Since the U.S. holiday season has begun with Thanksgiving (an old tradition) and Black Friday (a relatively new tradition), it seems timely to consider ways you can manage the season in a way that ensures that you will truly enjoy it, rather than merely enduring it. Recently, the NY Times had an article about how badly some families behave ─ the examples included everything from a complaint that sweet potatoes with marshmallows weren’t on the menu to a woman who found the need to delve deep into her psyche to share her conviction that her family didn’t love her.

Funny, if it’s not your family!

But, sadly, bad behavior isn’t limited to the holiday gathering alone. It can begin with disagreements about who’ll host, who’ll be invited, whether to do a sit-down dinner or a buffet and whether the good china or paper plates are the right table setting. And that is certainly not an exhaustive list!

If you want to enjoy the holidays, you need to have a realistic idea of what is doable given your particular situation. Consider these ideas:

• You can’t make everyone happy and you shouldn’t be disappointed about that.
  Some family members don’t like each other and if that is the case in your family, don’t make the mistake of thinking it’ll be different this year unless you take preemptive action. If you think there is a chance that the “difficult” person will listen, consider having a conversation about the offending behaviors. Try not to review past transgressions, rather, focus on the upcoming opportunities to be more congenial. If the difficult person won’t listen, consider dropping him/her from the guest list.

• Tradition is important until it doesn’t work anymore, then have the courage to start new traditions.
  When my sister first married, she and her husband traveled every year both to her husband’s family and to ours, thousands of miles from where they were living and from each other. They continued the tradition when their first daughter was born and kept it going even after their second child came along. Each year, it became more difficult ─ their visiting time was limited at each family, the children tended to pick up airborne germs in the crowded airplanes and the cost was outrageous. Finally, they decided that it was time to make a change ─ they started alternating so that they visited only one family each year. While they wished they could be in two places each year, the reality was that they weren’t enjoying the holidays much at all doing things the way they had done them before. Their situation was different. We all got over it.

• Plan ahead.
  If you know that your children won’t eat Aunt Sarah’s luscious leg of lamb, ask her ahead of time if you can bring along something for them that they will eat. If you are traveling, pack some games or toys that will keep them busy and happy. If you know they tend to melt down at 8:00 PM, perhaps you can negotiate an earlier start time.

• Appreciate the stresses others may be feeling.
  Most people (even the most difficult of family members) aspire to enjoy the holidays. While it may not seem like it, they probably don’t wake up in the morning, look at themselves in the mirror and say, “I’ll do my best to make someone miserable today, and I’ll give myself extra points it that person is related to me!”. They have their own perspectives and feelings; the more you try to listen to their concerns, the better your chances to reach agreements that work for both of you. That’s a gift that will long outlast the leftovers!

TAGS: bad behavior, Families, holidays, LinkedIn