Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that Joan Rivers has shown amazing staying power in the fickle world of show business. I was never a fan or Rivers or her comedy, but the new documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work got such good reviews that I thought I’d check it out.

I’m glad I did. The film was fascinating, funny and offered major insight into what it takes to survive for 50-plus years in Hollywood — one of the toughest career paths there is. Here are some of my takeaways:

Persevere, persevere, persevere. From tremendous career highs (substituting regularly for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show) to devastating lows (being blackballed by Carson when she left to host her own show, which ultimately failed), Rivers never, ever, ever, ever, ever gives up. I’m not sure many of us could handle the many rejections, public humiliations and personal and professional traumas Rivers has endured, but every time she faces a challenge she dusts herself off and gets right back to work.

Do what you love. Perhaps perseverance is easier when you love what you do for a living. According to Rivers, she knew her entire life that she wanted to be in show business, even describing it as a “calling.” While Rivers’ passion borders on compulsion, I was still inspired by her absolute love of performing, the deep effort she puts into it day after day and the sheer joy she feels on stage.

Read the rest of this post on my “College to Career” blog at MyPath.com…

TAGS: career advice, Joan Rivers, Movies

I gave a keynote talk last week at the Women Advisors Forum in Chicago. Despite travel delays and lost luggage, I was fortunate enough to arrive in time for the final panel, Women Redefining Contemporary Philanthropy.

It was wonderful to learn that notwithstanding the economy, the number of not-for-profits being created in the U.S. has trended up in the last couple of years. This must be the silver lining to the recession cloud! Given that the percentage of wealth women control is also increasing, it seems to me that we have a wonderful opportunity to make a difference, both collectively and individually.

Giving is an intensely personal decision. To which charity? Should you give time or money or both? If you plan to give money, how much? Should you give it while you are alive or as a bequest? Check the organizations you are considering donating to carefully to be sure they are legitimate and seek advice from experts you trust as needed. As an aside, if you are seeking a worthy cause, check out the Bloom Again Foundation, founded by thethinpinkline’s very own Dr. Lois Frankel.

At the end of the day (a cliché that fits perfectly in this context), what matters is not how much you give but that you gave.

Readers, tell us about the causes you care about.

TAGS: charity, philanthropy

I recently met Deborah Hutchison, founder of Gutsy Gals Inspire Me:  Drive Your Destiny.   She defines a “gutsy gal” as:

noun.  1. relating to or derived from “lionhearted lady.”  2. denoting one female who ignores barriers and setbacks.  3.  characterized by a strong desire to believe in herself and drive her destiny.  4.  Indicating one who embraces imperfections and learns from mistakes. 

I’d suggest it also includes women who walk the thin pink line with courage and confidence.   We can all use a reminder to be a little more gutsy.  Order your “gutsy gal” cap on-line at the gutsy gals store – and while you’re there sign-up for the gutsy gals newsletter.

TAGS: Gutsy Gals, Women's Caps

Bette Midler sang it best. And we know it’s true. Lots of research shows that not only is friendship emotionally rewarding but good for physical health as well. And I’ve been thinking about friendship these last few days for a couple of reasons.

The first is that I received flowers on Friday from a friend who sent them to celebrate good news I’d recently received. She’d already been very supportive of me throughout the experience ─ caring but not intrusive ─ so to receive this gorgeous arrangement on top of that caused me to tear up. It’s hard to describe how blessed I felt to be the recipient of that sort of kindness.

The second is a tea I attended over the weekend for a friend’s fortieth birthday. Given by three of her friends (and her mom), it was just lovely. Her friends from college (one flew to the East Coast from California to attend!), from work, from her M.B.A. degree days as well as those she’d met while volunteering her time were all there. We were only too pleased to try to reciprocate for the many wonderful things she’s done to build and maintain friendships with each of us.

What was the lesson for me? That you should always be open to allowing more friends into your life and your heart. Sadly, I very well might have missed friendships with these wonderful women. Why? Because one was a client and I believed that one should always keep a professional distance from clients. The other? I might have considered her a professional competitor rather than a potential friend had she not reached out to me. Happily, each of these friends taught me a lesson best summed up by American writer, Sarah Orne Jewett (The Country of the Pointed Firs , 1896):

“Yes’m, old friends is always best,’less you can catch a new one that’s fit to make an old one out of.”

TAGS: Friendships, Girlfriends, LinkedIn

No, not that Eleanor Roosevelt but her namesake — my dog Ellie.  You may recall in January I introduced you to her soon after we rescued her from a shelter.  At that time I wrote a blog about “getting” what it means to be a good Mom.  In the interim, Ellie has blossomed into a secure little dog with a wonderful personality that emerged once she felt safe enough to be herself.  Isn’t that true for us all?  Today as I was about to start my blog I looked at Ellie and realized how much she’s teaching me these days — lessons from which we can all benefit. 

• Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Ellie was the most pathetic little dog when we first went to see her.  You had to see beyond the kennel cough, the straggly hair, and the cowering to what she could be, rather than what she was.  Couldn’t we all do this more often with people about whom we make assumptions without first giving them a chance? 
• Take time to smell the roses.  Sometimes when I’m walking Ellie I just want her to follow the program, do the walk and get back to whatever I was doing.  But she’s a stubborn one.  When she wants to sniff the grass or wait a minute to feel the breeze in her face she just stops — and I stop with her, reminded that a few extra minutes to enjoy nature is important. 
• Exercise.  Every morning when Ellie wakes up and after a little afternoon snooze she stretches.  It almost looks like she’s doing Pilates.  What a great reminder to get up from behind the desk and do a little stretching myself.
• Be vigilant.  Ellie sleeps in a little bed next to ours.  When I’m about to up get she somehow senses it and jumps out of her own bed.  When I push the keyboard in after finishing up whatever I was working on she runs over, knowing that now I’ll play with her.  And when I get up from the couch to head to bed she knows the day is done and she paddles to bed without prompting.  I wish everyone I know was as vigilant and took cues about what to do and when to do it. 
• Be patient.  I live in a neighborhood with pretty friendly people who stop and talk while I’m out walking Ellie.  She just waits patiently at my side without pulling or whining.  When the conversation is over she’s happy to be on her way to the next sniffing adventure. 
• Show people you love them.  There’s nothing better than coming home from the office and Ellie greets me at the door with what we call her “heroes dance.”  She just dances and dances, so happy to have me home.  Then again, she does it when I just go to the mailbox too.  Now if I could only get my partner to do the same life would be nearly perfect. 

TAGS: lessons learned from dogs, life lessons

A long time ago (before email so a very long time ago), I worked with a woman who was a terrific mentor, leader and coach. One of the things she did consistently was to keep track of days when I had an important client meeting and take the time to leave an encouraging voicemail message to let me know she was thinking of me. She’d personalize the message by pointing out specific reasons that she knew I’d be successful. I can tell you those messages made all the difference to me ─ I walked into many tough meetings feeling self-confident and prepared because Jan had left me a message.

I try to do the same for others now. When someone mentions an upcoming date important to them for some reason, I put it on my calendar and set a reminder for the day before. When the time is right, I leave a voicemail or send an email letting them know that I’m thinking about them. I’ve taken Jan’s lesson one step further and applied it to family and friends as well as colleagues. But as I write that I realize she probably did that too!

More recently, a woman with whom I’m working in a mentoring program for college seniors mentioned that she noted the date her mentee was taking the LSAT and sent him an email the night before to wish him well.  The other mentors thought that was a terrific idea and now it’s been incorporated into the program as a best practice.

Something easy to do that means a lot. Who’d appreciate knowing you are rooting for them?

TAGS: Coaching, encouraging others, friendship, LinkedIn, mentoring

That’s me!

I was born on December 25 (the year is not relevant!) at 10:30 PM so my mother called me, ‘Carol”.  She has a wonderful sense of humor.  Perhaps because I am a Christmas Carol, I particularly love Christmas. Clearly, not all Thin Pink Line Readers celebrate this particular holiday but I’m sure everyone has a special holiday they do celebrate.

Here’s what I love about my favorite holiday:

• Buying gifts
  As much as I obsess about what to buy, and complain about the crowds in the stores (although this year, I’m not complaining much ─ I’m happy to see people out buying to help the economy) I love the opportunity to please people with a tangible expression of my feeling. Trite but true, the giver often receives more pleasure than the donor.

• Holiday cards
  While one could certainly argue that staying in touch with people only through the rather tenuous exchange of greeting cards isn’t much of a relationship, it still makes me happy to send and receive greeting cards ─ even the ones with the long and often tedious brag letters.

• Getting together with friends and family
  Whether it’s a large party or dinner for just the immediate family, I love the opportunity/obligation to see people. It’s just too easy to let time slip away without making the time to meet face-to-face; holidays force us to get it done.

The most frequently asked question I get when people learn of my special “Christmas Carol” status is, ‘Don’t you lose out?”.   There were years when, as a child, I thought I did because I was never able to have a birthday party on my actual birthday.  Now I’d say that I’m very fortunate ─ mine is the birthday that few forget. I’m amazed that at such a busy time of year some people actually buy a special, “For your Christmas Birthday” card separate card just for me!

Whatever you celebrate,  know that you have my heartfelt best wishes!

TAGS: holidays, LinkedIn

From June Cleaver to Hillary Clinton, Gail Collins‘ new book, When Everything Changed, reminds us of both how much everything has changed for American women in the last 50 years ─ and just how little. Collins writes skillfully about the “olden” days when a glamour career for a woman was to be a stewardess and when the reason most women went to college to get a “Mrs.”.

As accessible as she is on the Op-Ed page of the New York Times, and as wryly funny, Collins illustrates the historical facts with the stories of real women including those whose names we all know (Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama) as well as those we would probably not know unless we read her book.

What Collins does particularly well though is to highlight that there still isn’t gender parity in America’s workplaces or homes. She ends on a note that celebrates how far we’ve come with a reality check – the gender pay gap still exists, too few women serve as CEOs or sit on corporate boards and the work-life balance conundrum has yet to be resolved.

When Everything Changed is an inspiring book.  If we have forgotten the sacrifices and struggles of women who blazed the trail and take the fact that they changed the world, we should be reminded.  And even if we haven’t, Collins shows us that we have miles to go before we sleep.

Let’s get busy!

And please, after you’ve read When Everything Changed, comment here about what you will do differently as a result.

TAGS: Gail Collins, LinkedIn

Many years ago, a much cherished friend gave me the nickname “Valuable”.  It was her way of respecting my Mom’s wish that my given name of Valerie not be shortened (though Val is quite fine with me) – while simultaneously delighting her by creating such a complimentary substitution. 

This same friend is the one who showed me by her example - this most valuable life lesson:  once we have the freedom to re-invent ourselves, it opens up a buffet of choices. 

Her menu has always been varied.  She has successfully and deliberately re-invented what she chooses to do with her time but more importantly, re-evaluated how she felt about herself with each change.   Her career started working at the beginning of the life cycle – as a nurse midwife.  She was present for the birth of both of my daughters.  Her career now post, raising children, surving widowed and the grandmother to a growing nest – is as a geriatric medical specialist.  

In the midst of the lives we live – there is always change.  Remembering my friend’s valuable life lesson has always helped me (eventually) see a bigger menu – a buffet of choices.  It does again as we are changing and starting to feel the beginning cycle of a recovering economy. 

I believe that in the midst of this infant recovery are important generational change characteristics about personal money and what people are choosing to do with it.  Call them the characteristics of new philanthropists in which cultural changes are rampant. 

Younger generations are re-inventing the reasons, ways and to whom they tithe; looking for a return on their investment when it comes to which not-for-profits they support and commit to sustain as their assets and incomes grow.  Charitable giving is coming of a valuable new age and new philanthropists – however rich or modest their financial circumstances – want to see the good of their assets rather than just feeling good about their actions. 

This new mindset is real and worthy.  It will require each of us to commit to seeing/reassessing/recalculating where everybody is now when it comes to money relations.  The old “we’ve always done it this way” formula doesn’t work anymore.  Financial sustainability has new metrics these days and for the future.

The challenge:  each of us must figure out how to move the financial people in our respective lives into the new money direction we each need – and do it without getting everyone’s back up.  A buffet of choices on how to do that is available to you.  Get creative.  Talk with your lenders, creditors and other financial services representatives in your money house and get your money needs recalculated.  It’s doable.  It’s worthy.  It’s valuable. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: charitable giving, philanthropy, Re-inventing money disciplines, recovering economy

This week I’m pleased to share a new video I recorded on the beautiful campus of Columbia University. Click here if you’re looking for tips on how to find your professional passion.

TAGS: career advice