Last night I was privileged to attend the Women for Women 2008 Gala Dinner. This incredible organization was started 15 years ago by Zainab Salbi, who, as a 23 year old, not only wondered what she could do to make the world a better place but took action. Women for Women’s mission is to assist women in war torn countries economically, socially and emotionally.

I encourage you to read more about what they do (simply amazing) but that’s not the main purpose of this post, rather, it is about how paying attention to the things that really matter can help to put things into perspective.

All too often lately, I know I have been focused on the economic situation and feeling badly about it. Last night, it was easy for me to see that my concerns are small in contract to those whose lives are truly in chaos.

We’re almost always better off than we think we are. And giving to others is a sure-fire way to feel richer.

TAGS: giving back, volunteering, Women for Women, Zainab Salbi

Remembrances of our mothers and the lessons they taught us come at the most unusual moments. Twice this week I thought of my mother and how she modeled for me all the behaviors I need to be successful and happy.  These two particular things were simple, but obviously stayed with me.  The first was when I was walking down the street and found myself smiling at each person who passed.  Some people didn’t smile back, others returned a ready smile, and others, surprised that someone would smile at them, offered a belated smile.  What’s the big deal you may wonder.  Through this simple gesture my mother taught me that people are important and everyone wants to be noticed, heard, and cared about.  A lesson that serves me well in a wide variety of situations.

The second memory came when I was in the kitchen struggling to get a screw out of a cabinet knob so that I could replace it with a new one.  I was about to give up in frustration when I remembered standing in another kitchen many years ago with my mother as I struggled to open a jar.  I did give up in frustration (and probably uttered a few expletives in the process) and my mother took the jar and said, “Let me do it.  Nothing gets the best of me.”  How true.  Nothing did get the best of her.  Not losing her father when she was twelve years old.  Not watching her mother toil in a Singer sewing machine factory to make enough money to raise her girls.  Not raising three kids of her own and working full-time as a nurse.  Not being married to a man who was good, but not particularly ambitious.  Not losing her husband just as they were about to retire and reap the fruits of a lifetime of labors.  And not when she was diagnosed with cancer.  Toward the end, after sharing with her the many things I learned from her and promising to pass them on, I asked her if she was afraid to die.   Without hesitation she said, “No, I’m just sorry I can’t teach you any more lessons.”

Her simple remark, “Nothing gets the best of me,” has made me perservere through my own challenges –and caused me to get that knob unscrewed.  There were so many other lessons she taught me through example.  Like the time I was going to a big dance at the temple with a boy who wasn’t Jewish.  Someone from temple called my mother and said she didn’t think it was appropriate.  I stood in the shadows and listened as my mother told the woman that Jews of all people should show more tolerance and if I wasn’t allowed to bring him she was certain I would not want to go.  She was right.  And I didn’t.

Whether you realize it or not, your children learn from you all the time.  They don’t just learn from your words, they learn from the deeds you don’t even know they observe or think they don’t notice.  That’s why it’s critically important that you demonstrate the behaviors you want them to emulate.  And it’s even more important that you don’t engage in behaviors that you don’t want to emulate –  because they will.

TAGS: mothers and daughters, perseverence

Chelsea Clinton said last night that her mother is her hero. My guess is that hearing those words last night meant more to Hillary than the roar of the crowd at the Democratic National Convention - a lot more.

So what did Hillary Clinton do to win such high praise from her daughter?

• She stayed strong and principled. She showed her daughter that she was not willing to back down on the issues that matter to her.
• She set her sights high. She didn’t apologize for her ambition, demonstrating to her daughter that women should not hide their talents, skills and experience.
• She claimed credit for her contributions. Eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling is no small feat; Hillary made history and modeled for her daughter that women must be unafraid to take credit for their accomplishments.

I hope I’ve been able to teach my daughter those things as well. What lessons do you think are most important to teach your daughters, nieces or the women you mentor?

TAGS: mentoring, Raising Girls, women role models

A friend recently sent me this quote from www.gratefulness.org: Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, “grow, grow.”   I was touched by this saying from The Talmud and it made me realize that women need angels to help them successfully walk The Thin Pink Line.  Whether you call them mentors, friends, advocates or cheerleaders, you need them.  Being a woman in society isn’t easy.  To  develop our personal and professional best we require assistance — which is one reason why Carol, Kathleen, Liz and I write this blog.  We believe in mentoring women and, although each of us mentor many women individually, we wanted a broader forum to share our experience.

Here are some tips for how to find, or keep, the angels in your life:

1.  Ask someone you trust to be your mentor.  Make it clear that you will drive the relationship, that you only want one hour per month, and that you will come prepared to lead the meeting.  In short, make it easy to mentor you.

2.  Consciously define the behaviors of people you admire.  You don’t even have to personally know your mentor.  Perhaps there’s someone at work, in the media, politics, or your community who you admire and would like to emulate.  Consider 2 - 3 specific behaviors in which they engage that you can replicate in your own life.  Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery. 

3.  Take all feedback seriously.  It’s easy to brush off feedback, but it’s actually a form of mentoring.  Whether it’s on a performance review, in casual conversation, or even a discussion that re-directs you to be more effective, the messages come from angels who can help you be an even better you.

4.  Thank your angels.  Don’t take relationships for granted.  A simple thank you for giving you feedback, spending time with you, or sharing valuable information may be all that’s needed to have this person continue to do so with you and others.

5.  Be an angel.  Mentor others, give of your knowledge freely, share personal experiences from which others can learn.  Help the blades of grass in your life to grow.  If you are learning from The Thin Pink Line, pass the link along to three other women.

TAGS: Angels, mentors, personal growth

A Canadian Thin Pink Line reader, Lia Grimanis, wrote asking if too much media exposure can be detrimental to your career.  Lia went from being homeless 18 years ago to starting two foundations and a top sales person for her company today.  As a result of her inspirational story, she is often interviewed by the media, but this has led to some jealousy and gossip among among a few of her colleagues.  Some go so far as to suggest she’s only interested in the limelight and that all the attention must cause her to be less than focused on her job.

As I told her, you don’t want to avoid the limelight just because some people will be jealous.  In reality, her question is more about how to handle jealous people than should she keep a lower profile.  There are a few things Lia can do to manage the impressions of others and mitigate any negative buzz surrounding her success:

1.  Share the limelight.  None of us is successful alone — it takes the help of others to achieve our goals.  By simply mentioning her appreciation for the co-workers and friends who have contributed to her success she lets them know it’s not all about her.  Mentioning them by name is even better. 

2.  Talk about the difficulty of being 150% committed to the job and external activities or events.  We manage the impression of others through our words and deeds.  Being as successful as Lia doesn’t come easily, so I recommend that she find approriate opportunities to talk about the challenges she encounters.  This puts a human face on success.

3.  Maintain relationships.  I recall when Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office hit several bestseller lists at the same time, and I was on various television shows and interviewed by magazines, I was busier than a one-armed paper hanger.  Yet I instinctively knew that I had to maintain my relationships even it meant giving up some precious “down time” to do it.  As a result, people knew that they were important to me and that success had not changed who I was at the core. 

4.  Offer to help or mentor others.  Jealousy often stems from the feeling that we can’t have what others have.  By helping others to achieve their dreams and goals we minimize the appearance of grandstanding and maximize our spirit of generosity.  I can’t tell you how many people I’ve taken the time to speak with about how to write or get their books published. 

5.   Modesty is the best policy.  There’s a story about a CEO who is impatiently waiting with his wife in a long, slow moving line and he turns to her and says, “Don’t they know who I am?”  She replies, “Yeah. You’re a plumber’s son who got lucky.”  I never forgot that line.  Humility is attractive at any level.  Be certain your choice of words and behaviors reflect the knowledge that you are no better than the next person — because in reality, you’re not. 

In the end, we can’t control what others think or say about us.  We can, however, take the time to strategize how we can include others in our success and share our good fortune.  To learn more about Lia’s story read this interview in the Toronto Star.

TAGS: Gossip, impression management, jealousy, Lia Grimanis, Media, Toronto Star

OK, so my friend Betty and I decided that despite the lukewarm reviews of Mamma Mia we needed something light for a hot Friday afternoon on a summer day.  This movie did not disappoint — in fact, I would have paid double for the amount of fun I had in the theatre.  I also realized that anyone under 50 probably didn’t get the movie — hence the critics’ so-so commentaries.  It’s no War and Peace or Dr. Zhivago, but I’m certain that’s not what the producers intended.

I can think of no other movie where you see a cast of actors who are predominantly over fifty years old laughing, singing, and dancing with abandon against a backdrop of the beautiful blue Mediterrean Ocean.  I had to restrain myself from standing up and dancing in the aisle.  More importantly, 59 year old Meryl Streep, 58 year old Julie Walters, and 56 year old Christine Baranski are reminders that we can choose to live our lives as joyfully as we did in our 20s.  WIthout the affectedness of the women friends in Sex and the City, these starring women model what long-term friendship is really about – support, playfulness, and the comfort of being together that comes with age.  The movie brought back memories of a time in life (my life at least) that was easy and uncomplicated – which with a little effort we can all accomplish today as well. 

There were two 70-something women sitting in front of us and they could not sit still, bouncing to the music.  One of them actually boogied out of the theatre and I smiled thinking of how easy it is to be happy when we let go of – if only for two hours on a Friday afternoon – the seriousness and self-imposed gravity of real-life.  And all this inspiration from a movie with very little plot and bad music from a group called Abba.

If you need a little fun in your life — and encouragement to bring back joy regardless of your age — walk, run no dance to the theatre to see Mamma Mia.  Then let me know what you thought.

TAGS: fun, happiness, Mamma Mia, Meryl Streep, older women

I was reminded of this saying when I received a letter from a woman I met after a keynote address to IAAP (International Association of Administrative Professionals) a number of years ago.  She wrote:

“You encouraged us to reach within to go beyond the ordinary.  At 51 I graduated from Mount St. Mary’s College in Los Angeles with my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Gerontology. Through community college courses while working full-time the goal was achieved.”

She is an inspiration to all of us who want something different than what we have.  I know it wasn’t easy for her to raise her family, work full-time, go to school, and study, but she did.  And she did because she was willing to put in the effort required to re-write her script.  It’s within all of us to do it, but few make the commitment of time, energy, and sometimes money needed to achieve what’s really important to us. 

Here are some tips for how you can start on the path toward realizing your dreams:

1. Write down your vision in the present tense (as if it were true now).  For example, “I am working in the field of gerontology at a job that I love going to every day and know that I make a difference.”
2. Talk to people in your life who can help you make it come true and ask for their help.  Perhaps you need a friend to babysit one night a week or need your spouse to do more around the house so you can study.  Whatever it is you need, ask for it.
3. Take baby steps.  If it’s a degree you want, enroll in one course, not a full course load.  If it’s a dream house you want, start with a fixer and work your way up.  Set the goal high, but give yourself lots of leeway to get there. 
4. Anticipate setbacks and don’t let them entirely derail you.  Women in particular rarely take a straight line toward achieving their goals.  What’s important is that you always find your way back on track. 
5. Celebrate milestones.  Don’t wait until you reach your goal to reward yourself.  Build in rewards (like a week-end with no work, a new outfit, or the luxury of reading a book for pure pleasure) at pre-determined benchmarks.

Here is a quote that I encourage you to print out and keep where you can see it.  It’s never been far from me for years and always provides me with inspiration when I need it most.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.

Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.  Begin it now.

TAGS: achieving goals, college degrees, Commitment, Goethe, IAAP, Inspiration