Why is it that so many Americans have a difficult time with smart, strong, and sometimes angry, Black women?   Has it ever occurred to them that Black women have good reason to be angry?  Comments like this one made by Ms. Obama, “For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country,” shouldn’t be feared or reviled but welcomed because they express what many others are thinking but are afraid to say.  Black women are more likely to be single Moms, live in poverty, and have a more difficult time getting their “corner offices” (forget about them getting the Oval Office for a while) than their White counterparts.  That alone would be enough to make me angry. 

As an executive coach I’ve seen first-hand the struggle Black women have in the workplace.  If they dare to express themselves in clear, no uncertain terms they’re labeled as “problem employees.”  Co-workers and management don’t quite know what to do with them.  But they’re not the problem, a society that wants all women — especially Black ones — to stay in their places with smiles on their faces is the problem.  Black women walk The Thin Pink Line every day — and more so than the rest of us. 

I guarantee you that Obama’s handlers, wanting to get their man elected, are going to expect Michelle to dumb down, quiet down, and settle down.  Laura Bush and Barbara Bush did.  Nancy Reagan exerted herself in stereotypically feminine ways that were acceptable.  And poor Pat Nixon just shrank into herself.  Even Hillary made herself scarce after the healthcare debacle.  Michelle scares people — and we need scaring.  Social change isn’t created by the meek but by the bold.  By those who have the courage to take risks and speak their minds.  Michelle’s voice will help not only Black women, but all Americans whose voices have been quieted by small minds with big mouths.  Whether or not you’re an Obama fan you should be encouraging Mrs. O to remain true to her beliefs and her values.  She’s out there widening the playing field for all of us. 

TAGS: Barbara Bush, Black women, Laura Bush, Michelle Obama, Nancy Reagan, Pat Nixon, women and anger

Yesterday, I was the morning speaker for the Pennsylvania Bar Association Commission on Women in the Profession.  The conference theme was “Women and Politics” so my talk focused on how women can increase their political capital by negotiating more effectively, whether they are running for public office or not.  Could the timing have been any more interesting given that news that Hillary Clinton has decided to suspend her campaign broke just last night? Yes, there I was in Pennsylvania, a state that had meant so much to the Clinton candidacy, speaking to a group of women lawyers but I must admit I was feeling very depressed about the outcome of the Clinton campaign. 

Then Gerry Ferraro made me feel better.  (more…)

TAGS: Geraldine A. Ferraro, Hillary, Hillary Clinton, media bias, Politics, Women In the Professions, women role models

Dear Hillary:

I hope you won’t find it too familiar to call you by your first name.  Studying you over the past year or so has caused me to feel as if I know you personally - so much more so than after you spent 8 years in the White House as First Lady.  I think that was your intention - to allow Americans to see who you are, not only what you stand for.  Once you opened yourself up to us, we opened our hearts to you.  What a wonderful leadership lesson for both men and women - vulnerability is not a liability but an asset. 

Thank you, Hillary, for the dedication you demonstrated to securing the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.  Do I agree with your stance on all of the issues?  No.  But do I respect and admire you for your selfless dedication to public service and your willingness to put yourself on the line, open to criticism, day after day, month after month?  You bet.  I don’t know how many of us would be willing to show the same courage under fire. 

You showed us in real-time what it means to walk The Thin Pink Line.  Moms, entrepreneurs, business professionals, volunteers, and even authors have learned invaluable lessons in a new brand of feminine leadership from how you handled yourself (and others) during the campaign.  Some of those lessons come from the myriad things you did right — others come from what you could have done differently.  Here’s what I know I will take away from your campaign — and what I hope other women will as well.

1.  We can be strong leaders without losing one ounce of our femininity.  You delivered tough messages fairly and kindly.  You played the game like a woman without playing the gender card.   

2.  We don’t have to acquiesce to louder male voices asking us to relinquish our goals.  By adhering to your vision to compete until every vote was cast and every voice was heard you persevered despite calls to step down.  

3.  Leaders have not only the right, but the responsibility to exhibit their emotions.  Masculine leadership is stoic.  Feminine leadership is genuine.  You showed us that in New Hampshire.

4.  Loyalty can be misplaced.  Like many women, you were loyal to those who showed loyalty to you — even when they  may not have been the best people for the job.  To best serve others, leaders must surround themselves with those who best serve them.  Tough decisions are best made sooner than later. 

5.  Focus on facts, not personalities.  You were at your best when you exhibited your command of the issues and concern for the American public, not reacting to the bait put out by opponents or critics.  Bill’s campaign strategy to counterattack doesn’t work for women leaders.   

6.  Fight fair, fight clean, but fight.  You waged an aggressive, but civilized, campaign.  You showed us that women can (and should) compete to win without going for the jugular. 

7.  Developing a leadership persona takes practice.  Over the course of the campaign the strident, tense Hillary was replaced by a woman with great confidence and ease in front of cameras and crowds.  As a professor once told me, “You demonstrate the self-confidence that comes with repetition.”

Again, thank you, Hillary.  You’ve represented all women, indeed all Americans, well.  You’ve changed the tone of political campaigns from animosity to even-handed competition.  You leave a legacy from which we can all learn and apply to our daily lives.  We look forward to learning even more from you in the years to come.

With gratitude and admiration,

Dr. Lois Frankel

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, Leadership, lessons in leadership, ways women lead

As usual, over the weekend, I had the chance to catch up on some reading - the April 21 issue of New York Magazine was one of the things I read. Amanda Fortini’s article, The Feminist Reawakening, published before the Pennsylvania primary, makes the point that the media treatment of Hillary Clinton not only reminds some women that we still have a long way to come but has had the unintended benefit of making other (younger) women aware of just how thin that pink line really is.

However things turn out for Senator Clinton’s candidacy, this is a good thing. 

TAGS: Feminism, Hillary Clinton, Political skills, Politics, politics at work, power, women leaders, women's equality

But you’ve got to say “no” sometimes and accept that the other person isn’t going to be happy.  I had to do it twice last week — and I did not enjoy it.  Nonetheless, I realized that my interests would not be met if I said yes.

One of the ways women can get in our own way is to try to make others happy at our own expense. Way too often we are so focused on building relationships with others that we forget that we too should expect — and get — consideration. (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, communication, Communication Skills, negotiation skills, Political skills, Risk-taking, ways to work healthy, women, women and power, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders

I love blogging with Kathleen, Carol and Liz.  I especially love that they challenge me with their perspectives that are different than my own and help me to grow.  Kathleen and I were talking the other day about someone Kathleen knew and I asked if she thought this person might help us with a project we were working on.  She thought for a moment and then said she didn’t think we should ask this person for help on this particular project.  When I asked why not she explained that this person could actually be a lot more help to us at another time.  Kathleen didn’t want to “cash in” one of her relationship chips on something that wouldn’t have a big enough pay off.  She also felt this person wouldn’t get enough out of it to make it worth her while.  I got it!  If you’re going to ask a favor, make sure it’s worth the chip you’re cashing in and make sure the person will see it as something valuable to them.  In other words, use your relationships strategically and ensure the quid pro quo (what’s being exchanged) is of equal value.  It was a great lesson in how to maximize political skills. 

TAGS: Political skills, relationship chips

Have you been bullied at work?  If so, you’re not alone. 

Tara Parker-Pope reported in her NY Times column last week that 37% of Americans have been bullied on the job.   Her blog, Well, offered a quiz to help you figure out whether you were a victim of bullying. 

It was fairly obvious that you have been bullied if you answer “yes” to some of the questions,  for example, “Been yelled at or shouted at in a hostile manner?” Others were more subtle, “Been given little or no feedback about your performance?”

As I read the comments, it became clear that many people ignore bullies because they don’t know how to respond to them.  Or at least what to say out loud…But if you don’t deal with them,  of course, they don’t stop - they get worse.  

Kathleen offered some terrific advice the other day about how to play hardball including some “comebacks” from her books, The Secret Handshake and It’s All Politics. 

Here are some other ideas:

1. Enlist allies.  Find others who have also been bullied by the same person and collaborate to plan a strategy about how to respond.  It’s always easier to confront a bully when you have support.
2. Figure out what leverage you may have - is there any action that you can take that will scare the bully into behaving better?  For example,  if he/she is stupid enough to leave an email trail, save the emails (if you think that nobody is that stupid, consider Eliot Spitzer).  Then you can let him/her know that you have documentation that puts him/her/the company at risk.  Note well: don’t back a bully into a corner unless you have proof and are willing to use it.
3. If you don’t think you can prove the bullying behavior and are convinced that the bully is there to stay, plan your exit strategy.  Don’t wait.  If you do, you will be too exhausted and demoralized to put your best foot forward for another position.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, gaining confidence, health issues at work, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate

To listen to the spin the media is putting on it, Silda Spitzer is one weak sister for standing by her cheating husband, Eliot.  The pundits were out in mass today asking how any woman with an ounce of self-respect could put up with a philandering husband — even going so far as to suggest money, power, or security must be at the core of such a decision.  You know, one of the things I like about women is that we don’t desert people at the first hint of scandal or problems in the relationship whether that relationship is  marriage, friendship, or familial.  Unlike many men who bolt or stray when the wife becomes terminally ill, a child is born with a disability, or the wife (God forbid) gains weight, women are loyal — at times to a fault.  I’m not saying Ms. Spitzer should stay with the governor — nor am I saying she should leave.  All I’m saying is that women who provide support to others when they need it most, then make longer-term decisions later after much thought, deliberation, fact-finding or counseling, should be lauded not ridiculed.  They are wonderful examples to their daughters (and sons) for how to handle relationship crises.  Let those among us who are without sin cast the first stone. 

TAGS: Eliot Spitzer, loyalty, Silda Spitzer, stand by your man, women role models

An author’s blog, www.basilandspice.com asked me to write a posting related to women and leadership.  Of course I couldn’t resist the opportunity to get the word out that I believe we live in a time when women’s leadership is not just needed, it’s essential if we want to save the world from war, famine, random acts of violence, corporate greed, etc.  But an interesting thing happened as I was writing it.  I found myself becoming angrier and angrier at just how hard it really is to get women’s voices to the leadership table.  Polls conducted last year indicated that America was more ready for an African American president than a woman.  If you take a look at the polls today it seems they were right.  Only 33% of men voted for Hillary in the primaries.  Then I thought about the Supreme Court, founded in 1790.  That’s 218 years and we can’t do better than one woman and one person of color on a court that decides which laws apply to a mult-cultural society? I won’t even quote the numbers of women on corporate boards and in CEO positions — we all know how lousy those figures are.  What’s a woman to do?  She’s to make her voice heard by courageously challenging the status quo.  If we aren’t part of the solution, we’re part of the problem.  I’m not suggesting that we make better leaders than men, but I do know we make different leaders.  For too long we’ve bought into the nonsense that what makes us different makes us less effectual in leadership roles.  Oh yeah?  Tell that to Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Meg Whitman, Indira Gandhi, Wilma Mankiller, and Rosa Parks.  Just remember this — every time you back down because someone suggests you’re being too emotional, too aggressive, not aggressive enough, or not qualified because you’re a woman you collude with a system that wants to maintain status quo (that’s what a system is — something that perpetuates itself).  The only possible reason why people would want to hold you back or keep you quiet is because you’re right — and baby, that means you’re powerful.  It’s like I told the guy on line behind me in Trader Joe’s the other day who was making nasty remarks about my Hillary for President cap (it was a bad hair day):  I don’t care if Hillary or Obama wins the election — anyone but another old white man. 

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court, women and power, women leaders

 Elizabeth Keathley explained yesterday in a piece she wrote for Women’s ENews that the challenge women face with regard to being “womanly” and yet still competent has affected Hillary Clinton’s campaign.  And, in case you don’t believe it,  Tuesday’s  Wall Street Journal ’s  (paid site) front page article THE DECIDERS: White Men Hold Key for Democrats  detailed depressing evidence of both gender and racial bias.

So, yes, it’s a puzzle.   The good news is that the attention this issue is getting this year will help women to understand that it’s not their just their imagination they struggle with getting the respect they deserve at work (for example, have you ever suggested an idea at a meeting that was ignored until it was brought up again by a male colleague?)  So, what to do?

Change perceptions, one person at  time.  Think about the people with whom you are interacting.  What do you know (or can you learn)  about what keeps them up at night? Most people are not consciously biased; they (both men and women)  are simply looking out for their own best interests.  To influence them,  you must help them to realize that they will be better off with you in a leadership role than not.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career goals, Hillary Clinton, personal branding, Self-trust, stereotypes, The Wall Street Journal