A while ago, I wrote a post about keeping your personal life private. But what can you do if you’ve already made the mistake of sharing too much information? Consider this dilemma posed by a reader (edited):

Hi. True confession time. I’m an assistant manager and over the last year, I’ve been a total idiot: sharing the things you mentioned about my private life.

Divorce, medical problems, problems with my daughter. I did this with subordinates I should have NEVER confided in. The big boss is retiring soon and passing the baton to me, so to speak and I’ve made a MESS that unfortunately has stained my reputation here. I get a lot of disrespect from the other employees who will be working under me. I feel that they know too much.

I wish I could go back with an eraser and erase their minds but it is too late. Was I mentally ill at the time I did all that revealing and chatting with them??? I hate myself for that! I feel I have spoiled the chance at being an effective manager with them.

What can I do now besides keeping my mouth shut about my personal life, which I have started doing. Or is it too late? Should I resign and turn over a new leaf somewhere else? I have been with my company 16 years.

I’d appreciate any advice that would help me. I do realize the error of my ways and now need advice on what to do about it. Thanks.

Here’s how I responded:

What’s done is done. Time to move on. Your situation is complicated but I don’t think it’s hopeless.

Suggest that you think about having one-on-one conversations with people who work for you, focusing on their careers and how you plan to support them.

Once people understand that you are on their side and want to develop them, they will probably be only too happy to forget the past. What they may be concerned about is whether your personal problems will overshadow them; you will have to turn that perception around.

If someone brings something personal up that you’ve shared with them, I’d recommend that you deflect it. You might say something like, “Thanks for your concern but that is behind me now. Let’s spend our time figuring out the best way to get this work done without having to stay late.”

It won’t be easy but demonstrating your competence (and concern as a leader) is the way to reinvent yourself in the eyes of your co-workers.

The reality is that once you make a mistake like this woman did, you have to re-negotiate the relationship.  In order to be an effective leader, you must have and use power wisely and well. While she now does have positional power (she is or soon will be the boss), her personal power has suffered because her vulnerabilities are public.  She’ll have to regain her standing one colleague at a time – and negotiation is the way to do that.

TAGS: LinkedIn. recovering from mistakes, privacy, too much information

According to the BBC, the title of Sarah Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue, is derived from accusations that while campaigning as John McCain’s running mate, she pursued her own agenda. Regardless of how Ms. Palin deals with those charges in the book (might she deny them?), it is clear that many times people do “go rogue”.

Twice in the last few days, I’ve heard stories from women who are struggling with direct reports who refuse to play the game according to the rules.

In one case, the woman is relatively new to a senior job in IT; the person who’s causing her to lose sleep goes around her to discuss his concerns about the priorities she’s set directly with her boss. In the other, a lawyer is receiving work from an associate working with her is so shoddy that she is spending way too much time redoing it.

If you’re facing something like this, how do you handle it?

• Do not ignore the situation. This is not something that you can expect will resolve itself; you must take action. When this topic came up during the research we conducted for Her Place at the Table , not once did a woman we interviewed say, “I wish I had ignored a person I suspected of trying to undermine me longer.”  Au contraire! They said, “I didn’t want to shake things up.” or “I had so much to do that I decided I’d deal with her when things were more settled.”, or “I hoped he would get on board.” And they all said that they had made a mistake.

• Consider what may be driving the behavior. It may be that she/he is consciously trying to undermine you or that they are merely oblivious to the havoc they wreak. If the former, what do you think is his end game? If the latter, you can clear it up by having a clarifying conversation.

• If you’re sure that the person in acting intentionally, devise a plan. Decide whether to discuss the behavior directly with him/her or instead to discuss the situation with your boss. She may not realize what is going on; you can ask her to modify her behavior by re-directing/rebuffing the culprit.

When the first woman described above told her boss what was going on, he said, “I didn’t realize! Next time he comes to me, I’ll tell him that I’d prefer to get ‘updates’ directly from you.”

In the other case, she used her positional power as supervisor to call a meeting. She provide specific feedback regarding the poor work and was clear that the quality had to be improved. She was careful not to dilute her message by apologizing at any time during the conversation and unequivocally stated that she would have to replace him on the matter unless she saw immediate improvement. The jury is still out on this one but she is cautiously optimistic.

Readers, have you faced this challenge? How did you handle it?

TAGS: giving feedback, LinkedIn, managing difficult people

One of the best things you can do to reach the “corner office” is to be included in a leadership development program your company sponsors for high potential talent. Some of these programs are internal, others are outsourced but regardless of where they’re held or how much work is involved with preparing for it, make sure you are considered when the opportunity comes along. Why?

• You stand to learn a lot about yourself and how you are viewed by others

• You will have the opportunity to step back from the day-to-day to reflect on what you are doing that is working as well as what you want to change

• You’ll be tagged as a high potential leader as a result of your selection

Apropos of the thin pink line, however, research shows that you, as a woman, may not be top of mind when these highly coveted ─ and competitive ─ spots become available.  According to an analysis done by Development Dimensions International, men are more likely than women to be enrolled in both early career leadership development programs as well as executive level development programs.

Source: Development Dimensions International

Ann Howard, Chief Scientist for DDI is clear about the problem this causes for women who aspire to the top, “If they (women) don’t make it into these programs, their chances for an executive promotion are slim, and they don’t know it until it’s too late.”

So how can you best position yourself to be selected?

• Do your homework
  Learn everything you can about the program. When is it held? Where? What the criteria is for inclusion? Who makes the decisions?

• Assess your chances, shore up as needed
  What are your current chances of being selected? If they’re not as good as you’d like, what can you do to improve them? For example, do you know a Program Alumuni you could ask for advice? Do you have a Sponsor who might be able to put in a good word on your behalf?

• Raise your hand high!
  Do not be a shrinking violet, sitting on the sidelines until some ne invites you to the party. Follow the formal process the company has outlined for those who wish to be considered and make it clear that you are ready, willing and able.

Readers, have you been involved with a leadership development program? What was your experience? What impact did it have on your career?

TAGS: Developing your skills, Leadership, LinkedIn

After reading posts about leadership and the importance of voice on The Thin Pink Line, Kay Kleinerman, Ed.D. a singer and voice and leadership development coach, wrote the following guest blog:

Can singing turn you into a leader?  Can you learn to lead by learning to sing?  Over the course of my work, I’ve noticed that there is an integral connection between voice, identity, and the inclination to lead.  The journey of locating your voice through singing can be one of self-discovery, empowering you to find new aspects of yourself that enlarge and transform your identity.   Developing your voice is akin to developing your identity and when you become conscious of your identity you are awakened to your potential.

The word “voice” and the concept of having voice are often used as metaphors for leadership.  Frequently, though, female voices are ignored or subverted, particularly as they age.  Voice as a means of self-expression and self-agency has been a battleground for women.  For women to claim their equitable rights as leaders and meaning makers in their communities, they must know themselves and make themselves heard.

In working with diverse populations of women, I have seen that singing can foster self-awareness, self-assurance, a sense of free expression, and greater presence — many of the qualities upon which leadership rests.  So,does this mean that all women should learn to sing?   I, of course, would say “Yes.”  However, learning to sing takes time and commitment.  If time is in short supply, you can still do some things to discover the power of your voice:

1. Breathe – deeply, every day for at least 5 minutes.  Relax those stomach muscles, take air in through your nose and mouth simultaneously, and feel your lower back expand. Breathing this way centers you and connects you to your inner support.

2. Hum – every day.  Humming awakens your voice and gets it buzzing.  You can feel it resonate in your cheeks, your nose, even in your forehead …and it’s fun, it makes you feel good.

3. Sing a song – every day.  Not in the car.  Take 10 minutes for yourself, find a private space, take a deep breath  and sing a song that uses your whole range.  Don’t limit yourself.  If your voice cracks or breaks, don’t worry – it just needs a little exercise.

Everything you want to express, everything you want to be is in your voice Open your voice and keep singing.  Get in touch with your sound.  It’s the center of who you are.  The more you know it, experiment with it – up and down your whole range – and use it expansively, the more you’ll discover about yourself, which is the first important step to developing your authentic personal leadership capabilities.

Learn more about Kay at her website Voice Matters.

TAGS: Leadership, singing, voice

Many women struggle with how to walk the thin pink line with regard to expressing pride in their accomplishments.  Show too much and you’ll be considered egotistical but now we know that if you don’t show enough pride, you will damage your credibility.  According to research recently reported by Benedict Carey in The New York Times, pride is the strongest “status signal” among emotions.  An excerpt:

“The implications of this are hard to exaggerate. Researchers tend to split pride into at least two broad categories. So-called authentic pride flows from real accomplishments, like raising a difficult child, starting a company or rebuilding an engine.  Hubristic pride, as Dr. Tracy (who led the research) calls it, is closer to arrogance or narcissism, pride without substantial foundation. The act of putting on a good face may draw on elements of both.”

People who demonstrate the right kind and amount of self-pride are seen as leaders.  And, as importantly, they feel like leaders. Their belief in themselves is contagious.  Those who don’t fail to convince people to follow.

Yes, the right kind of pride in the right amounts can help in many situations.  Lois wrote about Susan Boyle the other day and, as Ann pointed out in her comment, Susan’s courage to pursue her dream is indeed inspiring.  I would add that her courage to believe in herself despite the odds she faced contributed as much to her success as a sensation as her magnificent voice.  She knew her voice would wow them and it did.

What can we learn from this research and from Susan?

• Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t control.  If you lost your job as a result of the poor economy, that’s not your fault. It’s not a reflection of your knowledge or skills. It is what it is.

• Don’t feel compelled to share your concerns about your lack of experience about a particular subject with everyone.  Sure, get a pep talk from someone you trust when you have moments of self-doubt but be sure that his/her interests aren’t impacted.

• Don’t allow yourself to become a victim of “Impostor Syndrome”.  That’s when deep down, you think that the success you’ve enjoyed was a fluke. that you were just lucky – and you constantly worry that someone will find out that you aren’t as good as people think you are.

Keep your chin up and a healthy amount of pride in your demeanor.

TAGS: Leadership, pride, self-confidence, Self-trust, Susan Boyle

Read any newspaper or talk to any Boomer or Gen X manager today and you are likely to hear about the “problem” of Generation Y (a.k.a. the Millennials) in the workforce:

“They act entitled to everything!”

“They don’t want to pay their dues and expect to be promoted, even during a recession!”

“Why are they always texting?”

As someone who coaches and writes a blog for college students and young professionals, I think there is some merit to these complaints. A lot of young people today grew up with doting parents, a healthy sense of self-esteem and the whole world (literally) at their fingertips thanks to the Internet.

We can focus on the downsides of these characteristics, or we can embrace the upsides. I’ve chosen the latter, and I hope you will, too. As we struggle with the bad economy and the uncertainty it brings, it’s more important than ever to identify and bring out the best in every employee. Here are five reasons to like your twentysomething employees…and maybe even love them:

1. They are effortlessly tech-savvy. Today’s young people have been using computers for more than half their lives. Their natural instinct is to know technology and the Internet like the back of their hands. Every time I have a question about the best cell phone, blogging platform, web resource or instant message acronym, I ask a Gen Y. Even if this advising is not part of their job descriptions, Gen Ys are usually eager and excited to share their expertise. You’ll never miss out on the next big technology trend (social networking, Twittering, texting, wikis) as long as you have Millennials around.

2. They love feedback. According a recent survey commissioned by Yahoo!HotJobs, 60 percent of Gen Y-ers want to hear from their managers at least once a day. This may sound incredibly time-consuming, but think of the upside potential: by providing regular feedback, you have the opportunity to tweak an employee’s performance regularly. Plus, positive reinforcement is great for morale and productivity.

3. They are capable of super-productivity. When I meet college students, I am consistently impressed by all of their involvements—they manage academics, extra curriculars, sports and jobs and still have time to spend hours a day on Facebook. Notice all of the student-run conferences, volunteer events and online businesses popping up on campuses across the country. When young people are engaged by their employers, they will use their multi-tasking talents and super-productivity on behalf of your company.

4. Their lives are an open book. Thanks to their comfort with websites like Facebook and MySpace, Gen Y-ers are comfortable talking about pretty much anything: their likes, dislikes, opinions and more. If you want to know what your young employees are thinking, feeling, buying or anything else (anything it is legal for an employer to ask, of course), go ahead and start a conversation. Your Gen Y employees would love to provide their opinions. Think of this as free market research into an important customer segment.

5. They are diverse. Generation Y is not only our country’s largest generation (over 75 million — even bigger than the Boomers), it is also our most diverse. One in three Gen Y-ers is a person of color, one in four was raised by a single parent. I have also found most members of this generation to be broadminded about religious differences, sexual preferences, regional differences and gender roles. Your youngest employees will bring a naturally diverse and tolerant perspective to your organization, which reflects the diverse customer bases we all serve.

What positive characteristics have you noticed in your Gen Y employees? Please share!

TAGS: Generation Y, managing

I am thrilled to share my first post on The Thin Pink Line, joining the ranks of three women I admire tremendously. I’m eager to contribute my thoughts, opinions and stories as a Gen X woman whose passion is helping Gen Ys adapt to the professional world and helping organizations adapt to Gen Y.

So, I thought it would be fitting to make my first post about a generational issue that’s been on my mind a lot lately: the bashing of Gen Y workers.

I try to read everything in the news about Generation Y and careers. This means I regularly find myself plodding through frustrating stories about how the Millennials are “entitled,” “coddled” and “disloyal.” A recent article on MSNBC.com is yet another maddening example.

When did the Baby Boomers mantra “Don’t trust anyone over 30” turn into “Don’t trust anyone under 30”?

Why, during the worst economy in over 60 years, would anyone tell our youngest workers—our future leaders—that they are “not special” and “woefully unprepared”? If we said this about any other type of worker, it would be discrimination. Why is it okay to bash young workers?

I acknowledge that many Millennials (those born in the 1980s and 90s) are not as prepared as previous generations when it comes to some very important areas of work, such as writing skills and professionalism. I would argue in return that they are significantly more prepared in such very important areas as technology, sensitivity to diversity and globalization.

And yes, many young workers like to change jobs frequently. But this is a natural and understandable result of growing up in a time of unprecedented economic expansion, the dot com revolution and rounds upon rounds of corporate downsizings. Millennials know they’ll never work at one company for 30 years and retire with a gold watch. They’re not disloyal; they’re realistic. And, when they find a company that has adapted to the new realities of the workforce, such as Zappos.com, they do stay.

It’s important for a news outlet like MSNBC to report that younger workers have been especially hard hit in the economic downturn. It’s another thing entirely to basically blame it on the young workers. Criticizing Millennials is a total waste of time and energy. Instead of disparaging the young people quoted in the article, why not offer them some tips to land jobs, or balance the piece with some stories of Millennials who are succeeding despite the recession?

Most of the organizations I know that employ Millennials have some complaints. But, those employers tell me, once they provide some coaching and adapt their training and management practices a bit, they are generally thrilled with the productivity, creativity and hard work of their young workers. I’ve seen the same with the Gen Ys I know and work with.

I’ve seen:

young people, like Marissa Davis, who are starting nonprofit organizations to solve social problems

young people, like the college women featured in the terrific documentary “What’s Your Point, Honey?” who want to be President someday

young people, like Nuzhat Karim, who are working diligently to contribute to the success of their employers.

What is the point of my rant? It’s this: I challenge anyone who wants to criticize young workers to do three things:

1) Talk to a Millennial and ask that young person how he or she sees the world.

2) Tell that Millennial how you see the world.

3) Repeat.

Stop bashing Generation Y. We’re all in this together.

A version of this article previously appeared on the Lindsey Pollak Career Blog.

TAGS: Gen Y Women, Generational issues

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting Cleo Thompson, Executive Producer of ‘“Closing the Gender Gap: Challenges, Opportunities and the Future”.  She had the vision to take her firm’s commitment to women more public and to make it accessible to others though a film.

This thought-provoking film includes interviews with thought leaders from business, academia and politics who encourage businesses to think strategically about the issues that impact women in the workplace now and in the future as a business imperative.

PwC’s Global CEO Sam DiPiazza comments:

“There is no doubt that the global economic picture in 2050 will look very different from today. In addition to economic change, we are going through a period of huge social transformation. The leading companies of the world in 2050 will be those that have found ways to create opportunities for women throughout the organization all the way to the top. They have no choice – the fierce battle for talent means they need to use every resource they have to its full potential – and that includes women.”

Very impressive indeed when a global company renowned for its emphasis on talent management takes the lead to educate other organizations about the importance of retaining and promoting women as a business strategy. Not just a “nice to do” but a “must do”.

I have talked with many women who work for firms that still do not provide the tools and resources to support women who aspire to senior and executive roles. And even some of the firms that do, don’t take the next step ─ to hold executives accountable for results. If you work for a company that hasn’t made the right kinds of investment in women, I suggest you share the link to the film with your colleagues.

And for companies who have started on the journey, there is no doubt that the economic crisis will provide a temptation to cut back on gender initiatives in place currently. Don’t wait until it is too late; share the link to the PwC’ film with whomever holds the purse strings in your firm. You may be able to help them to stave off a bad decision with the solid information the film offers.

Thanks, PwC!

TAGS: business case for advancing women, investing in women, women's initiatives

When we were writing Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success, we talked about the “special tests” that the workplace reserves just for women.  We described one of them as “The Token Test” ─ the question that often follows a woman when she takes on a leadership role: “Did she get the job because she is a woman?”

I must confess that I was a bit skeptical that the Token Test was still operative in 2004. I thought we had come far enough and that there were so many clearly qualified women that there would be no reason to offer an unqualified woman a leadership position. What I have learned from this election is that I was wrong —John McCain’s selection of Sarah Palin was, in my opinion, a setback for qualified women in politics and in business.

If the polls and the pundits are right, the American public wasn’t fooled by a charismatic politician who claims she didn’t have a second of doubt about her readiness for the VP role. And, unless McCain wins the election, I think Palin will shoulder a great deal of the blame. Even last week, she was being described as a “diva” and a “whack job” by unnamed McCain campaign officials. Hmmmm…

So what can we learn from this?

• Ask lots of questions when you are offered your dream job. Why me? Why now? What are the expectations that I will have to meet? What kind of support will I get? What kind of resources can I expect? (Make it clear you are not asking for a clothing allowance!)
• While women should take appropriate risk to enhance their careers, taking on a role when you do not have the requisite knowledge and skill is harmful to your professional reputation. Be realistic about what you have and what you lack. Then build your knowledge and skills incrementally in a strategic way to set yourself up for success.
• There’s nothing wrong with being reflective; moments of doubt make us stronger and better prepared.

Apologies to all thethinpinkline readers who have election fatigue, especially those who read from outside the US.  It’s almost over.

TAGS: gender, gender and leadership, John McCain, Leadership, Sarah Palin, The Token Test

Building on Carol’s blog this past Monday, Fortune magazine “Ask Annie” columnist, Anne Fisher, interviewed me for an article to coincide with their 50 Most Powerful Women issue.  Yes, we’ll know we’ve really come a long way when we no longer need such articles.  With that said, Anne Fisher’s article focuses on redefining power in a way that makes it more palatable for women to embrace it.  I hope you’ll take a minute to read the entire piece, but for now, let me make just three points to move you one step closer to being the leader you want to become:

• Leadership is not a title or a power bestowed on you.  It’s what you do every day to provide direction, make a difference, and add value.  Observe and give yourself credit for the ways in which you lead all the time.
• Power is not to be hoarded — it’s to be shared.  The most powerful people I know (many of them women) constantly share their power with the understanding that this creates synergies that yield exponentially more than doing things alone.  Sharing powering is not threatening to them because they understand that heros go it alone, leaders get the job done by influencing, understanding, and motivating others.
• Finish this sentence:  “I am a leader who…” .  Write it down.  What do you want people to be saying about you and your leadership style?  Now make that a reality by consistently acting in the way you want to be described. 

TAGS: Anne Fisher, Fortune magazine, powerful women, women and power