I’ll never forget my experience with a truly bad colleague. The warning signs were there but I just didn’t believe them.

I was part of a team of people who interviewed her before she was hired. She impressed me — experienced, intelligent, knowledgeable, and witty.  With no reservations, I recommended that she be hired. To my boss’s dismay, she turned down the job. A couple of months later, however, she was back. She said she had made a mistake, that the position (it was still open!) was indeed a good fit and asked us to renew the offer we’d made. My boss was hesitant but I felt so strongly that she was a great choice that I talked him into it.

Things were fine for a while. Then we started to work together on a client engagement she was leading because it was squarely in her area of expertise. Part of the project included interviewing client senior executives regarding the Company’s strategy, current situation as well as learning more about the challenges they faced. She agreed to create “interview guides” that we would both use so that the approach we used to gather data would be consistent as well as the data itself. She failed to deliver and when I told her I was concerned that I didn’t have the experience to “wing it”, she assured me that I could observe as she conducted the first few sessions so that I could learn the methodology. Not wanting to make waves, I agreed. (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, colleagues, difficult economy, gaining confidence, sabotage, Women at Work

Emotions ─ and our ability to control them ─ make all the difference in our negotiations.  And, the more important the negotiation is to us, the more challenging to manage our emotions.  I had a personal experience recently when my temper flared and, as a result, I didn’t get the outcome I wanted.  Yes, I knew better but still fell into the emotion trap.

Deepak Malhotra, Gillian Ku and J. Keith Murnighan’s Harvard Business Review article, “When Winning Is Everything” (May, 2008) discussed the problems negotiators face when they get so emotionally invested in besting the other party that their judgment suffers.  These experts isolate three drivers of what they call “competitive arousal”:

1. intense rivalry, especially when there is “history” between the parties
2. time pressure, a ticking clock increases anxiety
3. being in the spotlight, negotiating while others watch

Dan Ariely’s fascinating book, “Predictably Irrational” also discusses the risk we take when we underestimate the power of emotion; the decisions we make “in the heat of the moment” not only differ than those we make when we are cool, calm and collected but can get us in all sorts of trouble. (more…)

TAGS: business communication, competition, Dan Ariely, Deepak Malhotra, gaining confidence, Gillian Ku, Harvard Business Review, J. Keith Murnighan, negotiation skills, Self-trust

As I listened to Barack Omaba denounce Jeremiah Wright last week, I was reminded of how difficult it is to walk away from a relationship that was once good and is now bad.

Thankfully, when most of us face the decision about cutting someone loose, we have the luxury to grapple privately with the “when” and “how” to do it yet the “if” is still a struggle.  How do you know when a relationship has become toxic? Is there an acid test? I think there is – when the other person doesn’t consider your interests, only her own, even when you have made it clear that your needs are not being met. 

Consider these situations: (more…)

TAGS: career derailments, communication, gaining confidence, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, politics at work, relationship chips, self-help, Self-trust

I’ve often thought it odd that people seem to be more reluctant to talk about their income than their sex lives-but that may be changing.  The NY Times reported yesterday that young people are more likely to share information about salary information (see Not-So-Personal Finance).  This trend is good news for women; the more women know about what others are making, the more likely they are to ask for what they are worth.

As you may know, the gender gap in pay affects not only older women but younger women as well.  For example, starting salaries of men with MBAs are 7.6% higher than those for women. Only 7% of women, but 57% of men asked for more money; those who negotiated increased starting salaries by 7.4%.

One of the things that makes the difference for women is good information.  So, keep up the sharing!

TAGS: differences between women and men, Fairness at work, financial planning, gaining confidence, negotiating pay, negotiation skills, Pay Disparity, Women at Work, women's equality

Recently, I gave a talk at the Atlanta Women’s Network Women Up 2008 event.  It was a wonderful experience for me to work with people who worked so well with one another.   

They asked me to provide 3 key words about negotiation that would coordinate with their principles (in bold):

 ”I am able.”

We’ve been taught that there are rules for business and that these rules are absolute:  always ~ never. Applying artificial rules makes a difficult situation even more stressful.

We are able to succeed at negotiation by retaining authenticity.  Authenticity yields confidence. (more…)

TAGS: atlanta women, authenticity, Building workplace relationships, gaining confidence, negotiators, relationship

Have you been bullied at work?  If so, you’re not alone. 

Tara Parker-Pope reported in her NY Times column last week that 37% of Americans have been bullied on the job.   Her blog, Well, offered a quiz to help you figure out whether you were a victim of bullying. 

It was fairly obvious that you have been bullied if you answer “yes” to some of the questions,  for example, “Been yelled at or shouted at in a hostile manner?” Others were more subtle, “Been given little or no feedback about your performance?”

As I read the comments, it became clear that many people ignore bullies because they don’t know how to respond to them.  Or at least what to say out loud…But if you don’t deal with them,  of course, they don’t stop – they get worse.  

Kathleen offered some terrific advice the other day about how to play hardball including some “comebacks” from her books, The Secret Handshake and It’s All Politics. 

Here are some other ideas:

1. Enlist allies.  Find others who have also been bullied by the same person and collaborate to plan a strategy about how to respond.  It’s always easier to confront a bully when you have support.
2. Figure out what leverage you may have – is there any action that you can take that will scare the bully into behaving better?  For example,  if he/she is stupid enough to leave an email trail, save the emails (if you think that nobody is that stupid, consider Eliot Spitzer).  Then you can let him/her know that you have documentation that puts him/her/the company at risk.  Note well: don’t back a bully into a corner unless you have proof and are willing to use it.
3. If you don’t think you can prove the bullying behavior and are convinced that the bully is there to stay, plan your exit strategy.  Don’t wait.  If you do, you will be too exhausted and demoralized to put your best foot forward for another position.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, gaining confidence, health issues at work, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate

Remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s wise maxim, “You gain courage and confidence by doing the things you think you cannot do.” 

TAGS: Eleanor Roosevelt, gaining confidence, Risk-taking