Every time I watch the Olympics, I find it thrilling. Certainly the mastery of the sports awes me ─ the athletes make it look easy but we know it’s not. The desire to be champions is at the core of their success but desire is merely a dream without discipline.

You can’t teach someone the desire to be a champion – and clearly we can’t all be Olympic champions but we can be the best we can be at whatever it is we do. And, we can teach our kids to do the same. If you are a parent trying to raise kids with a strong work ethic, here are some ideas to consider:

• Limit TV ─ “what”, “when” and “where”. I think some TV, even on weeknights after homework was finished is fine but consider this: The Nielsen Company show kids aged 2-5 now spend more than 32 hours a week on average in front of a TV screen. The older segment of that group (ages 6-11) spend a little less time, about 28 hours per week watching TV, due in part that they are more likely to be attending school for longer hours.

Watch it with them and discuss what you saw.

Think carefully before letting your kids have TVs in their rooms, if they do, you lose control of the “what” and the “when”.

• Keep the computer in public space. Computers should be used in a part of the home where your kid may have to IM “pos” (parent over shoulder) at any time.

• Let them know you are interested. Keep up with your kids’ teachers and assignments. I’m a big believer in the role of parent as homework “coach”, not doing the assignment but making the time to check that it’s been done as well as to serve as a resource as needed.

• Be clear about your expectations. They don’t have to get all A’s but they should work to the best of their ability.

TAGS: LinkedIn, work ethic. raising children

Making decisions can be difficult. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve talked with several women who were in the process of making a decision ─ some small (should I select the “Northern Air” or the “Mediterranean Sky”? color blue to paint my living room?), others larger (should I take a new job which will require me to move across the country?) and some very important indeed (should I change the treatment I’m receiving for a serious medical condition?).

Even when the decision is small, some struggle.

I googled the phrase “decision making” and got close to 81,000,000 results. And Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink about how sometimes the best decisions are made in an instant became a best seller ─ fueled by the need so many have to improve their decision making ability.

So here are some decision-making tips:

• Put It In Perspective
  Luckily, most of the decisions we make are not irrevocable nor life-threatening. We can change our minds if it turns out that we were wrong. Whew!

• Information Is Power
  Whether you are buying a car or a major appliance, weighing a job offer, choosing a school or daycare provider or doing research about a health condition, find out as much as you can. The internet makes this much easier; one survey of Americans showed that 45% of those online do research before they make a major decision.

  You don’t have to rely only on the internet, however. Talk with people who have information or experience. If the decision you’re making is an important one, get expert guidance.

• Over-thinking Doesn’t Make A Better Decision
  Once you’ve gathered the information you need, weigh the pros and cons and come to a conclusion. The more you ruminate, the greater the chance that you will second guess yourself. You know what they say about scoring well on a multiple choice test ─ your first answer is usually the right one.

• Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself
  If it turns out that the decision you made didn’t turn out well, don’t beat yourself up. Chances are that you made the best choice you could with the information you had. If you didn’t do your homework, feel free to resolve to do better next time though.

• Celebrate the Right Decisions You Make
  Build your decision-making confidence by noting it when you make a decision you are happy with. I suggest you keep a list of these good decisions─ and refer to it whenever you are doubting yourself.

TAGS: decision-making, decisions, LinkedIn

Relationships can be over-rated.

I’m not referring to romantic relationships, emotional connections with family members, or even the ways we relate with colleagues and clients. But we can often waste time and energy trying to build relationships with those with whom we should be having merely pleasant transactions.

Think about making a big purchase, let’s say a car. How would you describe your ideal outcome from this kind of interaction?

Most people would describe a successful interaction as one wherein you get the car you want for a fair price (of course, you’ve done your homework before you leave home). While you certainly are polite, you are not terribly concerned about the tenor of your ongoing relationship with the car salesperson. Why? Because you realize that he doesn’t have to like you, he simply has to treat you fairly. You are realistic enough to know that he is there to sell cars, you are there to buy one. Neither of you is there to make a new friend.

Why is this so important to keep in mind? Armed with this mental model, you will:

• be better prepared to enter into the inevitable price conversation
• not be pressured to make a decision before you are ready to do so
• able to walk away if you don’t get a very good price

Contrast the transactional situations above with the need to build relationships (even shallow ones) with those with whom you have an ongoing connection:

• While she may never become your best friend, it’s helpful to cultivate a relationship with your child’s teacher, even if just until June rolls around. You’ll do what you can to support your child
• With the receptionist at the dentist’s office who is the gatekeeper to an appointment time that works for you
• With your landlord who has the power to affect your right to “quiet enjoyment” of your apartment

And those most important in our lives, personally or professionally, kicks the importance of relationship building up a more than few notches.

One key to success in building successful relationships is to avoid trying to build them with everyone and anyone. Ask yourself:

1. What is my desired outcome?
2. Can this person satisfy what I need?
3. Who has the positional power in this situation?
4. How long do I expect to be interacting with him/her?
5. What’s the risk if we don’t reach an agreement?
6. How likely is it that our paths will cross again in the future?

Differentiate situations that deserve relationship and spend your time and effort accordingly.

TAGS: LinkedIn

We may not like it because most people on Main Street are still hurting and struggling financially, but when earnings rebound, when bailout loans get repaid and when a company racks up impressive performances, Wall Street’s long standing bonus structure kicks in.  (Wall Street:  From Bailout to Bonuses, Part 1, post 10/22/09).

Wall Street’s top firm – Goldman Sachs – is sitting on the biggest pot of bonus money in the company’s history:  $23 billion.  Goldman says $16.7 billion of it – is set aside for the much talked about and controversial end-of-year (compensation and benefits) bonuses.

A lot of people on Main Street want to “shoot the messenger” (Goldman Sachs) for having amassed such a bonus pool.  Such a lofty stash of cash infuriates a lot of hardworking, every day people – perhaps in part because Main Street wants to believe that what’s good for Wall Street is good for Main Street and vice versa. 

The reality is – it just doesn’t work that way.  In fact, it’s often the exact opposite.  We live in a capitalistic society and most of us believe in it but feel the practice of bowing to the capitalist gods (corporate America) must change, and that it starts with stopping these eye-popping, anticipated bonuses.

When properly used, I believe bonuses are a good thing.  They were created to motivate performance that would fall to (improve) the bottom line.  And bonuses are a good idea when they’re used as an incentive to motivate stellar performance.  Bonuses weren’t meant to be a guarantee.  They were meant to be the carrot. 

The problem with Wall Street’s bonus structure these days is that bonuses aren’t the carrot that’s being dangled anymore; they’re an expected additional compensation; and the money handlers are getting paid – when they sell you stock, for the transaction, and even when you are losing money on it.

Some say Wall Street bonus rewards should be tied to Main Street’s.  Their argument?  It would motivate the financial services industry to “do the right thing” and “get us back on our feet” rather than just increasing activity where “the rich get richer and though we (Main Street) lost money, they (Wall Street) get a year-end-bonus”.

My issue is the size of end-of-the-year bonuses.  I just can’t wrap my brain around justifying a $500,000 to $700,000 bonus (which is the range the New York Times has calculated for each of Goldman Sachs’ 31,700 employees who qualify for the windfall.)  Goldman’s CEO Lloyd Blankfein says the company needs to pay these huge sums in order to retain its best people or risk losing them to rivals.  

I think that’s a bogus - but popular – argument among all the top firms. 

Here’s the bottom line for Main Street:  the U.S. lost 7.2 million jobs in the last two years driving the unemployment rate to its highest level in more than a quarter of a century.  Plenty of very talented people on Main Street are still looking for work – let alone being retained with six figure salaries and six figure bonuses.

So while there may be some job opportunities out there for these bright, talented, high stakes Wall Street money managers – how many would actually walk away from a job that pays so very well – in this economy?

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: bailout, Bonus compensation, wall street

Goldman Sachs, Wall Street’s top firm, has set aside $16.7 billion for bonuses to top employees.  That’s up 46% from the bonuses the firm gave a year ago.  Paid at year’s end, this chunk of money is compensation and benefits for the first nine months of 2009.  The New York Times says it’s enough to pay each of Goldman’s bonus qualifying workers $527,192.  

Ka-ching!  But not on Main Street.

Wall Street bonuses have always been a hot topic but – in the current economic environment – bonuses are even more controversial and often lead to some very angry points of view.  

Goldman Sachs is in a lot of people’s crosshairs because Goldman’s bonus number is far greater than any other on Wall Street. 

But the flipside is – Goldman Sachs had a spectacular third quarter:  more than $3 billion ($3.19 billion, to be exact).  And since the bonus compensation formula is based on performance – I believe that will be central to Goldman justifying the bonuses to the public. 

Goldman’s CEO Lloyd Blankfein set a Wall Street pay record two years ago with a $70 million salary, stock, bonuses and options package.  He “slashed” his pay last year ($600,000 and nearly $278,000 in deferred stock rewards) and went without a bonus after the firm’s first quarterly loss.

Blankfein accepted financial support from the government : $10 billion.   He/Goldman Sachs has repaid the $10 billion in bailout money plus dividends.  Now the company is resuming allocating billions of dollars for year end bonuses. 

We may not like it because most people on Main Street are still hurting and struggling financially.  But when earnings rebound, when bailout loans get repaid and when a company starts racking up impressive performance, Wall Street’s long standing bonus structure kicks in.

That’s why I think how Goldman handles this end-of-the-year bonuses story will shape its image in the public’s eye for many years to come.  My bet is Goldman will justify having the biggest bonus pot in company history by showcasing its standing ovation third quarter performance.

Wall Street – From Bailout to Bonuses, Part 2 – next week.

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: bailout, Bonus compensation, wall street

This guest post is by Sandra Naiman, author of The High Achiever’s Secret Codebook: The Unwritten Rules for Success at Work.

At best, looking for a job can feel like a roller coaster ride. For many people, the longer they search, the more they get discouraged. This is especially true in a flailing economy where there’s more competition for fewer jobs.

So how does a job seeker remain positive throughout the job hunt? While this certainly is a challenging time, there are steps that can help people stay upbeat:

1. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Identify the skills and aptitudes that make you good at your work and also make a list of what you like about yourself, such as sense of humor or empathy. Then find a way to demonstrate those skills and characteristics. For example, if you are good at planning, organize the book drive at your child’s school. If you pride yourself for your ability to put people at ease, volunteer to work in the waiting room for families of surgery patients.

2. Achieve tangible results. Many job search related activities do not provide an immediate tangible outcome. To maintain a sense of control, do something every day that does afford concrete results. It can be as simple as cleaning out a closet, organizing the garage or waxing the car. It can also be related to volunteer or family activities, such as writing a neighborhood watch newsletter or making cookies with the kids. Make sure, that at the end of each day, you can point to something you accomplished.

3. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Identify those people who have confidence in you and build your own confidence in yourself. Avoid the people who always see the glass as half empty or those who drain your energy.

4. Keep promises to yourself. Now is a good time to end a bad habit, take a class that you’ve wanted to pursue, or learn a new skill.

5. Reward yourself. At the end of each day, chronicle the things you did well and reward yourself with a good book, a soak in the tub, or some other activity that says to you “job well done.” As far as job searching goes, pride yourself on the things you accomplished that day, rather than waiting for results before you celebrate what you’ve done. The latter usually doesn’t come as quickly as you would wish.

6. Follow a healthy routine. Eat well, exercise and take good care of your body.

7. Allow yourself some down time. You can’t be up and optimistic all the time, so give yourself permission to have a bad day. If you diligently follow the above suggestions, you can count on tomorrow to be better.

This post originally appeared on the Lindsey Pollak Career Blog.

TAGS: Books, career advice, Job hunting

According to travel website Expedia’s ninth annual Vacation Deprivation Survey, an estimated 49.4 million Americans –34% of employed U.S. adults — did not use all their vacation days in 2009.  That’s up from 31% in 2008 and, except for Japan, the worst of the countries (Austria, Australia, Canada, Great Britain,  France, Germany, Italy, Japan, New Zealand,  Spain and the United States) surveyed.  Read the full survey here.

No doubt, people these days are stretched to do more and more with less support. Some think they can’t take time off because they are too busy. Others think of themselves as indispensable.

Hopefully, if you were “vacation deprived” in 2008, you’ll be taking time off this year. It’s important for your physical health to rest and recharge and it’s essential for your emotional health. And it’s not as hard as you might think − with some planning, not only will you be able to get away, but you will also be able to enjoy your time away from the office.

Some ideas:

• Give yourself an artificial departure date.
  Plan to wrap up whatever work you need to finish the day before you leave so that you will have that final day to wrap up any loose ends in a leisurely fashion. It’s a lot harder to begin to relax if you begin your vacation in a frenzy.

• Negotiate coverage.
  Don’t try to go it alone and don’t assume that others will automatically step up, proactively ask your colleagues to handle tasks that can’t wait until you get back. Be specific about what you’d like them to do for you as well as how you’d like them to do it. Offer to do the same for them when they are out on vacation.

• Step away from the blackberry.
  Make a decision about whether you’ll check your email at all, and if you can’t go cold turkey or feel that not peeking at your messages would cause you more stress than checking them, decide how you’ll handle things. Will you respond to only important messages? Only those that are urgent? Will you instead forward these to colleagues (see #2 above)?

• Prepay your credit card before you leave.
  That way, you won’t be facing a big bill when you get back.

• Accept the fact that when you go back to the office, despite your planning, you’ll probably still be underwater.
  Hold onto that vacation feeling for as long as possible by taking a deep breath and thinking back to the highlights of your time off.

TAGS: LinkedIn, reducing stress, vacation

I was inspired by my colleague Carol Frohlinger’s The “Pink Elephant” in the Room (July 27th 2009) post about how important our personal perceptions and experiences when confronted with a difficult issue.  She went on to say that might be what happens when women are asked about their experiences in working with other women.

The phrase (pink) “elephant in the room” describes something that should be very obvious, something you’d certainly notice.  “Elephant in the room” is actually an English idiom for an obvious truth regarding a question, problem, solution, or controversial issue that though obvious, is ignored by a group of people and goes unaddressed, generally out of embarrassment or taboo.

One of the biggest “pink elephants” in the room for professional women these days – is the one in green that begins with:  “We’d love for you to be our keynote speaker” (workshop leader, seminar facilitator, panelist, consultant) and ends with:  “…but we have very little money, so we thought you might be willing to…”

This long ignored “pink elephant” is making the other members of the herd green with envy.  

How can this elephant not even get talked about?  How is it that this elephant doesn’t get researched, discussed, tweaked and resolved the way most of those other touchy, uncomfortable, “oh-do-we-have-to-go-there” pink elephants (issues) do? 

How can this elephant that asks women professionals to donate their services – same event, same time every year, extremely worthy causes but not paychecks – still be standing in the center of the room when the reason for the gathering is to talk about women improving their financial well-being or managing the marketing of their product and brand to improve their business bottomline?

How can this elephant not understand it needs to walk the thin pink line and pay women professionals for their services and promote that mindset within their organizations?

Women now have impressive social networks and access to other professional women through these connections.  But far too often, we’re still being asked to ask each other to provide our expertise without compensation, or below market value or without the other basic fee for services and terms of engagement automatically afforded our male counterparts.

Part of this has to do with expectations.  Our average guy counterpart just isn’t expected to do as many pro bono gigs as the average professional woman.  That’s why I think it’s time for women to change the old mindset by consistently and proactively committing to pay each other (and get each other paid) for our skills, expertise, knowledge, know-how, ideas and anything else that formerly fell under the  ”we thought you might be willing to” category.

Glinda Bridgforth, a long-time and well respected colleague of mine in the field of personal finance, agrees but says it’s also important that women ask for what we believe we deserve.   Bridgforth is President and CEO of Bridgforth Financial & Associates, LLC (http://www.bridgforthfinancial.com/) and offers these suggestions on how to determine what you’re worth, what your compensation should be. 

“It’s important to get as much information as possible from the potential client,” Bridgforth says.  “Ask what kind of budget they have for a speaker.  Ask who the other speaker candidates are to get a sense of the professional caliber of speaker being sought.  The responses to those two questions give you an indication of the kind of fee the client’s willing to pay.”    Her suggestions can helps you get and set a good ballpark figure instead of guessing and potentially low balling your services or blowing yourself out of consideration.

Bridgforth and I both agree that philanthropy and community service should be part of everyone’s work ethic and responsibility.  “Women can do pro bono or work for lesser compensation on occasion because it is a seed that is being planted which can bloom into some other area,” Bridgforth says.  “Perhaps it can come from someone in the audience who will hire you in the future at your full rate.  But clearly, the pink elephant (in green) is in the room.”

Let’s address the “pink elephant” in green.  Let’s not be embarrassed.  It’s time for women to collectively stop participating in the “pink elephant”-in-green-mentality that abuses, confuses or co-mingles female philanthropy with professional compensation. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

Glinda Bridgforth is the author of “Girl Get Your Credit Straight” and “Girl Get Your Money Straight”.

TAGS: improving women's financial well-being, pay for professional services, pink elephant issue, Thin pink line issue

GE’s former chairman, Jack Welch spoke at the Society for Human Resource Management’s annual conference recently saying (as reported in the Wall Street Journal):

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” Mr. Welch said those who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if “you’re not there in the clutch.” …”We’d love to have more women moving up faster,” Mr. Welch said. “But they’ve got to make the tough choices and know the consequences of each one.”  Taking time off for family “can offer a nice life,” Mr. Welch said, “but the chances of going to the top on that path” are smaller.” “That doesn’t mean you can’t have a nice career,” he added.

Not surprisingly, his remarks caused quite a stir ─ as of this writing, 137 comments on the WSJ article, 49,900 hits when one googles  “Welch: ‘No Such Thing as Work-Life Balance’” and undoubtedly quite a few serious conversations between and among aspiring career women and their partners.  I must admit that I struggle with this because while it is true that those who aspire to the CEO position must make “tough choices”, it really bothers me that Welch seems to view this as a problem only women face.  Anyone who covets the corner office must come to grips with the fact that the air gets harder and harder to breathe the higher one goes up the corporate ladder.

Welsh is a complicated personality ─ his 2001 autobiography, Straight From The Gut is illustrative.  When I read it, it struck me that he seems to struggle with women ─ he idolizes them (see his over-the-top tributes to his mother), takes them for granted (see his description of his marriage to Carolyn, his first wife) and underestimates them (see the Afterward he wrote after his second wife, Jane Beasley, made his very lucrative retirement package public in connection with contentious divorce settlement negotiations).  And more recently, fell head over heels in love with Suzy Wetlaufer while she was interviewing him for an article she was writing for Harvard Business Review.  She has since become his third wife.

What should you do if you work for someone like this?

• Accept that he won’t be able to ignore the fact that you are female.  It will always be an issue, the elephant in the room.   Anticipate situations when things might get uncomfortable for you and  avoid them.
• Recognize that his ego is bigger than North Dakota.  He will not be able to give you credit for the work you do without some level of Pygmalion glow. He will not allow you to move on to larger roles in other parts of the company unless you have completely solved his succession problem – you must source and completely indoctrinate your successor.
• Exit “Stage Left”  as quickly as possible.  This kind of a boss is not coachable.  He is so stuck in old ways of thinking that it’ll take a team of employment lawyers several years to pry him out.

While sexual harassment is illegal, it is difficult to prove and taxing to your career and your soul.  Ditto for sexual discrimination.  You certainly can (and sometimes have no choice but to do so) take someone like him on but sadly, these remarks come from a recognized leading business thinker.  Perhaps we haven’t come so far after all.

TAGS: the thin pink line, walking the thin pink line, work life balance

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, we heard from many women who responded to The Thin Pink Line Survey that their biggest challenge is trying to balance work and family, particularly children. Regardless of the complexity of the issues and the deeply personal choices we have to make when children are involved, it is clear that the employers aren’t all that concerned about helping us to make it work.

While we can certainly debate the extent of systemic change that should take place in the workplace to support parents of both sexes, in the meantime, things are what they are. A 2007  study reported that women identified as mothers were 50% less likely to be hired than women who were not “outed” as moms. And moms are offered, on average, starting salaries $11,000 less than childless women. Mothers are seen as less competent, less committed and less promotable.

What’s more, there’s a thinpinkline component ─ fathers suffered no such “daddy penalty”. In fact, they were seen as more committed to work and offered higher salaries than those offered to childless men.

Pretty shocking, isn’t it – especially since even recruiters have moms? Yet, there’s another side to the story. Consider the following survey comment we received:

“I am about to be passed over for a trial at my law firm. The reason I was given was ‘I’m not sure that a trial is a good idea for someone in your condition.’ I am 7 months pregnant, have not missed any work except for occasional doctor’s appointment. I have not missed or delayed a single assignment and people have even remarked that I haven’t missed a beat energy wise. I am a model pregnant employee! I have no medical reason not to participate in this trial and I am furious that they may take another associate on a case that I worked up from the beginning.”

What’s she thinking?

• I deserve this opportunity. I worked on the case from the beginning.

• I need trial work to get the experience I need to move up.

• This opportunity will give me an opportunity to demonstrate my expertise.

• I’m being penalized because I’m pregnant.

• If they treat me this way before I even have the baby, what will it be like after he’s born?

But here’s the other side:

• She’s 7 months pregnant.

• She’s taken time off to visit the doctor before and now the visits will probably increase in frequency. We don’t have time for that with a trial coming up.

• She’s been very energetic but that was before. What if she isn’t able to keep up with the hours needed?

• What is she goes into premature labor? How will we get someone else up to speed?

• We have to do the right thing for the client.

What might she have done differently to put herself in a better position to get the assignment?

1. Acknowledged that getting this trial assigned was not going to be a slam dunk – that she’d have to proactively negotiate to get it.
2. Thought about the concerns the partner making the decision might have and come up with solutions. For example, she might have arranged for a qualified colleague who wants more experience in her practice area shadow her so that there will be coverage in the unlikely event of a premature birth. (Undoubtedly, that would necessitate another negotiation about how they will share the billing credit but that’s for another day.) She might have asked her doctor to write a note describing how healthy she is.
3. Created an opportunity to broach the topic with the partner, making it clear that she wants the trial assignment, has considered the concerns she and the client may have and come up with suggested solutions.

She still may not get the trial but she surely would have done as much as possible.

What else can we learn from her situation? Whether you are still thinking about having a child, pregnant or already a mom, consider that:

• The less said about your private life, the better. Try to make your doctor’s appointments after hours or on weekends so you don’t have to leave the office. On the hopefully rare occasions when that is not possible, respect the office culture. It may be that you can simply state that you have an appointment without going into detail that it is with the gynecologist. Give advance notice whenever possible. Resist sharing that you are anxiously awaiting the test results. And keep the sonogram pictures for your family and friends.

• Your childless colleagues are not willing to work longer or harder because you need to attend soccer matches, PTA meetings or any other child related event.

• You need a Plan A, a Plan B and a Plan C for childcare. This is not your employer’s problem.

There is no doubt that combining motherhood and work is both daunting and exhausting.   It requires lots of negotiation, every day in fact.  But the bottom line is that your boss has legitimate concerns about how and when the work will get done.  You’re paid to do your job, not to be a mom.

TAGS: work life balance, Workplace pregnancy