What Men REALLY Think of Women in the Workplace
I had the opportunity to review a new book about women and men in the workplace and I must say it’s one of the best I’ve read in years: The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace by Shaunti Feldhahn. The author interviewed men to find out what they think about the women with whom they work and is it an eye-opener. For example, they see us as “high maintenance” with emotions that interfere with our ability to think logically.
Before you get defensive, it’s important that you take the time to really consider what men are thinking. If you work in the typical organization, they’re the ones making decisions about your future. Of course it isn’t true that all women are emotional and high maintenance, but if that’s the perception, then that’s what you have to deal with. Perception is reality and the insights provided by Feldhahn are invaluable to women. I urge you to read it and then ask yourself these questions:
- In what ways am I difficult to work with or manage?
- How do I let my emotions eclipse the value I add to my organization?
- What behaviors can I add to my repertoire that will neutralize negative perceptions?
If you don’t know how others perceive you, then it’s time to have your H.R. department or a qualified coach help you to conduct a 360 degree feedback survey. It provides the mirror that allows you to see yourself as others see you — and take action to correct what others see as potential career derailers.
TAGS: men and women in the workplace, perceptions of women in the workplace, Shaunti Feldhahn, The Male Factor
I read this book recently, and thought it was quite good. (I have also benefitted greatly from your books over the years, Lois – thank you!) I have been trying to reconcile some ideas in the book re defensiveness. I am a C-level exec who works closely with an all-male 20+ member board (most of whom have been very good mentors btw). A few have commented that I am sometimes defensive (which Feldhahn cites as f female tendency), but the reaction is almost always triggered by some fairly direct challenges to my expertise (which Feldhahn cites as a male tendency that women could understand better). In reading those chapters more closely, I think she is saying men think they never let their defensiveness show, whereas women are not as good at hiding it. Do you have any further observations on this point?
Comment by Laura — March 10, 2010 @ 1:51 pm
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Laura – my own experience is that women are actually better at not exhibiting defensiveness but rather are more inclined to feel guilt,shame, or acquiesce when criticized or challenged. I believe that when women do counter challenges to their expertise, men are more likely to describe it as defensive, whereas when they do the same thing, they’re perceived as simply being confident and assertive. The most important thing women need to realize is that they can’t use the identical tactics as men without it coming across as “aggressive.” You might want to observe how the men who call you defensive respond to challenges because they may be projecting onto you their own interpretations. If this is the case, your best bet is to mirror their behavior for the best response from them. Otherwise, I suggest that you respond to challenges with inquiry, such as, “Hmmm. Tell me more.” or “Can you give me more insight into why you say this?” You don’t have to agree or disagree with what they’re saying, simply let them know that you’re taking in the feedback for further consideration. You can even say, “Let me give that more thought.” This will mitigate the perception of defensiveness without giving up your position. Make sense?
Comment by Dr. Lois Frankel — March 11, 2010 @ 12:04 pm
Yes – good counsel. Thanks.
Comment by Laura — March 11, 2010 @ 12:09 pm
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