FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE
In the January 29th issue of The Week magazine (which I highly recommend for busy people) there was an article that caught my attention about flattery and why it works. Quoting from a Scientific American piece, flattery works because it feeds into the “above-average effect,” the view the few held by most people that they are above average (even though that’s statistically impossible)… If someone tells us we look good, we believe it, even if the flatterer’s motivation is obvious.
Now I’m not suggesting that you give insincere compliments or offer false flattery. That would be just plain smarmy and dishonest. On the other hand… finding something legitimately nice or positive you can say about someone goes a long way in building those strong relationships I’m always harping about. I remember once telling the husband of a friend he looked great in pink Polo shirts — they complemented his white hair and deep blue eyes. For a long time after that he wore a pink shirt every time we got together.
You can call it flattery, positive feedback, compliments or whatever you like but use it to your advantage. Look for the good in and about people and comment on it — not because you’re going to get something back, but because it contributes to warm, mutually rewarding interactions.
TAGS: building relationships, flattery, the above-average effect, The Week magazine
After recovering from some fairly serious medical problems, I saw someone I had not seen in a year or more. She said how I looked like I was glowing and that she had never seen me look so great. I cannot tell you how that has made me feel – instead of someone just healing from great worries and fears that an illness brings, I feel like my most beautiful self, and this permeates my personal life and of course, my business. I feel confidence return and I made several great sales calls right after those encouraging words. Thanks Lois for reminding us all how a few kind words can enliven and encourage our friends and co workers.
Comment by Linda — February 3, 2010 @ 5:09 pm
So glad to hear you’re glowing, Linda!
Comment by Dr. Lois Frankel — February 3, 2010 @ 6:59 pm
I have a “read list” of books that I re-read every year because the messages have been invaluable to me. This month I am re-reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” That is the core of his message: make people feel important and they will love you. Sincere compliments are one of many ways to make a person feel important. My goal is to always remember that and put it into practice.
Comment by Donlyn Jones — February 3, 2010 @ 8:22 pm
Thank you for your comment, Donlyn. It’s similar to Mary Kay Ash’s philoshopy, “Treat everyone as if they’re wearing a sign that reads ‘make me feel important.’” It costs you nothing and cements good relationships.
Comment by Dr. Lois Frankel — February 3, 2010 @ 8:29 pm
I love finding something nice to say to people. I know how good it makes me feel when people say nice things to me, so it makes me happy to brighten someone else’s day. Even if it’s something external, like complimenting the grocery store cashier on her necklace, it makes me happy to see her smile.
Thanks for the articulate reminder on how important this is!
Comment by Kathy H — February 4, 2010 @ 6:38 pm