Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that Joan Rivers has shown amazing staying power in the fickle world of show business. I was never a fan or Rivers or her comedy, but the new documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work got such good reviews that I thought I’d check it out.

I’m glad I did. The film was fascinating, funny and offered major insight into what it takes to survive for 50-plus years in Hollywood — one of the toughest career paths there is. Here are some of my takeaways:

Persevere, persevere, persevere. From tremendous career highs (substituting regularly for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show) to devastating lows (being blackballed by Carson when she left to host her own show, which ultimately failed), Rivers never, ever, ever, ever, ever gives up. I’m not sure many of us could handle the many rejections, public humiliations and personal and professional traumas Rivers has endured, but every time she faces a challenge she dusts herself off and gets right back to work.

Do what you love. Perhaps perseverance is easier when you love what you do for a living. According to Rivers, she knew her entire life that she wanted to be in show business, even describing it as a “calling.” While Rivers’ passion borders on compulsion, I was still inspired by her absolute love of performing, the deep effort she puts into it day after day and the sheer joy she feels on stage.

Read the rest of this post on my “College to Career” blog at MyPath.com…

TAGS: career advice, Joan Rivers, Movies

No, not that Eleanor Roosevelt but her namesake — my dog Ellie.  You may recall in January I introduced you to her soon after we rescued her from a shelter.  At that time I wrote a blog about “getting” what it means to be a good Mom.  In the interim, Ellie has blossomed into a secure little dog with a wonderful personality that emerged once she felt safe enough to be herself.  Isn’t that true for us all?  Today as I was about to start my blog I looked at Ellie and realized how much she’s teaching me these days — lessons from which we can all benefit. 

• Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Ellie was the most pathetic little dog when we first went to see her.  You had to see beyond the kennel cough, the straggly hair, and the cowering to what she could be, rather than what she was.  Couldn’t we all do this more often with people about whom we make assumptions without first giving them a chance? 
• Take time to smell the roses.  Sometimes when I’m walking Ellie I just want her to follow the program, do the walk and get back to whatever I was doing.  But she’s a stubborn one.  When she wants to sniff the grass or wait a minute to feel the breeze in her face she just stops — and I stop with her, reminded that a few extra minutes to enjoy nature is important. 
• Exercise.  Every morning when Ellie wakes up and after a little afternoon snooze she stretches.  It almost looks like she’s doing Pilates.  What a great reminder to get up from behind the desk and do a little stretching myself.
• Be vigilant.  Ellie sleeps in a little bed next to ours.  When I’m about to up get she somehow senses it and jumps out of her own bed.  When I push the keyboard in after finishing up whatever I was working on she runs over, knowing that now I’ll play with her.  And when I get up from the couch to head to bed she knows the day is done and she paddles to bed without prompting.  I wish everyone I know was as vigilant and took cues about what to do and when to do it. 
• Be patient.  I live in a neighborhood with pretty friendly people who stop and talk while I’m out walking Ellie.  She just waits patiently at my side without pulling or whining.  When the conversation is over she’s happy to be on her way to the next sniffing adventure. 
• Show people you love them.  There’s nothing better than coming home from the office and Ellie greets me at the door with what we call her “heroes dance.”  She just dances and dances, so happy to have me home.  Then again, she does it when I just go to the mailbox too.  Now if I could only get my partner to do the same life would be nearly perfect. 

TAGS: lessons learned from dogs, life lessons

As important to career success as talent, skill or experience is self confidence. Not cockiness but rather appropriate self assurance that you will be successful at whatever the immediate task at hand is. And success at challenge after challenge begets success on a larger scale.

But it all starts with your belief in yourself.

An episode of 30 Rock (an NBC comedy) titled “Retreat to Move Forward“ is illustrative. Jack Donaghy (played by Alec Baldwin) is scheduled to deliver a keynote talk at a meeting important to him and is, understandably, nervous. So Jack stands in front of a mirror and gives himself a pep talk. He says things like, “You tiger you! You’ll be fantastic. You’ll knock dead.” Liz Lemon (played by Tina Fey) walks by and catches Jack in the act of his self talk. Does Liz laugh? Does she tease Jack? No ─ she empathizes saying, “Oh, I do the same thing. I talk to myself in the mirror too.” Flash to Liz’s pep talk ─ she’s talking to herself  because she’s going out on a date.  But she’s saying things  like, “You look awful. Your hair is a disaster…” You get the idea.

Funny with an important lesson embedded ─ you have to get out of your own way.

Some things you can do to build your confidence in yourself:

• Take a deep breath. This works both physically and emotionally.

• Keep a journal of your accomplishments. Refer to it often.

• Create an email folder to store compliments you receive from clients and colleagues. See #2 above.

• Ask for feedback. Not too often and when the person you’re asking has time to provide it. Make it easy for the other person to give you information about what you did that worked as well as ways you can improve by asking, “What did I do that you think was effective? The reason I’m asking is that I want to be sure to do it again next time.”

Back to Jack and Liz ─ I’m left wondering about the fact that for Jack, it’s a career enhancing opportunity which prompts his anxiety whereas for Liz, it’s a personal situation. I’m hoping that the writers took the show in that direction because Liz Lemon knows how very good she is at her job and not that they are unconsciously feeding into a Thin Pink Line stereotype that women spend more time worrying about their relationships than their careers! What do you say, Tina Fey?

TAGS: 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin, pep talk, self-confidence, Tin Fey

This arrived in my in-box indicating it was an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Procter and Gamble regarding their feminine products.  She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. Whether it’s real or a hoax it’s something to which I know many Thin Pink Line bloggers will relate. 

 Dear Mr. Thatcher,

 I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxipads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.  But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.  Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’    Are you f—— kidding me?

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’,

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullcrap.

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says… ‘Oh crap….she’s awake!!’

TAGS: Procter Gamble, women's hygiene

Not too long ago I spoke at an event where Cherie Blair, wife of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, was the luncheon keynoter.  When I was introduced to her I wasn’t really sure what to say so I asked the usual, “How are you enjoying the United States?”  Without missing a beat she said, “I love the United States but I don’t love the fact that the airline lost my luggage with all my little bottles of make-up and lotions.”  We chatted about this for a moment and she was about to be whisked away when I asked, “One last question.  What do you think of the portrayal of your husband in the movie The Queen?”  Again, quick on the draw, she said, “He’s actually so much better looking than the actor who portrayed him.  Don’t you think?”  Everyone standing around laughed and she was off.

It made me realize the importance of humor in our lives — both at home and at work.  I spent the first three and a half decades of my life as a pretty serious and somber woman.  It wasn’t that I didn’t like to have a good time, because I definitely did.  But in my 40s I had dinner with two clients who unknowingly changed my life.  The two of them knew each other for years and together they were simply hysterical.   I did not stop laughing the entire evening.  The next day it struck me that I didn’t have any friends who played off one another like this or who made me laugh as hard.  I realized I never laughed out loud at a movie or television show.  I would never choose to go to a comedy movie – give me an angst-filled drama any day.  And I was rarely “silly.”  As crazy as it may sound, I enjoyed laughing with these clients so much that I consciously worked on lightening up.  And what I found was when I did (lighten up) everything flowed so much easier and more fluidly.  Life was just more fun. 

The caveat, of course, is that you have to know when and how to use humor.  Overused it can become an annoyance.  So here are a few tips for how you can lighten up:

1.  Find opportunities to laugh at yourself… out loud.  Nothing will humanize you faster than laughing at yourself when you make a small faux pas.  An egregious, costly mistake probably isn’t the time, but when you mistakenly add a tablespoon of salt to the soup instead of a pinch – even if the boss or your mother-in-law is coming for dinner – that’s the time. 

2.  Find your funny bone.   There are certain comedians and comedy shows that always make me laugh, and others that I think are sophomoric.  For me, laughing out loud requires clever writing, not slap stick goofiness.  Once you find your funny bone, feed it regularly.

3.  Let go of the need for perfection.  It’s just about impossible to lighten up when you’re focused on being perfect or having everything perfect.  That’s waaaaaay to stressful.   Lightening up isn’t only about laughing, it’s about being able to smile even when nothing particularly funny is happening in the moment. 

4.  Dance yourself silly.  Last year a number of friends in my age bracket and I attended the wedding of a young woman we all knew and loved.  As the evening wore on we danced more and more… and then some more.  The following week when my friend Susan and I debriefed the experience (you can tell we’re therapists, can’t you?), we agreed we need more dancing in our lives.  It’s a unique form of lightening up.  Maybe that’s why I liked Mamma Mia so much.

5.  Surround yourself with upbeat, rather than downbeat, friends.  Once I started focusing more on lightening up I realized most of my friends, like me, were pretty serious folks.  My choice in new friends actually shifted toward lighter-hearted, yet good-hearted, people. 

TAGS: Cherie Blair, Humor, laughter, lightening up

… work for the government.  Humor me.  I just gotta vent here.  I’m walking into my office this morning and notice the office next to ours, which is occupied by the City of Pasadena, is ornately decorated for Halloween.  And this is just the beginning.  Like in past years, I’m sure it will be similarly decorated for Thanksgiving and Christmas (not so sure about Channukah and Kwaanza).  My first thought was our office looks pretty barren in comparison then my second thought was of course — whaddya expect — they work for the government.  My tax dollars are paying them to take the time to decorate for Halloween!  Keep in mind this is the same office that lost my annual renewal for overnight street parking.

Then I get settled at my desk and realize that the third call I placed in two weeks to a Federal judge in Missouri to discuss a proposal I sent to him on August 28th (to which I had no response) was never returned.  So I call again and his law clerk tells me he received both the proposal and the messages.  Again, I pay his salary and I’m ignored? 

Look at our elected officials.  We send them to Washington, pay their salaries, and they can’t play nicely together in the sandbox to make decisions that impact the public’s welfare.  AND, even when no decisions are made, they leave on hiatus.  I am definitely in the wrong business.

A man in his mid-40s wrote to me not too long ago asking if I thought he should switch jobs.  He said he worked his entire career for the government (didn’t tell me which division or agency) and wasn’t entirely fulfilled nor did he feel he was paid adequately.  He did, however, feel he had a good quality of life and got to spend as much time as he wanted with his family.  A friend of his who worked for a private company said he could help him get a job working with him at a much higher salary, but that he should expect to work long hours and have a longer commute.  The man wanted to know if he should make the move. 

What I wanted to tell him was to stay right where he was.  If he worked for the government for 20+ years and had a good quality of life, cushy (although not personally or financially rewarding) job, and fairly good job security (as far as that goes these days) he was most likely not going to be happy in the private sector where you’re actually held accountable for achieving your goals.  What I did tell him was that he had to weigh the relative importance of professional fulfillment and financial gain over lifestyle issues.  The fact is, you can find fulfillment outside of work and if you see work as the means to the end, not the end, then a “tolerable” job that doesn’t squash your self-esteem or dignity may just work for you. 

Ahhh.  I feel better.  Thanks for listening.  Now I know there’s a flip side to this story.  Anyone care to disabuse me of my ill-conceived notions?

TAGS: government benefits, private vs. public sector jobs, working for the government

I have to admit it.  I’m a Scrabbleholic.  I crave words.  I take my handheld game with me everywhere.  Long waits in doctor’s offices are made more tolerable when I try to beat my best score.  Television commercials are wasted on me as I pick up my handheld and get in a game between shows. I play while waiting for the car at the car wash.  But I’ve come to realize it’s not such a bad thing.  Scrabble can teach you just about everything you need to know to be successful in life and work.  If you think I’m kidding, consider these valuable lessons:

1.  Look to your opponent to teach you something that might one day come in handy.   When that pesky little computer opponent comes up with a word like qoph (a Hebrew letter) or jato (a takeoff aided by jet propulsion) I am compelled to immediately look it up to learn its meaning.  Then, at the perfect opportunity, I turn the tables and use one of those words to win the game. 

2.  When you’re winning, take more risks.  If I’m ahead by 100 or 150 points, that’s the time when I lay down a word that may or may not be in the official Scrabble dictionary or use spaces dangerously close to the coveted triple word score hoping it will still be available on my next turn. You’d be surprised at how many letters you can string together that form real words that you may have never heard of – like orra (an adjective meaning occasional) or yare (nimble).

3.  Don’t get stuck in analysis paralysis.  Sometimes I’ll be staring at my letters, searching for just one word that will allow me to use them all, empty my electronic tray, and reward me with those 50 extra points.  But nothing appears.  Then I start putting letters on the board, shifting them around, playing with words like they were putty in my hands and suddenly they form a word I couldn’t see before I took such bold action.  It’s a reminder that sometimes you just have to make a move that gets you out of your head and into the game.   

4.  Plan ahead and think strategically.  The nights when I’m dog-tired and play the game as an excuse to not have to think much more for the day, are the same times when I’m doomed to mediocrity.  I may win a game here or there, but I don’t reach my personal best.  As in life, in Scrabble you can’t just act for the moment and expect to get ahead in the long-term.  You’ve always got to be thinking about your next move and sometimes the one after that. 

5.  Take the small wins.  Not every move you make is going to allow you to win the jackpot. As much as I loathe having to hit the “done” button knowing a word that will bring me less than 20 points, I also know every point makes a difference. The trick is to pocket the big wins, prepare for the small ones, and at times be grateful you could make any word at all.  You win some, you lose some, but you suit up for them all.

TAGS: playing the game, Scrabble, strategies for success

A friend sent me this card and I just had to share it with you.  It’s by Shannon Martin/Girl Designer.  If you’re not at least a little tired from making waves, it means you’re floating too much (if you catch my drift).  Make a difference – go out and make some waves today.   

TAGS: making a difference, making waves, Shannon Martin Girl Designer

All the bad economic news prompted me to write a column for MSN called “Is your money making you crazy?” I culled suggestions from therapists and financial planners about how to deal with the anxiety caused by volatile markets, a rapidly decelerating economy and plunging home prices.

Psychiatrist James Gottfurcht talked about the importance of snapping the physiological feedback loop that can make anxieties and tension worse. One of his suggestions: have a good laugh.

So along with taking a multivitamin, exercising daily and getting enough sleep (other ways to combat stress), I try to get in at least one good belly laugh a day. My secret weapon: podcasts of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me,” the NPR news quiz. At least once a show, someone pops off a one-liner that brings me to my knees (sometimes almost literally–I can’t count the times a “Wait Wait” wisecrack has nearly caused me to fall off the elliptical trainer at my gym).

Laughter may not technically be the best medicine, but it’s a great weapon to have in your arsenal as we get through these interesting times.

TAGS: coping skills, Economy, recession

Someone liked my pony story so much that she asked me to share the pig story that I wrote about in See Jane Lead.  This was a story a friend told me when I was upset about losing a rather large contract and had no idea why.  In a barnyard filled with animals the crow challenges the blue bird to a singing contest.  The blue bird figured it would be a pretty easy win.  After all, there’s no comparison in how the two birds sing.  Together, the crow and the blue bird decide the pig will be the judge of the contest.  The blue bird goes first and magnificently sings her little heart out.  All of the other barnyard animals smile, nod and applaud at the conclusion of her song.  Then the crow sings — in the screeching way that crows do — and the barnyard is silent.  Finally, the pig steps forward and breaks the silence.  “And the winner of the contest is… the crow!”  With this the blue bird begins to sob and many of the other animals surround her reassuring her that she sang so much better than the crow and should have won the contest.  When she finally composed herself enough to speak, the blue bird says, “I’m not crying because I lost the contest.  I’m crying because I let myself be judged by a pig.” 

TAGS: self-esteem