As I listened to Barack Omaba denounce Jeremiah Wright last week, I was reminded of how difficult it is to walk away from a relationship that was once good and is now bad.
Thankfully, when most of us face the decision about cutting someone loose, we have the luxury to grapple privately with the “when” and “how” to do it yet the “if” is still a struggle. How do you know when a relationship has become toxic? Is there an acid test? I think there is - when the other person doesn’t consider your interests, only her own, even when you have made it clear that your needs are not being met.
Consider these situations: (more…)
TAGS: career derailments, communication, gaining confidence, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, politics at work, relationship chips, self-help, Self-trust
But you’ve got to say “no” sometimes and accept that the other person isn’t going to be happy. I had to do it twice last week — and I did not enjoy it. Nonetheless, I realized that my interests would not be met if I said yes.
One of the ways women can get in our own way is to try to make others happy at our own expense. Way too often we are so focused on building relationships with others that we forget that we too should expect — and get — consideration. (more…)
TAGS: Building workplace relationships, communication, Communication Skills, negotiation skills, Political skills, Risk-taking, ways to work healthy, women, women and power, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders
Way too often, people interview for jobs that, if they really understood what the “day-to-day” reality of the job is, they’d run the other way. And, thankfully less often but much more damaging, they actually take the job.
Believe me, you do yourself (and your prospective employer) a favor when you ask questions of whomever interviews you about what exactly you will be doing. Then listen carefully to the answers. Compare the answers you may get from the recruiter with those you get from the hiring manager or those who actually work in the department. Get clarifications as needed to figure out the real story.
I am not suggesting that you can expect to be delighted with each and every aspect of a role but you should like at least most of them. In Her Place at the Table, we call this “drilling down.” Women sometimes avoid doing it because they don’t want to hurt their chances to get the job or for a host of other reasons. But the worst thing is being surprised when you start the job.
TAGS: Coaching Tips, communication, disconnects, Women at Work
When I write about a disconnects between what a presidential candidate says and what he or she does, even to be helpful, it elicits a lot of negativity about how nonverbal behavior doesn’t matter in an election. There are a lot of people who think this is superficial stuff. But communication is what we use to determine who we vote for — how well they convey their ideas and whether we sense that they are being authentic. What good is a president who has good ideas but who can’t communicate them or whose actions contradict them?
As Lois wrote about with regard to smiling, people sense when something isn’t quite right in communication even if they can’t articulate why. They sense disconnects between what is being said and how it is being said. And they don’t believe the person. Persuasion fails.
The good thing about disconnects is seeing them in another person’s communication allows us to pause and reflect. People sensitive to them experience a kind of “red-flag alert” — a signal to think before continuing to talk. When you sense a disconnect between verbal and nonverbal communication at work, you should ask yourself: Is something awry with this relationship? Are things changing around here? Have I misspoken or gone too far somehow? Count to five. That’s how political intuition begins to develop.
If people as polished as politicians reveal disconnects imagine how many the rest of us are sending out there!
Kathleen
TAGS: communication, disconnects, nonverbal, politics at work
Way too often, people interview for jobs that, if they really understood what the “day-to-day” reality of the job is, they’d run the other way. And, thankfully less often but much more damaging, they actually take the job.
Believe me, you do yourself (and your prospective employer) a favor when you ask questions of whomever interviews you about what exactly you will be doing. Then listen carefully to the answers. Compare the answers you may get from the recruiter with those you get from the hiring manager or those who actually work in the department. Get clarifications as needed to figure out the real story.
I am not suggesting that you can expect to be delighted with each and every aspect of a role but you should like at least most of them. In Her Place at the Table, we call this “drilling down.” Women sometimes avoid doing it because they don’t want to hurt their chances to get the job or for a host of other reasons. But the worst thing is being surprised when you start the job.
TAGS: Coaching Tips, communication, disconnects, Women at Work
