I’ll call her Laurie.  As a follow up to our very pleasant conversation, when I got back to my office, I sent her a copy of Her Place at the Table. To my surprise (and, I must admit to my momentary chagrin) I never received any acknowledgement from Laurie that she received the book.  Then, last week, I received a lovely note from her; she wrote that she too had enjoyed our conversation and thanked me for the book. The letter was dated April 22 and postmarked the same day – she wrote it soon after she received the book.  The U.S. mail had let us down.  That realization caused me to remember just how important it is to ascribe good intentions to people.

Most people do (or at least try to do) the right thing. When their behavior disappoints us, it is helpful to withhold judgment until it is clear that there isn’t a good explanation.

Some thoughts to help build stronger relationships:

• If you’ve reached out to someone and received no response, consider what else may have gone wrong.
  As in my story about Laurie above, there may be a very good reason you haven’t heard back. For example, an unanswered email may have been caught in the recipient’s spam filter, gone to an inactive email address or otherwise failed to reach him/her. Alternatively, as has sometime happened to even the most organized and disciplined of us, it may have simply languished in the well-meaning but very busy recipient’s Inbox having slipped through the cracks. Resend it and if you still get no response, pick up the phone.

• When you hear “no” to a request you think is reasonable, consider why the person you asked won’t go along.
  He or she probably has a rationale that makes sense from his/her perspective. Don’t be reluctant to ask why; understanding the reasons may enable you to propose a different solution that will meet your needs as well as those of the other person.

• If someone you’re meeting is late, don’t jump to the conclusion she’s rude.
  The traffic may have been worse than usual due to an accident, the bus may have broken down or he may have had an unforeseeable client emergency. Any or all of those situations may have been further complicated by a cell phone battery failure. Take a deep breath and give the undoubtedly already stressed latecomer a break.

Of course, if you see patterns of behavior that adversely affect you, you need to acknowledge that too and decide how to handle it. It may be that this particular relationship isn’t worth nurturing. But first, give people the benefit of the doubt!

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, LinkedIn