Every time I write about couples and money, I get emails from misogynists taking me to task for suggesting males might overspend. Everybody knows, these gentlemen proclaim, that women are the real spendthrifts.

My email bag begs to differ. I hear from plenty of women who despair about their partners’ inability to control their spending.

A recent paper from the folks at the Wharton School sheds some interesting light on the topic. These researchers constructed a “Tightwad to Spendthrift” continuum and invited people to take a test to see where they landed.

• Overall, 24% landed on the “tightwad” end of the spectrum, which basically means that they find it painful to spend money.  The researchers proposed “that an anticipatory pain of paying drives ‘tightwads’ to spend less than they would ideally like to spend.”
• In contrast, the 15% of respondents who wound up in the “spendthrift” category ”experience too little pain of paying and typically spend more than they would ideally like to spend.”
• The rest of those polled (60%) wound up in the “unconflicted” category. (That doesn’t mean they don’t have money issues, credit card debt or inadequate savings, by the way; it just means that in the hypothetical situations they spent neither more or less than they considered ideal.)

Interestingly, women in the survey were just as likely to be defined as tightwads (20%) as they were spendthrifts (19%). But men were far more likely to be tightwads (29%) than they were spendthrifts (11%).

Of course, this is just one study of self-selected participants who found their way to the Internet test and spent the time to take it. That falls a bit short of the rigor one would expect of scientific polling.

Still, it’s food for thought. What I found more interesting than the gender differences was the fact that so many more people, men and women, wound up on the tightwad end of the scale than on the spendthrift side. For all the attention given to impulse spending and compulsive shoppers, these results indicate that many folks are–as the researchers put it–”frustratingly unable to indulge themselves.”

The key to successful money management is balance, and many people don’t have it. Whether you spend too much or too little, it’s worth the time and effort to address your financial issues.

TAGS: compulsive spending, differences between women and men, spendthrift, tightwad, Women and Money

Marci Alboher’s Shifting Careers New York Times blog post last week cited the same Penelope Trunk blog post mentioned here regarding transparency with regard to compensation. Marci wrote:

A few months ago, I went to hear Gloria Steinem speak. She said many memorable things, including this: If women were more willing to reveal their salaries to one another, they would make strides in eliminating the gender gap in wages.

She then asked for readers who are in situations where their salaries are either “published” or reasonably transparent to comment. As you can imagine, a lively discussion ensued. Themes I noted:

• people who work in environments where compensation information is available are fine with it — it doesn’t seem to bother them except when they feel that coworkers are taking advantage of the protection they have as a result of being unionized or government workers
• many believe that secrecy benefits the company (whose managers may be making subjective decisions free from scrutiny) and those who are highly paid, disadvantaging others including women
• lots of people just don’t want to know — the idea that a coworker who produces less is being paid more cause all kinds of problems for them.

Yet, knowledge is power. Research shows that women who have solid data can more effectively negotiate for themselves. While you may not be comfortable asking your colleagues how much money they make, do your homework. Some sites to check:

• www.payscale.com
• www.salary.com
• www.glassdoor.com

Also, consider other ways to scout for information. Check, for example, to see if there is a salary survey published for your industry. Also take a look at job message boards (Vault is one of my favorites). Join an industry association where you’ll be able to meet other people who do the same sort of work that you do. You don’t have to ask them straight out how much money they make; instead, position your inquiry as a more general question, for example, “What information can you share with me about the salary range for my position at your company?”

One of the readers commented that in Norway there is complete transparency with regard to earnings - evidently there is a database where income (and the amount of tax paid!) is available. Hmmm, maybe we have to move there to close the gender gap in pay?

TAGS: Equal pay, Marci Alboher, negotiating pay, Pay Disparity, Penelope Trunk

Maybe you need to go public with them.

Writing down your goals helps make them real. Sharing them with others makes you accountable.

If you really want to go for it, consider entering the “Pay Yourself First” contest I’m co-hosting with FNBO Direct, the online arm of the First National Bank of Omaha.

You enter by creating a brief, 1-minute video explaining what you’re saving for, then upload the video to a special YouTube site. (You’ll find it by clicking the “Enter Now” button on the Pay Yourself First site.)

Just entering wins you a $10 Amazon gift card. Twenty finalists will get $500, and the five final challengers–whose progress toward their savings goals will be chronicled on the site for six months–will get a dollar-for-dollar match of their savings up to $5,000.

The grand prize winner gets a fabulous spa vacation.

The deadline for entries is July 31. Even if you don’t enter, you can check out the videos and follow the progress of the challengers when that phase of the contest begins Oct. 6.

TAGS: savings

At some point, many of us will face the onerous task of emptying out our parents’ or other elderly relatives’ homes–either because they’ve died or they’ve moved into assisted living.

It’s a huge job, and it often falls to women: often the daughters, sometimes the daughters-in-law or, as was recently the case of our family, to the sisters.

Trying to deal with a house packed with stuff is a struggle when your life is already a busy one, with a career, children and a spouse to juggle. At best, it’s a big time drain and a distraction. Add in the emotional trauma, the exhaustion of caring for the elderly relative and perhaps some sibling tension, and you’ve got the recipe for a traumatic experience.

Appraiser Julie Hall says it doesn’t have to be a nightmare, though, and I agree after reading her excellent book, “The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.” I interviewed her recently and captured some of her best advice for my recent MSN column, “How to get rid of your folks’ stuff.”

She has practical ideas for managing the actual clear-out, but some of her best tips have to do with prevention. If it’s too late to help your folks, help your kids by:

• Decluttering now. If you haven’t used it in a year, get rid of it. Sites like Unclutterer.com can help provide tips and motivation.
• Give away heirlooms while you’re alive to enjoy the reaction.
• Make a master list of who gets what. You need a will, of course, but you won’t necessarily list every item of sentimental or financial value there. Create a master list and get your kids’ input of who wants what, then you make any hard decisions, so they won’t have to.

TAGS: parents, women, Women and Money

With all the talk of economic instability, it may seem untoward to be thinking about how to ask for a raise but if you have demonstrated the value you bring to your company, it very well may be feasible.  In fact, smart companies are more likely to want to keep their top talent satisfied in challenging times.

The May/June issue of Pink Magazine (cited here before) included 2007 survey results which indicated that 51% of women had asked for a raise, perk or promotion (down from 54% in 2006).  And it paid to ask - of those who did, 79% heard “yes”.

When you get ready to broach the subject, start by benchmarking what you should be paid.  Penelope Trunk (The Brazen Careerist) mentioned a few online sources she recommends in a recent post. This step is critical for women who get much better outcomes when they negotiate for themselves armed with good information. 

TAGS: Economy, income, income disparity, negotiating pay, Negotiation, negotiation skills, Penelope Trunk, recession, strategies for success, Women and Money, women's equality

A 20-something woman recently asked what I thought about borrowing from her 401K plan to take a vacation.  She said she was about $1,000 short for the trip and, since she was only going to borrow this amount for a short time and then repay it, didn’t see the downside of doing so.  As I told her —  DON’T DO IT.  Your 401K monies should be considered off-limits for anything except a dire emergency (in which case you may be able to take a “hardship withdrawal”).  You  may have the best of intentions for repaying it, but things always come up and, if retirement is a ways off for you, it’s going to be easy to rationalize foregoing payment.  In addition, for every day you have money withdrawn from your plan, you’re missing out on having that money work for you. 

My suggestion to her was to save up for the trip of her dreams without reducing the amount she put into her 401K.  If it was only $1,000 that she needed, and knew that she was going to be able to pay that amount back in a short time, then it shouldn’t take her long to save it.  Once she has the money in hand up she can take the trip guilt-free and really enjoy it. 

Your 401K is for retirement, period.  With any luck you’re going to live to be an old lady and it’s better to be a rich old lady who learned to postpone immediate pleasure for long-term gain, than a poor one with nothing but fond memories.   

TAGS: 401K, retirement planning, retirement savings, vacations

A 2007 salary.com survey, “What Is Mom’s Job Worth?”, reveals that the duties performed by stay-at-home Moms could be billed out at over $138,000 annually.  And for Moms who work outside the home as well as inside?  Well, the work you do just at home or related to family is worth over $85,000 on the open market.  We all know that a Mom’s efforts are priceless, but if you would like to figure out how much your work is worth go to the Mom Salary Wizard at www.mom.salary.com. 

TAGS: Stay at home Moms, the value of stay at home Moms, women's work

Say the word “sales” and most of us think about saving money at our favorite shops.  But have you considered a career in sales? Not only is there good money to be made in certain sales jobs but women are great at selling when they get over the idea they have to be pushy or aggressive.  Pharmaceutical sales is a great way for nurses to up their incomes by selling drugs to doctors, hospitals, etc.  A number of years ago car dealers realized more and more women are purchasing cars on their own and started hiring more female salespeople. 

When it comes to reading people, women have the advantage hands down.  The problem is we do it so unconsciously that we often don’t use the skill to our advantage.  We’re also good a building relationships but don’t like to mix money and relationships.  And then of course there are those women who think it’s somehow unfeminine to want to “get rich.”  To you I say, build a bridge and get over it.  Here are just a few tips for how you can capitalize on your unique gifts in the world of work:

1. Know your product inside and out.  Unlike men, women are all too willing to say “I don’t know” in response to a question.  Honesty is always the best policy, but when you have to admit you don’t have an answer it doesn’t instill confidence in the buyer.  Get around this by learning the technical specifications, competitive advantage, and other data related to your product.  Even being able to say, “85% of our business comes from repeat satisfied customers” makes you sound like the expert.
2. Hone your verbal communication skills.  Women often make communication mistakes such as speaking too quietly, using filler-words like um, uh, and ah, and using too many words when fewer would do.  May women report Toastmasters International (www.toastmasters.org) has helped them to communicate with more confidence. 
3. Put words to your observations.  For example, “I can see that he has a concern about the price.  Let me put that out there and see if we can work around it.” 
4. Set financial targets and aggressively pursue them.  Put aside any thought that the intent to live a rich life (having all the money you need to live your life the way you want free from concerns about money) is in any way unfeminine.  Anyone  willing to work hard and earn it is entitled to life’s riches. 

TAGS: careers in sales, pharmaceutical sales, sales jobs

I’ve often thought it odd that people seem to be more reluctant to talk about their income than their sex lives-but that may be changing.  The NY Times reported yesterday that young people are more likely to share information about salary information (see Not-So-Personal Finance).  This trend is good news for women; the more women know about what others are making, the more likely they are to ask for what they are worth.

As you may know, the gender gap in pay affects not only older women but younger women as well.  For example, starting salaries of men with MBAs are 7.6% higher than those for women. Only 7% of women, but 57% of men asked for more money; those who negotiated increased starting salaries by 7.4%.

One of the things that makes the difference for women is good information.  So, keep up the sharing!

TAGS: differences between women and men, Fairness at work, financial planning, gaining confidence, negotiating pay, negotiation skills, Pay Disparity, Women at Work, women's equality

There was a great article in the Los Angeles Times, Shopping While Drinking: Retail Happy Hour.  I hadn’t realized how common it had become for women — particularly single, child-free women — to pour a glass of wine and shop online.  I’m sure I’m guilty of a few BUI’s, but I don’t make a habit of it and I don’t recommend you do it too often either.  As Donna Summer told us way back when, we work “hard for the money.” Rather than fritter away your hard-earned dollars here are a few tips for enjoying the fruits of your labors — now and in retirement.

1. When you finish working on your home computer turn it off.  You’re less likely to power it up again just to online shop.
2. Give yourself a monthly online shopping budget.  Of course this is from money left after you’ve funded your retirement and, as Liz Weston calls it, FU (forget you) accounts. 
3. If you’re going to shop online, look for coupons and promo codes.  You’ve probably noticed these when you check out and wondered how to get them. Go to www.bradsdeals.com and you’ll find a link for coupons to some popular shopping sites.  I found a $25 off coupon for McCormick and Schmick that didn’t require you to sit through a pitch for a vacation timeshare. 
4. Do your online shopping before you pour that drink.  Alcohol negatively impacts perception and self-control — a lethal combination for BUI. 
5. If, like some of the women in the article, you find packages arriving at your home that you don’t remember ordering because you had one drink too many, you may have a drinking problem and shouldn’t be BUI at all.  Alcoholics Anonymous can help.  Similarly, there are 12 step groups for compulsive spenders and shoppers that you can learn more about online. 

TAGS: alcoholics anonymous, bargains, compulsive spending, happy hour, internet shopping, Los Angeles Times, shopping