Tracy Clark-Flory of Salon’s Broadsheet reported on an interesting new study last week by Dutch researchers. It showed women who changed their last names when they married ─ either taking their husband’s names or hyphenating their original name with their husband’s were seen as more caring, more dependent and more emotional than women who kept their own names. They were also perceived as less competent and less ambitious. Hmmm…

My husband and I celebrated our thirty second wedding anniversary last week too (on April 15 -  we selected tax day in the U.S. so that there would be no excuse to forget the date!). When we first married, I made a point to use my maiden name as my middle name in an attempt to hedge the decision I’d made to take his name. As the years went by, using both became too burdensome and I dropped my given name from my moniker. And last year, my husband told me that we’d made a mistake ─ we should have both taken my name because it is shorter and easier to spell and pronounce!  Just one of the many reasons we’ve stayed married for thirty two years…

Yes, the study was done in the Netherlands with a small sample and more research needs to be done to draw a conclusion about the impact changing her name has on working women. Yet it is interesting to think that stereotypes about women in the workplace, even in 2010, might be triggered by a decision so personal ─ and, as far as competency and ambition are concerned, so completely irrelevant.

TAGS: LinkedIn, Marriage, names, Salon

Those who are seen as able to quickly bounce back after encountering difficulty are more likely to keep their jobs in difficult economic times according to a recent study conducted by Accenture, the global consulting firm. The study, Women Leaders and Resilience: Perspectives from the C-Suite, surveyed over 500 senior executives from 20 countries, found that 71% report that resilience ─ the ability to overcome challenges and turn them into opportunities ─ is extremely important when determining whom to retain. And, women were viewed as slightly more resilient than men (53% to 51%). Not surprisingly, there were regional and generational differences as well as variances in what the study termed as “resilience attitudes” ─ proficiency, confidence and team work.

What stood out to me were the low confidence numbers – in North America, Europe and Asia Pacific, women just aren’t perceived by the corporate leaders to be as confident as men.  On the other hand, women were seen as team players.  So the question remains how can women be seen as confident without being characterized as individualistic?  A true thin pink line conundrum.

Some ideas:

• Gather input from others but don’t be reluctant to make a decision.
  When you are in a leadership role, the buck stops with you.  Claim the authority that comes with your responsibility.

• Don’t “awfulize”.
  When you make a mistake, and you will if you are taking appropriate risk, it’s probably not as bad as you think it is.  Put things in perspective.

• Surround yourself with supporters.
  Build a strategic network of people who have your best interests at heart and will bolster your confidence if it sags.

The bottom line is that when you have confidence in yourself, others will see you as resilient. And everybody loves a comeback!

TAGS: gaining confidence, LinkedIn, Women and confidence

A nearly 5.9 aftershock in Haiti yesterday, nine days after the poorest nation in the western hemisphere was hit by a catastrophic 7.o earthquake that the United Nations calls one of the deadliest on record.  This disaster hit a country already barely functional and poses an infinitely tougher relief challenge because there is no infrastructure. 

I searched for a sense – a measureable sense – of how America’s businesses are responding to this global need called Haiti Relief.  I came across this Wall Street Journal/BLOG.  BigLaw props for “stepping up to the plate and providing aid when major disasters strike.” It’s true: when it comes to disaster help — and charitable giving more generally — big law firms time and time again rise to the occasion.  And in regard to the Haiti earthquake, it’s no different.”  http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2010/01/20/biglaw-stepping-up-on-haiti-aid/ .  Big law firms are practicing aggregate donating.  The list is growing.  The effort’s worthy.  And that deserves mentioning.   

The American Red Cross says that cash is best right now if you want to help Haiti.  Donations of other items will be better known in the days and weeks to come.  Right now distributing available water and food to survivors is what’s needed – and finally is happening.  Collect and store whatever you and your family, organization, or community might want to gather to send to Haiti.  Relief workers there are putting together planned distributions throughout the island nation because dropping supplies from the air or distributing without security in place could cause riots and add to an already desperately fragile civil order.  “Trying to jump start the economy in Haiti, the United Nations Development Programme hired 400 Haitians, paying them cash to help deliver supplies. By the end of the week, the organization hopes to pay 700 more people to remove debris, repair roads and rehabilitate other infrastructure”. http://www.miamiherald.com/1060/story/1435672.html

In the midst of any calamity – there are always opportunists.  Haiti is no different.  In fact, Haiti could be the poster child for being a prime target of scammers.  Three million people – a third of the country’s population – need help.  50% of Haiti’s population is under the age of 18.  Those facts, those pictures remind us of Katrina and the Tsunami devastation and tug at our collective humanity.  The world is responding with cash donations of unprecedented magnitude.  Scammers are having a feeding frenzy.

Don’t let the frenzy frighten you out of giving money.  There are absolutely good and secure organizations and ways of doing this.  One is through the advances in technology that allow instant giving via cell phone.  Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the American Red Cross confirm more than $3.6 million has been raised through text-giving which automatically adds $10 to your cell phone bill.

Text the word “HAITI” and send to 90999. 

Less than 20 seconds later you’ll receive Free Msg:  To confirm your $10 donation to Red Cross Haiti relief efforts reply with YES.  Reply HELP for help or visit redcross.org.  Text the word “YES” reply and less than 20 seconds later you’ll receive Free Msg:  Thanks!  $10 charged t your phone bill for Red Cross Haiti relief.  Reply ELP for help or visit redcross.org Reply STOP to cancel.

If each of you reading this would consider reaching for your mobile phone right now – together we can make a difference – easily, yet nonetheless heartfelt.  In my mind, what matters is that each of us chooses to do something financially – now.  And if for whatever reason, you choose not to give to Haiti relief – give something to someone in need – but do it now.  That allows us all to be included in a common moment of responding to our humanity through collective economic power. 

Here’s to your health and sharing wealth.

TAGS: aggregate donating, American Red Cross, Haiti Relief, scammers

A reader writes:

I am a woman working with a big male-dominated team (30+ members) in an IT company. Only four in the entire team are women. The male colleagues often hang out together, have Friday parties and often short picnics. When any new male member joins the team, he is invited to the parties immediately. Once, a female colleague tried joining them, but she was immensely discouraged.

I understand that they discuss team politics and issues in these parties, and often make comments about the female colleagues. Often, they share their opinions about others in the team and “office news” too. This leads to a huge informal information flow between the males from which the females have been kept out.

This has led to a situation where I and my female colleagues are feeling quite left out. The male colleagues feel like they are buddies, and I am fairly sure their interaction is influencing some important decisions within the team on work sharing, appraisals and promotions.

I would like to hear your advice on how to deal with such a situation.

You sound frustrated and I can certainly empathize. The men in your office certainly do seem to be excluding women from their informal gatherings and, if that is the case, it is insensitive at best and potentially illegal at worst.  So, what to do?

Because I don’t know enough about the company culture, the personalities or the history about how and why this situation evolved, I can offer only some general advice:

1. Don’t over-exaggerate the value of these “boys’ nights”. They may be a lot less worth attending than they seem and it’s hard to know what really goes on since you’re not there. The true impact may only be a hang-over.
2. It’s hard to be comfortable in a group when you know you’re not wanted so don’t push too hard to be invited to the informal gatherings the guys organize. Imagine how you and the women with whom you work will feel even if you do get invited ─ just because you are in the room doesn’t mean you’ll be welcome. Nor does it mean that your male colleagues will share information with you. In fact, trying to push your way in (even if you were successful somehow, which is highly unlikely) could result in increased tension.
3. For the reason explained in #2, a sincere invitation is the only one worth anything. If you are convinced that you and the women with whom you work are missing out on important information, how can you wrangle a sincere invitation? Is there one man who is the leader, either officially or unofficially? If so, perhaps you or one of your female colleagues who has a good relationship with him could have a conversation with him about the situation to better understand what’s going on, why and what to do about it. Perhaps other women can also reach out to other men they think they can influence.
4. If you are convinced you will be retired before you receive a sincere invitation to “boys’ night”, why not organize your own gathering but invite your male colleagues? Be sure to approach your male colleagues as individuals, leaning on existing relationships to improve the chances that they’ll attend.
5. I’m not sure how their interaction is influencing appraisals and promotions unless management is also attending these gatherings; in that case, you and your female colleagues may want to have a conversation with the boss to apprise him of your collective concerns. If things continue as they are after that conversation, you may want to alert your HR department.

Readers, any other ideas?

TAGS: excluded, inclusion, LinkedIn, tough situation

From June Cleaver to Hillary Clinton, Gail Collins‘ new book, When Everything Changed, reminds us of both how much everything has changed for American women in the last 50 years ─ and just how little. Collins writes skillfully about the “olden” days when a glamour career for a woman was to be a stewardess and when the reason most women went to college to get a “Mrs.”.

As accessible as she is on the Op-Ed page of the New York Times, and as wryly funny, Collins illustrates the historical facts with the stories of real women including those whose names we all know (Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama) as well as those we would probably not know unless we read her book.

What Collins does particularly well though is to highlight that there still isn’t gender parity in America’s workplaces or homes. She ends on a note that celebrates how far we’ve come with a reality check – the gender pay gap still exists, too few women serve as CEOs or sit on corporate boards and the work-life balance conundrum has yet to be resolved.

When Everything Changed is an inspiring book.  If we have forgotten the sacrifices and struggles of women who blazed the trail and take the fact that they changed the world, we should be reminded.  And even if we haven’t, Collins shows us that we have miles to go before we sleep.

Let’s get busy!

And please, after you’ve read When Everything Changed, comment here about what you will do differently as a result.

TAGS: Gail Collins, LinkedIn

Many years ago, a much cherished friend gave me the nickname “Valuable”.  It was her way of respecting my Mom’s wish that my given name of Valerie not be shortened (though Val is quite fine with me) – while simultaneously delighting her by creating such a complimentary substitution. 

This same friend is the one who showed me by her example - this most valuable life lesson:  once we have the freedom to re-invent ourselves, it opens up a buffet of choices. 

Her menu has always been varied.  She has successfully and deliberately re-invented what she chooses to do with her time but more importantly, re-evaluated how she felt about herself with each change.   Her career started working at the beginning of the life cycle – as a nurse midwife.  She was present for the birth of both of my daughters.  Her career now post, raising children, surving widowed and the grandmother to a growing nest – is as a geriatric medical specialist.  

In the midst of the lives we live – there is always change.  Remembering my friend’s valuable life lesson has always helped me (eventually) see a bigger menu – a buffet of choices.  It does again as we are changing and starting to feel the beginning cycle of a recovering economy. 

I believe that in the midst of this infant recovery are important generational change characteristics about personal money and what people are choosing to do with it.  Call them the characteristics of new philanthropists in which cultural changes are rampant. 

Younger generations are re-inventing the reasons, ways and to whom they tithe; looking for a return on their investment when it comes to which not-for-profits they support and commit to sustain as their assets and incomes grow.  Charitable giving is coming of a valuable new age and new philanthropists – however rich or modest their financial circumstances – want to see the good of their assets rather than just feeling good about their actions. 

This new mindset is real and worthy.  It will require each of us to commit to seeing/reassessing/recalculating where everybody is now when it comes to money relations.  The old “we’ve always done it this way” formula doesn’t work anymore.  Financial sustainability has new metrics these days and for the future.

The challenge:  each of us must figure out how to move the financial people in our respective lives into the new money direction we each need – and do it without getting everyone’s back up.  A buffet of choices on how to do that is available to you.  Get creative.  Talk with your lenders, creditors and other financial services representatives in your money house and get your money needs recalculated.  It’s doable.  It’s worthy.  It’s valuable. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

TAGS: charitable giving, philanthropy, Re-inventing money disciplines, recovering economy

According to the BBC, the title of Sarah Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue, is derived from accusations that while campaigning as John McCain’s running mate, she pursued her own agenda. Regardless of how Ms. Palin deals with those charges in the book (might she deny them?), it is clear that many times people do “go rogue”.

Twice in the last few days, I’ve heard stories from women who are struggling with direct reports who refuse to play the game according to the rules.

In one case, the woman is relatively new to a senior job in IT; the person who’s causing her to lose sleep goes around her to discuss his concerns about the priorities she’s set directly with her boss. In the other, a lawyer is receiving work from an associate working with her is so shoddy that she is spending way too much time redoing it.

If you’re facing something like this, how do you handle it?

• Do not ignore the situation. This is not something that you can expect will resolve itself; you must take action. When this topic came up during the research we conducted for Her Place at the Table , not once did a woman we interviewed say, “I wish I had ignored a person I suspected of trying to undermine me longer.”  Au contraire! They said, “I didn’t want to shake things up.” or “I had so much to do that I decided I’d deal with her when things were more settled.”, or “I hoped he would get on board.” And they all said that they had made a mistake.

• Consider what may be driving the behavior. It may be that she/he is consciously trying to undermine you or that they are merely oblivious to the havoc they wreak. If the former, what do you think is his end game? If the latter, you can clear it up by having a clarifying conversation.

• If you’re sure that the person in acting intentionally, devise a plan. Decide whether to discuss the behavior directly with him/her or instead to discuss the situation with your boss. She may not realize what is going on; you can ask her to modify her behavior by re-directing/rebuffing the culprit.

When the first woman described above told her boss what was going on, he said, “I didn’t realize! Next time he comes to me, I’ll tell him that I’d prefer to get ‘updates’ directly from you.”

In the other case, she used her positional power as supervisor to call a meeting. She provide specific feedback regarding the poor work and was clear that the quality had to be improved. She was careful not to dilute her message by apologizing at any time during the conversation and unequivocally stated that she would have to replace him on the matter unless she saw immediate improvement. The jury is still out on this one but she is cautiously optimistic.

Readers, have you faced this challenge? How did you handle it?

TAGS: giving feedback, LinkedIn, managing difficult people

One of the best things you can do to reach the “corner office” is to be included in a leadership development program your company sponsors for high potential talent. Some of these programs are internal, others are outsourced but regardless of where they’re held or how much work is involved with preparing for it, make sure you are considered when the opportunity comes along. Why?

• You stand to learn a lot about yourself and how you are viewed by others

• You will have the opportunity to step back from the day-to-day to reflect on what you are doing that is working as well as what you want to change

• You’ll be tagged as a high potential leader as a result of your selection

Apropos of the thin pink line, however, research shows that you, as a woman, may not be top of mind when these highly coveted ─ and competitive ─ spots become available.  According to an analysis done by Development Dimensions International, men are more likely than women to be enrolled in both early career leadership development programs as well as executive level development programs.

Source: Development Dimensions International

Ann Howard, Chief Scientist for DDI is clear about the problem this causes for women who aspire to the top, “If they (women) don’t make it into these programs, their chances for an executive promotion are slim, and they don’t know it until it’s too late.”

So how can you best position yourself to be selected?

• Do your homework
  Learn everything you can about the program. When is it held? Where? What the criteria is for inclusion? Who makes the decisions?

• Assess your chances, shore up as needed
  What are your current chances of being selected? If they’re not as good as you’d like, what can you do to improve them? For example, do you know a Program Alumuni you could ask for advice? Do you have a Sponsor who might be able to put in a good word on your behalf?

• Raise your hand high!
  Do not be a shrinking violet, sitting on the sidelines until some ne invites you to the party. Follow the formal process the company has outlined for those who wish to be considered and make it clear that you are ready, willing and able.

Readers, have you been involved with a leadership development program? What was your experience? What impact did it have on your career?

TAGS: Developing your skills, Leadership, LinkedIn

I was inspired by my colleague Carol Frohlinger’s The “Pink Elephant” in the Room (July 27th 2009) post about how important our personal perceptions and experiences when confronted with a difficult issue.  She went on to say that might be what happens when women are asked about their experiences in working with other women.

The phrase (pink) “elephant in the room” describes something that should be very obvious, something you’d certainly notice.  “Elephant in the room” is actually an English idiom for an obvious truth regarding a question, problem, solution, or controversial issue that though obvious, is ignored by a group of people and goes unaddressed, generally out of embarrassment or taboo.

One of the biggest “pink elephants” in the room for professional women these days – is the one in green that begins with:  “We’d love for you to be our keynote speaker” (workshop leader, seminar facilitator, panelist, consultant) and ends with:  “…but we have very little money, so we thought you might be willing to…”

This long ignored “pink elephant” is making the other members of the herd green with envy.  

How can this elephant not even get talked about?  How is it that this elephant doesn’t get researched, discussed, tweaked and resolved the way most of those other touchy, uncomfortable, “oh-do-we-have-to-go-there” pink elephants (issues) do? 

How can this elephant that asks women professionals to donate their services – same event, same time every year, extremely worthy causes but not paychecks – still be standing in the center of the room when the reason for the gathering is to talk about women improving their financial well-being or managing the marketing of their product and brand to improve their business bottomline?

How can this elephant not understand it needs to walk the thin pink line and pay women professionals for their services and promote that mindset within their organizations?

Women now have impressive social networks and access to other professional women through these connections.  But far too often, we’re still being asked to ask each other to provide our expertise without compensation, or below market value or without the other basic fee for services and terms of engagement automatically afforded our male counterparts.

Part of this has to do with expectations.  Our average guy counterpart just isn’t expected to do as many pro bono gigs as the average professional woman.  That’s why I think it’s time for women to change the old mindset by consistently and proactively committing to pay each other (and get each other paid) for our skills, expertise, knowledge, know-how, ideas and anything else that formerly fell under the  ”we thought you might be willing to” category.

Glinda Bridgforth, a long-time and well respected colleague of mine in the field of personal finance, agrees but says it’s also important that women ask for what we believe we deserve.   Bridgforth is President and CEO of Bridgforth Financial & Associates, LLC (http://www.bridgforthfinancial.com/) and offers these suggestions on how to determine what you’re worth, what your compensation should be. 

“It’s important to get as much information as possible from the potential client,” Bridgforth says.  “Ask what kind of budget they have for a speaker.  Ask who the other speaker candidates are to get a sense of the professional caliber of speaker being sought.  The responses to those two questions give you an indication of the kind of fee the client’s willing to pay.”    Her suggestions can helps you get and set a good ballpark figure instead of guessing and potentially low balling your services or blowing yourself out of consideration.

Bridgforth and I both agree that philanthropy and community service should be part of everyone’s work ethic and responsibility.  “Women can do pro bono or work for lesser compensation on occasion because it is a seed that is being planted which can bloom into some other area,” Bridgforth says.  “Perhaps it can come from someone in the audience who will hire you in the future at your full rate.  But clearly, the pink elephant (in green) is in the room.”

Let’s address the “pink elephant” in green.  Let’s not be embarrassed.  It’s time for women to collectively stop participating in the “pink elephant”-in-green-mentality that abuses, confuses or co-mingles female philanthropy with professional compensation. 

Here’s to your health and wealth.

Glinda Bridgforth is the author of “Girl Get Your Credit Straight” and “Girl Get Your Money Straight”.

TAGS: improving women's financial well-being, pay for professional services, pink elephant issue, Thin pink line issue

Last week’s flap about the arrest of Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr., President Obama‘s reaction to it and the reaction to President Obama‘s reaction made me think about how important our personal perceptions and experiences are when we are confronted with a difficult issue. Regardless of title, role or position, at the end of the day, we react as people – sometimes more emotional than rational. I think that’s what happens when women are asked about their experiences in working with other women.

Take Peggy Klaus’ A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting published in The New York Times in January, 2009 where she raised the topic she refers to as “the pink elephant in the room”. Klaus wrote about the fact that sometimes women mistreat other women in the workplace. While raising the issue caused some to accuse her of perpetrating stereotypes about women behaving badly in the workplace, others were grateful that Klaus had given voice to an issue that had affected them deeply. She wrote a follow up piece this week to respond to the comments and criticisms she received.

There’s a dearth of research on the topic – and while it would be interesting to better understand the undoubtedly complicated factors at work here, the reality is when you, as a women, have to deal with a difficult woman at work it can be challenging because it is difficult to keep your own emotions under control. That’s because we often believe the stereotypes that abound ─that women are, by nature, nurturing and collaborative. While that is true for many women, others don’t fit that bill at all.

What to do when a woman with whom you work does something that upsets you?

1. Don’t respond in the moment ─ step back from the situation.
   In the language of negotiation, it’s called “going to the balcony” where you can access the situation more thoughtfully. Give yourself some time and space to figure out what to do.
2. Examine your reaction ─ ask yourself what you are feeling and why.
   Are you feeling confused? Angry? Fearful? Betrayed? Hurt? Surprised? Be reflective ─ is your reaction reasonable or are you taking something personally that wasn’t meant that way?
3. Determine whether this is an isolated incident or whether there is a pattern.
   If it is the former, you may want to do nothing at the moment, simply chalking it up to a bad day. If the latter, you’ll need to continue with your analysis.
4. Consider her perspective.
   What might be driving the behavior(s) you find troublesome? I know you may be thinking that you don’t care what her point of view is but empathy can go a long way to craft a productive approach to deal with the problem.
5. What action(s) can you take? What are likely to be the consequences of each?
   Here it is important to consider positional power, office politics and the possibility that no matter what you do, she may not modify her behavior.

If you look at the five steps I’ve suggested, you’ll see that they are gender neutral; they’ll be as effective if you are dealing with a difficult male colleague or boss. The benefit is that you’ll be handling a difficult situation effectively and professionally regardless of the sex of the perpetrator. Your career will be the better for it.

TAGS: LinkedIn, stereotypes