The Perils of an Office Romance
A coaching colleague recently consulted with me about an interesting case that may apply to you. Her client (let’s call her Carol) works in a male-dominated industry and has worked hard to get the respect and recognition she deserves. Soon after starting a relationship with a man in a position senior to her, a promotional opportunity became available. Carol was considered a strong candidate for the job and had high hopes of snagging it.
Her office romance became public knowledge when she and the man attended an office party together. They had nothing to hide — she didn’t report to him and both were single. But suddenly she was no longer the lead candidate for the promotion. The company could legitimately find plenty of reasons to promote someone else, but it was clear her relationship played into the equation. Her coach told her that the company might assume that there was a conflict of interest or that she didn’t really “need” the promotion if the relationship turned into marriage.
Carol felt betrayed by the company and thought that it was unfair that her personal life played a part in the decision. Whether it did or not, Carol left herself in a vulnerable position given the fact that she was one of the few women in management at this company and was dating one of the executives.
We all know that people meet their ultimate spouses in the workplace, but it’s not without a price. I’m sure some considerations (legal or not) here included:
- Could Carol be trusted with confidential information?
- Would Carol ultimately marry the man and go off to have children leaving the company in need of senior manager?
- Was Carol taking her career seriously or was she just out to find a spouse?
- Would other managers and be candid with Carol knowing she and this executive were in a relationship?
You get the picture. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone from the office, but it can negatively impact your career opportunities. We all have to live our values and follow our hearts, but if we’re serious about our careers we also have to consider the ramifications of our choices — particularly if we are in senior positions.
Before I tell you the end of the story, tell me what YOU think. What should Carol do? What would YOU do? After I hear from you I’ll tell you what happened.
TAGS: dating co-workers, dating in the workplace, Office romances
I think Carol should change jobs. If her co-workers are anything like most groups of co-workers, she has been labeled a gold-digger (or worse) and that label does not come off.
I always had a strict rule not to date anyone at the same company for exactly these reasons.
Comment by E.D. — November 18, 2009 @ 7:44 am
I have been dangerously close to being Carol. For 8 long painful years there was an undeniable chemistry between me (a VP) and an EVP in another division of the company. Our common client base meant that we frequently traveled together, attended formal events together and communicated several times a week.
When the chemistry between us was something our colleagues noticed and we could not deny, he initiated “the talk.” For all the right reasons, we agreed that we would not be any more than friendly colleagues.
There were times when our self-imposed rules were so hard to honor. Did I mention those years were painful? But we both knew the damage a relationship would do to our careers, especially his.
I was not willing to jeopardize my career to test out a relationship. Although we had strong feelings for each other, who’s to say that once we actually dated that we would actually build a long term relationship? But if the relationship had worked out and become long term, it would have been worth the sacrifice. I just couldn’t roll those dice.
But you asked questions, didn’t you?
What should Carol do? Find another job. If she has been labeled as someone the “powers that be” will not trust at that company, her career is officially stalled.
Once she finds another position with another company, I hope she knows not to date at work.
Comment by Donlyn Jones — November 18, 2009 @ 4:23 pm