Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently,  John C. Maxwell’s latest book, caught my attention.  As the title suggests,  it isn’t just talent that enables some people to sail effortlessly through their careers, but rather the ability to connect on a meaningful level with others.   He offers the following as signs that you’ve connected:

• People go the extra mile for you.
• They say positive things about you.
• They show that they trust you — often through more open communications.
• They accept you without reservation.

I’ve met people who are great communicators but not great connectors — and vice versa.  I know when I haven’t connected with someone (or someone hasn’t connected with me) because I leave the encounter feeling empty instead of fulfilled or satisfied.  Your goal should be to do both well.  Taking the time to really connect with others is well worth the effort because it pays off in the form of gaining cooperation, the ability to influence, access to information or contacts, and a sense of emotional well-being.  Practice these three simple coaching tips and you’ll be well on your way to connecting:

1. Make your communications all about the other person.  Dale Carnegie once said that you make more friends by listening than by talking . Listening, and hearing what others say and don’t say, is an art you can acquire through practice.  Have two or three stock questions with follow-ups that you ask of anyone you encounter such as,  ”What part of town do you live in?”  “How long have you lived there?”  “What made you choose this neighborhood?”  “Is it compatible with your business and outside interests?”   
2. Go to every meeting, visit, or encounter with something modest to give to the other person.  It can be an article that you read that you think the other person will find interesting or even an idea you heard on the radio that you want to gain input into from the other person’s unique perspective.  When you’ve finished reading a book, give it to someone you know will appreciate it.  Even on a small scale such as this, giving enables you to connect. 
3. Follow-up encounters with a short e-mail about what you took away or thought about.  It allows others to know that they were really heard and understood.  And if you promised to do something, be certain to do it.  Dropping the ball conveys the message that the other person’s needs aren’t really all that important to you. 

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, Communication Skills, John C. Maxwell

As of last week, courtesy of Sarah Palin, before “refute” and “repudiate”, there’s now a new word in the dictionary— “refudiate”. Palin used”refudiate” in a tweet, clearly an error since her original post has since been corrected. What I found interesting what not the fact that Palin made a mistake (she’s done that before) but the way she handled it. When called on her error, she didn’t apologize. Instead, she tweeted in response:

“Refudiate,” “misunderestimate,” “wee-wee’d up.” English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!”

Instead of an “oops, my bad”, Palin’s response implied she found the English language inadequate to express her thoughts, so like Shakespeare, had to create a new word. Read that as, “What mistake? I didn’t make a mistake.” And, just in case we didn’t buy the argument that current language constrained her, Palin’s Plan B was to remind us that even Presidents make word gaffes every now and again (some more often than others).

My first reaction was to think Palin should have quickly admitted she’d made a mistake and then moved on. But, on second thought, perhaps she did the right thing. Perhaps her “deny and distract” strategy is something women should consider more often since career success is not always enhanced by saying, “I’m sorry”.

A recent Time Magazine article noted that research shows women apologize more than men do at work. Deborah Tannen‘s cites studies reaching the same conclusion in Talking From 9 to 5.
Clearly, there are some times when you should admit an error but it’s useful to not to do so as a default behavior. Some guidelines to consider:

• Avoid “ritual” apologies. Tannen points out that women sometimes say, “I’m sorry” as a component of conversation rather than an acceptance of blame. Women sometimes say they’re sorry for things outside their control, for example, “I’m sorry it’s such a miserably hot day.” Ritual apologies can have the effect of putting you in a one-down position in the conversation. Why go there just because it’s a habit?

• Pay attention to the culture in which you’re working and the preferences of those with whom you work. Politicians are notoriously reluctant to admit their transgressions, large or small, no matter how obvious. But you may be working in a company or for a boss that expects people to own up to their quickly admit mistakes — ignoring those cues is dangerous to your career health.

• Distinguish between situations where you’ve done more harm than simply mangling language. If you’ve made a serious mistake or hurt someone, there is no question that you should make sincere amends quickly.

Readers, what do you think? Have you been too apologetic? Have you seen other women fall into this trap?

TAGS: apologizing too much, LinkedIn

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a woman complain that when she raises an idea at a meeting, she’s ignored only to have a man raise the same idea later and have it regarded as “the magnificent one and only solution”, I’d be off on a wonderful vacation. But I just read about an idea generation technique that might help ─ it’s called “brainwriting”.

We know that brainstorming can be helpful when trying to solve a problem ─ yet sometimes brainstorming is less successful than we’d like. For example, as evident from the common experience above, women can be marginalized in traditional brainstorming sessions. Or, one person can dominate the session, making it difficult for others (male or female) to be heard. Or, if the group leader is less than effective, people start to evaluate the ideas shared prematurely which stifles the energy and undermines the process.

Brainwriting is different that brainstorming in that it requires people to write down their ideas rather than to say them aloud:

1. People begin brainwriting by individually writing an idea relevant to the issue down on a piece of paper. Ideally, each person uses a different color pen so that he/she can be identified as the source of the idea ─ or that the absence of a particular color ink will out the person who doesn’t fully contribute.
2. Each person passes his/her paper to the right.
3. People read the idea on the paper they’ve received and add their own idea, perhaps inspired by the idea already on the paper. If they can’t think of anything to add, they can just pass the paper along.
4. When a piece of paper has about four ideas, it is retired to the center of the table. Then the ideas are evaluated according to criteria previously identified.

Dr. Peter Heslin, a professor at the Cox School of Business, Southern Methodist University, whose  2009 article about brainwriting in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology suggests that the discipline of writing the ideas down coupled with the fact that participants are reacting to others’ written ideas may produce more ideas. He also recommends more research to determine whether gender differences present in the brainstorming process may be minimized by brainwriting.

I say it’s worth a try!

TAGS: creativity, group process, LinkedIn, problem-solving

There is a Facebook group called “I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar.” It currently has over 460,000 members.

I am one of them.

Perhaps because I’m the daughter of an English teacher, I believe in the importance of proper spelling and grammar. Employers of recent college grads agree with me. In a 2007 survey, outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas asked executives, “What skill do entry-level job seekers lack the most?” The number one answer by far was written communication.

This means that good writing skills can really help you stand out from the crowd. Good grammar is a competitive advantage. If your writing skills need some improvement, here are 7 quick tips to help you:

1. Lead with your main point. In professional writing, you are communicating in order to accomplish something, so get to the point. For instance, when you’re writing an email, state the purpose of your email in the first paragraph. When you’re writing a cover letter, state the exact job you’re applying for in the first sentence or two. Don’t make people wade through loads of details before they understand why you’re writing in the first place.

2. Be concise. Speaking of getting to the point, do it quickly and then wrap up. We live in a world of multi-taskers, so conciseness is the only way to keep people’s attention (140 characters is quickly becoming our average attention span). When I review resumes, cover letters and networking emails, my first piece of advice to the writer is almost always, “make it shorter.” When you write concise, powerful sentences and paragraphs, people are more likely to pay attention. Long, rambling communications get deleted.

3. Don’t trust spell check. Because you’re a generation that’s grown up with spell check, you tend to rely on it way too much. Spell check doesn’t catch errors like confusing “effect” and “affect” or “there,” “their” and “they’re.” And it never catches misspellings of the names of people, products or companies. When in doubt, have a human being check your work, not a computer.

4. Use proper capitalization and punctuation. my biggest pet peeve when it comes to emails i receive from college students is when everything is in lower case and there is very little punctuation if any at all trust me its not cute its really unprofessional so please dont do it thnx. AND NOTE THAT ALL CAPS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU ARE YELLING.

5. Limit those exclamation points! This is another big pet peeve among the older professionals I meet!! Young people use way too many exclamation points!!!

6. Consult a writing manual. What do you do when you are unsure of a grammar or punctuation usage? If you’re like most people, you shrug your shoulders and say, “Well, hope I got that right!” This is not a wise strategy. Instead, consult a writing website or manual such as The Chicago Manual of Style or the Associated Press Style Guide. Taking a few extra seconds to look up a rule can land you a job or a promotion — it’s more than worth it.

7. Don’t hide behind your keyboard. Finally, don’t write when you should pick up the phone or talk to someone in person. Remember that the written word — especially in the form of an email — doesn’t always correctly convey the tone you intend. And, in situations like giving bad news, quitting a job or criticizing someone’s work, writing is simply a cop-out. Although it’s hard to have difficult conversations in person, you’ll thank yourself for doing the right thing.

What are your best writing tips? Please share!

Note: This blog post originally appeared on my “College to Career” blog on MyPath.com.

TAGS: Communication Skills, Generation Y

An AOL survey* of 4,000 email users in the U.S. taken in 2008 showed that almost half of the respondents admitted they were “hooked” on email. And, they were so addicted that:

• It caused them family problems ─11% admitted secretly peeking at email when their spouse or other family members weren’t looking
• It distracted them in sacred places ─ 15% admitted checking email in church.
• It probably caused them health problems─ nearly 60% fessed up to checking email in the bathroom.

Okay, that was probably too much information!

What to do if you are one of the email abusers?

• Consider the message you are sending when you satisfy your email craving during meetings, family dinners and at other inappropriate moments: “Email is more important to me than being present in this moment.” Or, or a more personal level, “Regardless of what we are doing, I’m open to being engaged by someone else who may be more interesting or important to me than you are.” Is that the message you intend to convey?

• Think about your health. The constant pressure to read and respond to email adds stress to our already stressful lives. I don’t have a study to prove it but trust me, it’s true.

• Realize that you’ll no doubt make a mistake at some point. Consider the post Lois wrote the other day about the misunderstandings that can happen when communicating via email. Now, overlay the danger of surreptitiously sending an email while your significant other isn’t looking! If you don’t make an error in the substance itself, chances are you will make a mistake in the tone.

For all those reasons and others that you can probably add, control your urge to email. Step away from that Blackberry!

*Source: Death by Information Overload, Harvard Business Review, September 2009

TAGS: business communication, email, LinkedIn

The comment below came from Matt regarding my July 23rd post “The Dollars and Sense of Caregiving and Self-Caring” which talked about becoming a parent to your parent(s) and handling their financial needs while trying to keep your own financial goals on track: 

“Great article…very helpful…even for us guys:)  I agree that children need to know their parents’ financial resources, as you say. What’s the best way to start the conversation about it, if your parents are reluctant?” -Matt

The reality is that most everyone’s reluctant to talk about money – so why should our elders be any different? 

Adult children are reluctant to bring up the subject.   “I don’t want my parents to think we’re counting the inheritance before their gone,” 55-year old Olivia, the eldest of four adult children told me.  “We don’t want their money.  We’re all doing OK for ourselves.  We just need to know what preparations they’ve made and how to help their Golden Years be just that.”    

It’s hard to face the fact that our parents, the people who took care of us, are getting old and may now need assistance in decision making and caring for themselves.  Discussing money with aging parents can be difficult.   And when they push back (act reluctant) about the forward progress you’re trying to make on their behalf (show you the money/their financial situation) – what’s an adult kid to do? 

Delaying conversations about their estate planning and retirement isn’t the answer.   Perhaps the best way to get them to show you their money is to show your hand.

I broached the subject with my parents by telling them I was getting all of my important personal papers updated and that I might need some help from them regarding dates, childhood illnesses, family health history and so forth.  I first assured them that I was very healthy, that there were no health issues that were causing me to prepare my will but since I had moved to a new state I wanted to be sure my legal papers were all in order.  They were immediately engaged because they perceived it to be about me and for me.  That was the first of many incremental chats that ultimately became conversations about their health, money and end of life wishes.

In the years leading up to their deaths six years ago at ages 78 and 84, my Mother was willing to keep me up-to-date on all their affairs.  Dad wasn’t.  He was still in charge.  The old soldier, retired Air Force Lt. Colonel that he was, told me he had all the necessary paperwork “signed, sealed and in a three-ring notebook” and that it would be given to me “when the time is right.” 

This plan didn’t give me a sense of well-being but I didn’t want to be confrontational.  I knew that Dad’s “when the time is right” could be when they found themselves in the midst of an illness and that the well-spouse would present me with the binder that would help me help the well-spouse carryout decisions they’d made.  It was Mom who, just a few days after that conversation, without ceremony or much comment – presented me with their three-ring notebook, told me to go make a copy of everything in it and return it before Dad got back from errands. 

Less than a year later, my father had a silent heart attack, was hospitalized and in grave condition.  Three days after Dad, my mother suffered an acute gall bladder attack, had emergency surgery and her previously slight confusion became full blown Alzheimer’s post surgery.  I was emotionally devastated.  Both parents down at the same time.  But at least I had a plan.  Their plan.  I had the contents of their three ring binder which my Mom had “gifted” to me months earlier with all their major decisions and documents.  (I was doubly blessed.  I found Dad’s original binder under lock and key in their small safe.)

Convincing your aging parents to show you their financial papers and documents is a conversation that needs to happen.  And according to MetLife Mature Market Institute’s ”Ten Tips for Talking to Your Aging Parents” (www.metlife.com) – the conversations should begin while your parents are still in good health. 

In addition to Tip #1 which is starting discussions early, MetLife suggests that you:

• Include other family members:  Get all the issues on the table and gather support from siblings and other relatives.
• Explain the purpose of your conversation:  That you want to be able to do the right thing for them as they age.
• Understand your parents’ need to control their own lives:  Remember they have a right to make their own decisions even if, at some point, you may need to balance their independence with their safety.
• Agree to disagree:  Don’t try to bully your way through.  Their wishes should prevail unless their health or safety is in question.
• Use good communication skills:  It’s more effective if you offer options rather than advice.  Express concerns, listen, don’t be afraid of silence, use open-ended questions that foster discussion rather than ones answered with “yes” or “no”.
• Ask about records and documentation:  Know where your parents’ insurance policies, wills, health care proxies, living wills, trust documents, tax returns, and investment and banking records are located.  Start this discussion by asking where they keep their papers and whom you should contact in case they’re incapacitated.
• Provide information:  Be a resource for information for your parents.  They may need information about legal and financial options available to them, so provide materials for them to read and look for opportunities to talk with them about the information.
• Re-evaluate if things aren’t working well:  The best approach is always to be willing to assess why things aren’t going well.  You might need to suggest that your parents talk to a third party – such as a geriatric care manager or financial planner.
• Treat your parents with respect:  While old age can be a rewarding time, it’s also often a time of loss of loved ones, of health, and of independence – so reassure your parents that you will be there for them as they age.

So Matt, I hope these thoughts and the specific information from experts at MetLife will help you figure out how to get a conversation going with your Mom and Dad.  Just know that it will take patience and repeated/ongoing conversations to get them to trust revealing their financial issues to you.  Remember many of our parents are of a generation that considers financial matters – private.  Don’t get frustrated.

 Here’s to your health and wealth.

(MetLife Mature Market Institute is MetLife’s informational and policy resource center on issues related to aging, retirement, long-term care and the mature market and is staffed by gerontologists.  “Ten Tips for Talking to Your Aging Parents” http://www.metlife.com/assets/cao/mmi/publications/consumer/.)

TAGS: aging parents, documents, Elder caregiving, elder financial needs, end of life issues, records

How many meetings have you attended recently where nothing really got resolved?

Last week, I had the pleasure of working with a client whose emphasis on presenting well made a huge difference in the way their message was received. This team was able to keep meeting attendees (from a different department) engaged and get the result they sought ─a commitment on the part of attendees to follow a process they had designed to make future collaboration more effective and efficient. How did they do it?

They prepared well. Specifically, they:

• got buy-in from the department manager regarding adopting the new process ─the challenge was that he doesn’t have much influence so they need to get agreement more broadly and directly from the other department members themselves

• were careful to be clear about the ways meeting attendees would benefit from the “new way” of doing things.

• thought about the best way to communicate the information, deciding that, in their situation, a PowerPoint® deck made the best sense. Note, however, that PowerPoint was not the default ─they selected it after some thought.

• considered how the information should be presented, i.e. the flow.

• determined what questions they could ask to encourage participation

• invited people in a timely manner and sent out reminders a couple of days before the meeting.

• anticipated the concerns people were likely to have and planned ways to respond

• practiced their “parts” (there were three main speakers as well as another speaker on the phone) and timed how long each section took so they were able to adjust as necessary

• agreed among themselves about the process of how they’d work together at the meeting ─ they agreed that “tagging” (adding to or clarifying the speaker’s point) was fine. Sometimes people set different ground rules, for example, other speakers can add or clarify after the main speaker has finished his/her section. This works better if one of the speakers gets distracted if he/she is interrupted.

• ordered water and soft drinks!

The day of the meeting, they went to the meeting room early. They:

• checked the room set-up, re-arranging the tables into a U shaped configuration to make conversation easier.

• adjusted the temperature

• greeted people as they came into the room.

• set the stage by inviting people to ask questions/make comments as they were presenting rather than waiting for a formal Q&A at the end.

• used the questions they had crafted to stimulate participation
• wrote follow-up items on a flipchart

• at the end of the meeting, specifically asked for commitment as well as what else would be helpful to attendees to implement the new process

After the meeting, they:

• debriefed the meeting – what worked well?  what would they do differently next time?
• decided who was going to follow up on what and by when

The meeting was a big success ─ but, as you can see, it didn’t just happen. There were no little meeting elves making the magic happen ─just careful planning and relentless attention to detail.

What things have you found helpful to make your presentations more powerful and your meetings meaningful?

TAGS: LinkedIn, meetings, Presentation Skills

Dad’s gone.  Mom’s frail.  How do you take care of her now while trying to keep your own financial goals on track?   

We’re called “The Sandwich Generation” – adult children usually 35 to 64 years of age, who are physically and often financially caring for elderly parents – while still caring for and financially supporting our own children.  I did it for three years – long distance – before my parents died six years ago.  They’d married at 17 and 21, lived 61 years together and died 6 months apart almost to the day.

Many parents are living longer these days and we’re grateful but that often means they’re outliving their savings.  While it’s not easy to become elderly – it’s also not easy to become a parent to your parents – and handle their financial needs as well as your own.  

At some point in our lives, nearly all of us will become a family caregiver.  More than 25% of the U.S. households are involved in some way with elder/parent care. 30 to 40% of workers will assist elderly parents in the year 2020 compared with 12% today. 

A third to one-half of elder caregivers are also employed outside the home and sacrifice job performance, lower productivity, career opportunities and therefore lower future earnings.  Distracted workers aren’t productive workers.  Work disruptions due to employee eldercare giving responsibilities result in productivity losses of more than $1100 a year per employee. Eventually, 12% quit their jobs to provide elder care full-time.  Be sure to ask if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program which helps you find related elder care services, geriatric case managers and so forth. 

Money is always a sensitive subject.  But good things happen when families discuss money in an open, non-judgmental way and make a plan.  

What can an adult child care giver do for their elderly parent(s)?

• Protect their assets with a durable power of attorney.  It’s the best way to handle finances in the event they become unable to and it’s in effect from the time of signing until death.
• Make sure they have a medical healthcare power of attorney – a living will – so you can make decisions for them in case they can’t because health related needs can be hugely expensive.
• Do you have copies of their important documents or know where they’re located – specifically bank accounts, investment holdings, insurance policy numbers, company names, estate planning documents and professional financial advisors?
• If your parents don’t have long term care insurance – how and where will they be cared for and who will pay the bill?
• Will they qualify for government Medicaid? You’ll need to meet with an eldercare attorney on their behalf so you know their eldercare options and costs and who will be responsible for them – because it could be you, the government or a combination.

 Adult children need to know their parents’ financial resources in order to make good decisions on their behalf – thoughtfully, effectively and cooperatively while staying aware of, and not derailing their own financial future needs. 

 Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: durable power of attorney, Elder caregiving, employee assistance programs, financial documents, long term care insurance, medicaid, medical healthcare power of attorney, sandwich generation, workforce and eldercare costs

In my May 28th blog (http://thethinpinkline.com/209/05/28/allowance), I wrote about kids and allowances.  I’m a firm believer that giving an allowance is a good thing and helps parents guide their children onto the road to financial responsibility.

I received a comment and a great question from Jessica, the mother of two small children:  “I have very young children, 2-1/2 and 4-1/2, who adore candy machines and constantly want quarters from us.  So I devised a simple system of “jobs” they do daily and we mark completed on our “job board”.  After a week of completed jobs, they receive 2 quarters, and usually spend both as soon as they leave the house.  Their jobs include household chores like clearing the table, putting away their toys, and feeding the dog.  I’ve also included some social skills like sharing and saying please.  And this gives us a chance to work on personal developments like getting dressed by themselves and brushing their teeth.  So far, it’s been very successful!  They are motivated every day to check things off their job board and look forward to earning their quarters.  However, I’ve been thinking about introducing the idea of saving — maybe they put one quarter in a bank and can spend the other quarter.  Do you think I should “encourage” or “require” saving?  I have to admit their father and I are not good savers and I would love for the boys to learn better habits.  I’m just afraid they are still too young for it to be effective.”

I thoroughly agree with what Jessica is doing with her two little ones and think her method is solid.  But want to again acknowledge that money specialists are divided about whether allowances should be tied to chores.  Some (like me) think it’s important that children see the value of work to earn money.  Others think chores should always be done as part of the family needs – separate from the allowance.  And then there are those who advocate putting a value on specific chores.

As for the idea of introducing savings – my answer to you, Jessica, is – absolutely!  I believe that savings should be required.  I believe that the concept of savings is mandatory otherwise your children will only know that what they “earn” can be spent as you indicated:  “They receive 2 quarters, and usually spend both as soon as they leave the house.”

I’m furthermore very impressed by your honesty regarding:  “I have to admit their father and I are not good savers.”  Not many adults would admit to that, Jessica.  That admission is really key because children learn their money habits (as they do other habits) by watching and imitating their parents.  Although your children are very young now, they will tend to carry the money messages they learn at this early age – with them into adulthood.  So, no, they’re not too young for the message of saving money to be taught right now.  Here’s how:

Give both of them three clear plastic or non-breakable glass jars and help them label them savings, sharing and spending.  Then explain that you are giving them a raise of ten more pennies to 60-cents a week.  Tell them what a raise means:  “Mommy and Daddy think you’ve both been doing such a ‘good job’ with your jobs - that we’re giving you a few more coins every week.”  Jessica, this suggestion of a raise is really just so they can potentially and more easily see and give equal 20-cent amounts to each of their jars.  Then talk to them about:

• Savings.  “It took Daddy and me a whole year to save for xx.”  Show them a calendar, turn the pages of the twelve months that make up a year being sure to mention special things that happen during that period of time – birthdays, special holidays and so forth – to give them an idea of how long it takes to save money.
• Sharing.  “The money in this jar is what you use to help other people who are having a hard time right now get something they really need.“  This gives you the opportunity to begin and continue conversations about the difference between wants and needs.  I told my grandchildren that if they want something, they will need to pay for it from their piggy bank but if they need something – which means something that I agree with them is important – I will help them pay for it or even buy it for them.
• Spending.  “You get to buy whatever you want with your money – if you have enough.”  This allows you to explain the value of items that they have just been used to getting and introduce the choice NOT to spend anything sometimes – which takes you back to another conversation about choosing to save and another opportunity to show by example why always saving some money is very important.

Thanks for your comment, Jessica.  I hope these suggestions work and that you and your husband will show the children – by your example – that saving money is now absolutely part of your family’s plan.  Among money specialists, we refer to this concept of consistently saving as paying yourself first meaning you always put away a portion (however modest) of any money you earn or get – into savings or retirement (and into both if you can).

Here’s to your health and wealth!

TAGS: Allowances, children and money, saving money

If you think it’s tough walking the thin pink line as a Caucasian woman in the workplace, try being a woman of color from another country!   Consider this letter that I recently received:

I am a 27 year old ambitious Indian woman.  I moved to the US about a year ago to work as a software engineer at IBM.  The problem I have is with speaking up in groups and team meetings.  Most of the time I cannot understand the context – such as when a television program or game show is being discussed.  But that is not the entire reason.  Can you help me to come out of this situation in a better way?

Yes I can help — and some of these tips will apply (with a little tweaking) to any woman who feels like an outsider at meetings due to cultural, gender, and other reasons.

• Take responsibility for your own behavior.  I’m glad that you recognize your discomfort is not entirely about not understanding context.  Although that is certainly part of it, there are also issues of assertiveness, risk-taking, friendliness, and the willingness to go out of your comfort zone that come into play here.  Identify 2 – 3 behaviors that you are not currently exhibiting that must become part of your repertoire if you are to be viewed as adding value to any gathering — social or business. Then focus on developing the related skills.  Two organizations that I highly recommend that can be of help here are Toastmasters and Dale Carnegie.  I’m sure your company even has its own Toastmasters chapter.
• Learn about “pop culture.”  Unfortunately, Americans are among the most ethnocentric people I’ve known.  This puts the onus of responsibility on you to learn as much as you can about the American culture and acclimate as quickly as possible.  Watching television, reading national magazines and newspapers, and blogging  are good ways to get an overview of popular culture.  It also provides you with some fodder for discussion.  This tip is similar to the one I give to women to read the sports section of the paper every Sunday.  At least you’ll be able to join the Monday Morning Quarterbacks!
• Increase your tolerance for risk by asking a few, what you may consider to be, “foolish” questions.  I’m certain that people will be delighted to help educate you once you show an interest in their topic — regardless of how serious or frivolous it may be.
• Extend invitations to others to join you for Indian cultural or religious events.  I fondly remember when a Cuban co-worker invited me to her home for dinner with her elderly mother who spoke no English but cooked a mean pot of frijoles negros (black beans).  It brought our relationship to a deeper level.
• Practice my rule for speaking early and often:  be among the first two or three people to speak up at any meeting and have your voice heard in 10  – 12 minutes intervals.  You can do this by asking a question, affirming what someone else has said, offering an opinion, or elaborating on an idea.  If you don’t speak up, people eventually won’t expect anything from you and you’ll become invisible — the kiss of death in a big company such as yours. 
• Don’t work through every lunch hour – periodically ask people to join you and use it as an opportunity to get to know them on a personal level.  Similarly, use doorway or hallway conversations for small talk.  So much of fitting in is about likeability and the more interest you show in others, the more likeable you’ll be. 
• Join company affinity programs.  On Wednesday I talked about women’s affinity programs, but there are also ones for other diverse groups in the workplace.  I’m almost certain your company has one that would be appropriate for you.

Being someone who is “different” from the majority in any group does present challenges.   The key is to develop a game plan for meeting those challenges and follow it consistently.

TAGS: bridging cultures, Communication Skills, Cultural diversity, Dale Carnegie, Toastmasters