I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about rights and privileges.  Needs and wants.  Obligations and choices.  And I’m hoping every parent will actively assume the responsibility of making sure their children understand and respect the differences. 

What I’ve been thinking is that we adults might be able to explain the differences to our children by drawing some parallels for them.  Parallels that encourage a thrifty, frugal, value-minded approach to growing up.  Parallels that connect them in a healthy way to the mentality of the post-Depression generation of some of our parents rather than the access (and excess) to everything of those of us who are from the Baby Boomer generation.  

I’m not indicting my generation.  I’m just indicating that we Baby Boomers support a positive and responsible financial direction and mindset for the generation we produced.   

Our modern day recession had all the sights and sounds of a depression; we just didn’t call it that.  As a result, I think it’s our obligation as parents to remind our children that nothing is promised, that life and security can be fragile and that stated bluntly – in business, you’re only worth what you are and produce today. 

It may be a sobering thought to them but I think all children should be taught from a very early age to understand that what they want is far less than what they need.  Teach them the mindset:  it’s your money so take it personally.   It will help them make better money choices.

I hope and believe that we Boomers have produced a generation that has the entrepreneurial spirit, independence and motivation of their grand and great-grandparents rather than a generation that will just work for somebody to sign their paycheck. 

Every time I read a post from my Thin Pink Line colleague Lindsey Pollack on Generation Y career and workplace issues – I celebrate.  She confirms my hope:  young adults are building successful careers.  She’s addressing my concern:  teaching/advising organizations on how to maximize the potential of the new workforce.   

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: Money needs versus money wants

Now this one I wouldn’t believe if it hadn’t happend to a young woman I personally know.  Earlier this week Rosanne leaves an urgent message on my voice mail telling me that she “thinks” she’s been fired.  To me, that’s like being a “little” pregnant.  Either you were fired, or you weren’t. 

She and a friend were out to lunch when her boss called on her cell phone.  After speaking with the boss, she hung up and put it in her pants pocket.  Well either the phone hadn’t disconnected or it re-dialed from her pocket because her boss overheard every word of a conversation in which Rosanne  complained loud and clear about that “b____” of a boss.  When I asked how the rest of the conversation went, she said it only got worse from there.  Ugh. 

So, when Rosanne gets back to her office the boss calls her in and lets her know what she heard.  Astonishingly, Rosanne felt the conversation was “private” and her boss should not use it to make an employment decision.  She said she had the right to vent with a friend without being punished for it.  The boss thought differently and told her that since she was so unhappy she could clean out her desk and leave.  I’d say that’s fired.

So, OK. If I were Rosanne’s boss I don’t think I would have fired her if there weren’t other problems with her performance.  I’d use it as an opportunity to better understand how employees see me and to find a way to develop a stronger relationship with Rosanne or coach her out of the company.  But I’m not like most bosses.  Rosanne’s boss is like most bosses. 

As Carol has said before, technology isn’t always your friend and this is one case where it definitely wasn’t a friend.  Let’s all remember these simple but often overlooked tips for ensuring you’re not the victim of a techno-glitch:

1. If you’re going to bad-mouth the boss, completely turn off the cell phone.  Then just to be safe bury it somewhere.
2. If you’re ragging on someone (anyone) in an e-mail, check not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES to make sure you haven’t inadvertently copied someone who definitely does not need to see this message. 
3. If you’re using the company copier to make a copy of something important like your divorce decree – or your butt — be sure not to leave anything on the copier plate or in the out tray.  No one wants to see either of those two things — especially the latter. 
4. When leaving an angry voice mail, use the feature that allows you to listen to your message BEFORE it’s delivered.  Don’t just use it once, use it a couple of times to make sure you’re willing to burn that bridge. 
5. If you blind copy someone on an e-mail, assume they will spill the beans.  Then, you’re going to have to explain why you blind copied them.  It’s safer to just copy people and avoid the embarassment. 
6. Keep your desk clean.  Otherwise, you risk picking up papers that don’t belong together (like a report to your headquarters and a love note to your amour) and sending them all out together.  And most likely it’s the love note that will go to headquarters, not vice versa. 
7. Don’t use Facebook or other social networking sites to announce or denounce your latest romantic conquest.  Not only do current or future employers check you out on these sites, it’s really embarassing when it winds up on Judge Judy.

TAGS: Facebook, high profile technology mistakes, Judy Judy, Pocket dialing, technology faux pas

There is a Facebook group called “I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar.” It currently has over 460,000 members.

I am one of them.

Perhaps because I’m the daughter of an English teacher, I believe in the importance of proper spelling and grammar. Employers of recent college grads agree with me. In a 2007 survey, outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas asked executives, “What skill do entry-level job seekers lack the most?” The number one answer by far was written communication.

This means that good writing skills can really help you stand out from the crowd. Good grammar is a competitive advantage. If your writing skills need some improvement, here are 7 quick tips to help you:

1. Lead with your main point. In professional writing, you are communicating in order to accomplish something, so get to the point. For instance, when you’re writing an email, state the purpose of your email in the first paragraph. When you’re writing a cover letter, state the exact job you’re applying for in the first sentence or two. Don’t make people wade through loads of details before they understand why you’re writing in the first place.

2. Be concise. Speaking of getting to the point, do it quickly and then wrap up. We live in a world of multi-taskers, so conciseness is the only way to keep people’s attention (140 characters is quickly becoming our average attention span). When I review resumes, cover letters and networking emails, my first piece of advice to the writer is almost always, “make it shorter.” When you write concise, powerful sentences and paragraphs, people are more likely to pay attention. Long, rambling communications get deleted.

3. Don’t trust spell check. Because you’re a generation that’s grown up with spell check, you tend to rely on it way too much. Spell check doesn’t catch errors like confusing “effect” and “affect” or “there,” “their” and “they’re.” And it never catches misspellings of the names of people, products or companies. When in doubt, have a human being check your work, not a computer.

4. Use proper capitalization and punctuation. my biggest pet peeve when it comes to emails i receive from college students is when everything is in lower case and there is very little punctuation if any at all trust me its not cute its really unprofessional so please dont do it thnx. AND NOTE THAT ALL CAPS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU ARE YELLING.

5. Limit those exclamation points! This is another big pet peeve among the older professionals I meet!! Young people use way too many exclamation points!!!

6. Consult a writing manual. What do you do when you are unsure of a grammar or punctuation usage? If you’re like most people, you shrug your shoulders and say, “Well, hope I got that right!” This is not a wise strategy. Instead, consult a writing website or manual such as The Chicago Manual of Style or the Associated Press Style Guide. Taking a few extra seconds to look up a rule can land you a job or a promotion — it’s more than worth it.

7. Don’t hide behind your keyboard. Finally, don’t write when you should pick up the phone or talk to someone in person. Remember that the written word — especially in the form of an email — doesn’t always correctly convey the tone you intend. And, in situations like giving bad news, quitting a job or criticizing someone’s work, writing is simply a cop-out. Although it’s hard to have difficult conversations in person, you’ll thank yourself for doing the right thing.

What are your best writing tips? Please share!

Note: This blog post originally appeared on my “College to Career” blog on MyPath.com.

TAGS: Communication Skills, Generation Y

Every time I watch the Olympics, I find it thrilling. Certainly the mastery of the sports awes me ─ the athletes make it look easy but we know it’s not. The desire to be champions is at the core of their success but desire is merely a dream without discipline.

You can’t teach someone the desire to be a champion – and clearly we can’t all be Olympic champions but we can be the best we can be at whatever it is we do. And, we can teach our kids to do the same. If you are a parent trying to raise kids with a strong work ethic, here are some ideas to consider:

• Limit TV ─ “what”, “when” and “where”. I think some TV, even on weeknights after homework was finished is fine but consider this: The Nielsen Company show kids aged 2-5 now spend more than 32 hours a week on average in front of a TV screen. The older segment of that group (ages 6-11) spend a little less time, about 28 hours per week watching TV, due in part that they are more likely to be attending school for longer hours.

Watch it with them and discuss what you saw.

Think carefully before letting your kids have TVs in their rooms, if they do, you lose control of the “what” and the “when”.

• Keep the computer in public space. Computers should be used in a part of the home where your kid may have to IM “pos” (parent over shoulder) at any time.

• Let them know you are interested. Keep up with your kids’ teachers and assignments. I’m a big believer in the role of parent as homework “coach”, not doing the assignment but making the time to check that it’s been done as well as to serve as a resource as needed.

• Be clear about your expectations. They don’t have to get all A’s but they should work to the best of their ability.

TAGS: LinkedIn, work ethic. raising children

Let’s be clear.  Bad financial habits have no color and don’t discriminate.  But in the spirit of Black History Month, I wanted to speak specifically about women of color and money.     

As an African-American woman, wife, mother, grandmother and financial literacy advocate/activist … please hear me roar!  Sister/women of color: you can’t afford to keep bad money habits anymore.  

For everything there is a season.  Make this Black History Month February 2010 your starting point.  Now repeat after me your new money mantra:  Black is beautiful but being in the black is my financial state of mind.    

As a group Black women tend to remain steadfast in our spending habits despite the crumbling economy.  Why?  Yes, we are trend setters and influencers who are more likely to shop impulsively and spend to cheer ourselves up.  But the systemic problem is we’ve not been taught good financial habits and we have some deeply cultural bad money habits that put us behind the savings curve and negatively impact our ability to save. 

• Our retirement accounts, stock/bond portfolio and mutual funds holdings are lower than other women of other races.
• Budgeting isn’t a high priority or not done correctly.
• Most purchases are made on credit cards – which is a good way of keeping track with those year end statements that categorize spending for you but credit card spending tends to mask seeing the economy and one’s personal money circumstances clearly. 

Those are the circumstances that make the road to your long term financial stability – longer.  

There’s another dynamic at work in the hearts, minds and pocketbooks of Black women:  generosity.  

As a group, we tend to be steady and generous contributors to family and church money needs.  This long held and deep seated sense of obligation has put many women of color behind the savings curve and negatively impacted our ability to save.  I’m not judging what you do with your money.  I’m just advocating knowing why you’ve made that decision.  And what are the ramifications (good or bad) for you.  We must recalculate our relationship with our money, who gets it, when, how and how often.  And I advocate that the recalculation begin with a mindset that will be new to many African-American women: pay yourself first.  That means every time you get money, put something away (savings) for yourself.  The amount isn’t as important as the discipline. 

Overwhelmingly, when I give a keynote or seminar on the importance of women becoming comfortable with their personal money – almost every Black woman regardless of age tells me:  “I wish I’d learned more about money and investing growing up.” 

My goal this Black History Month 2010 is to let my sister/friends of color hear me roar!  You can’t afford to keep bad money habits anymore.  And we can’t afford to pay them forward to future generations of girls and women.  Mind over your money matters.  Get out of the cycle of overspending and not saving.   Being Black is beautiful but being ‘in the black’ should be your financial state of mind. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: black women and money, February Black History Month, women of color

Maria wrote in with this predicament and question:

My career had been on an upward trajectory until I was terminated for refusing to sign off on something I considered unethical.  With diminished self-confidence and thinking I needed a break from my industry, I took a part-time job with a one year contract that paid less than I was making in my last position.  Soon after accepting this role, I was offered what I would consider the perfect long-term career, but turned it down because I felt it would be unethical to break my agreement with the part-time organization.  Although I’m enjoying a slower pace, the money is less and now I’m worried about money and if I made the right decision.  Did I cut off my nose to spite my face?

First, I learned long ago that we make decisions for the best of all possible reasons in the moment.  None of us sets out to make a bad decision and only in retrospect can we know if it was wise or in our best interests.  So, in this regard, I suggest you let go of any worry about past decisions and focus on the present and future. 

What is of more concern to me is your belief that it would be unethical to take another, seemingly better, position once you assumed the part-time role.  Perhaps this might be what happened at your last job as well.  You say you refused to sign off on something you considered unethical, but through exploration, dialogue and creative problem-solving could an alternative have been reached?

Believe me, I think business ethics are critical.  At the same time, I’m wondering if you, like many women, are stuck in a place of black and white/right and wrong without considering how issues can be worked through ethically and to your advantage.  Women are more likely to be the “conscience” of an organization — even in small inconsequential matters.  Whereas a guy will pick his battles, a woman can at times (as you say) bite off her nose to spite her face. 

Let me give you some things to think about:

• Never act unethically, but first seek to understand instructions that may on the surface seem unethical.  It could be that you’re lacking a piece of information that changes the situation entirely.  Ask questions that help illuminate the real issues for everyone involved so that you don’t become the scapegoat. 
• Find alternatives to insubordination.  If you know something you’ve been asked to do is unethical, simply refusing to do it makes you insubordinate and a prime target for termination.  That may be OK with you if the ethics involved are so egregious that you wouldn’t want to work for this company anyway, but perhaps it’s a rogue manager you’ve gotten stuck with.  If you want to stay with the company, have a discussion with your manager about what makes you uncomfortable, why you can’t bring yourself to do it, and ask for a transfer.  Alternatively, speak with human resources about another position within the company without bad-mouthing your boss.  You can always say something like, “As much I like working for this company, I don’t think Joe and I make the best match and I’d like to be considered for vacancies when they arise.”
• Don’t underestimate the power of simple but clear communication.  So you’ve taken a job for a year when a better one comes up.  In my opinion, it’s more bad form than unethical to just hand in your notice and leave (and depending on the contract it could put you in legal trouble).  But what if you went to your new management and explained the situation: a position you never anticipated has been offered to you and you’d like to pursue it, but don’t want to leave them in the lurch.  Is there a way you could work with them to hire a replacement?  Could you do contract work for them on week-ends?   Most employers don’t really want to keep employees who they think won’t be happy in the long-run and are willing to work with them to find win/win solutions. 
• Don’t confuse ethics with disappointing others.  It’s fairly easy to make “nice girls” feel guilty when they make decisions that are in their best interests but are ones with which others disagree.  You’ll be accused of being unethical, selfish, or a host of other things if the person thinks it make you do what they want.   But if you haven’t lied, cheated, acted immorally or contrary to the public good, chances are you haven’t acted unethically. 

TAGS: Workplace ethics

I’ll never forget what my driving instructor said to my mom while we were waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles the morning of my driver’s license test.

“She has the ability to pass. It’s going to come down to whether she thinks she can pass.”

I failed.

My driving instructor was exactly right. I had practiced enough and had the skills and knowledge to get my license. What I was missing was the confidence to actually do it.

I see this same situation all the time with college students and recent grads in the job market. They have the talent, skills and ability to get a job, but they lack the self-confidence it takes to land a position, especially in the ultra-competitive market we’re experiencing right now.

If you’re struggling with self-confidence, here are some tips:

1. Ask for feedback. Recruit a trusted relative, career services staff member, professor or friend to assess you honestly. Often we don’t even realize our strongest assets because they come naturally to us. Ask the person to list your best qualities and most impressive accomplishments. On the flip side, ask for constructive feedback on your weaknesses. Find out if the things you’re most concerned about — lack of experience, a less-than-desirable GPA, shyness, etc. — are legitimate concerns or if you’re obsessing over nothing. If your fears are unfounded, let them go once and for all!

2. Take action on any gaps. If you do determine some important weaknesses, develop a game plan for improving the key skills, knowledge or qualities you’ll need to land the job you want. Take action! Sign up for a coaching session at your career services office, register for an e-course, read a few instructional books or hire a career coach or tutor. Besides gaining the skills you need, you’ll have a great answer to the interview question, “What is your biggest weakness?” You’ll be able to say, “I identified a key weakness and here are the steps I took to overcome it.”

3. Overprepare. Think about your confidence level when you walk into a test for which you’ve studied really thoroughly versus how you feel walking into a test for which you’ve skimmed your notes for ten minutes the night before. Most people don’t realize that a job hunt is something you can study for. Before attending a job fair, spend an hour or two on the websites of companies that will have booths. Before a job interview, spend an hour reading the organization’s website (especially the mission statement, recruiting pages and recent press releases) and study the LinkedIn profiles of the people who will be interviewing you. Read e-newsletters and blogs from your industry to keep up with current events that might be discussed at a networking event. The more preparation you do, the more confident you’ll feel when you interact with recruiters and other professionals you’ll encounter during your job search.

4. Seek out recommendations. One of my favorite features of LinkedIn is the opportunity to have people write recommendations that will appear on your profile. This not only strengthens your profile’s value but also reminds you of your best qualities. Ask for recommendations from former bosses, internship coordinators, professors, volunteer coordinators, students you’ve worked with on activities or other people you’ve known professionally or academically. Whenever you need a boost of confidence, go into your profile and read the good things other people have said about you.

Note: This post originally appeared on Lindsey’s “College to Career Blog” on MyPath.com.

TAGS: career advice, Job Search

Last Sunday’s New York Times carried an article that while not as disturbing as news coverage about Haiti, health care reform and a host of other issues, was disturbing nonetheless. The article, The New Math on Campus, discussed the fact that women outnumber men on America’s college campuses and made the point that although this fact was good news for women with regard to academic achievement, the social implications were less than ideal. According to the article, many young women will do whatever it takes to get a man. Whatever it takes includes “hooking up” for the night and then sending a text, often ignored, offering a reprise. It also means looking the other way when a boyfriend cheats because if she expects fidelity, he’ll disappear.

Wow! What are these women thinking? My conclusion is that they are not thinking at all. If they don’t expect more from a relationship than sex, then that’s all they’ll get. If they are willing to let the men they meet to take advantage of them, then they shouldn’t be surprised when it happens. If they expect respect but don’t respect themselves, it’s not going to happen. I’m a firm believer that anyone, male or female, can “date” (and even marry) if he or she is willing to establish standards that are low enough.

Am I missing something?

TAGS: college, LinkedIn

This won’t cost you anything but a few minutes of your time.  Pepsi is having a contest to award money to the top 10 nonprofit organizations that have registered with their Refresh Project.  Our Bloom Again Foundation (www.bloomagain.org) is currently #12.  If we win, the money will go toward the expenses for the April 29th fundraiser we’ve been talking about. 

Please click on the link below and vote for Bloom Again.  Then forward it to a few friends and ask them to do the same.   We’ll let you know if we win.  Thanks for lending a hand! 

http://www.refresheverything.com/bloomagainfoundation

TAGS: Bloom Again Foundation, Pepsi Refresh Contest

When it comes to money and remarriage, stepfamilies need to find sensitive solutions to avoid stepping on anybody’s financial toes.   

Money has always been a potential source of conflict in marriage and is the number one reason for divorce.  So how do couples divvy up the income and cover the costs when two families with children are combined?  Who gets how much and when?  Who says when too much is being spent on one child and not the other?  You’ll need to mind over this potentially destructive money matter. 

Here are some suggestions on how to make sense out of stretching limited dollars and keep you and your spouse in a better money frame of mind: 

• Set up and focus on the present family budget.
• Be sure both of you are involved in decisions about how family funds are spent.
• Remind one another not to fall victim to buying your children’s affection because you feel guilty about having divorced their other parent.
• Figure out ways of saying “I love you” to your children that are more meaningful than by giving gifts.
• Look for low-cost adventures and events instead of trying find extra money necessary for more traditional activities. 

Some second marriage couples with children choose to set up a “three-pot money system”:  yours, mine, and ours.  

Under this plan, you and your spouse pool resources in one bank account that will pay for joint present family expenses.  Then each of you takes out an agreed-upon amount for discretionary spending.  Since the extras each of you buy for your own children will come from your own individual money pot, guilt spending is easier limited and money needed for your present family remains intact. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: 3-pot money system, second marriages with children, Stepfamilies