Emotions ─ and our ability to control them ─ make all the difference in our negotiations.  And, the more important the negotiation is to us, the more challenging to manage our emotions.  I had a personal experience recently when my temper flared and, as a result, I didn’t get the outcome I wanted.  Yes, I knew better but still fell into the emotion trap.

Deepak Malhotra, Gillian Ku and J. Keith Murnighan’s Harvard Business Review article, “When Winning Is Everything” (May, 2008) discussed the problems negotiators face when they get so emotionally invested in besting the other party that their judgment suffers.  These experts isolate three drivers of what they call “competitive arousal”:

1. intense rivalry, especially when there is “history” between the parties
2. time pressure, a ticking clock increases anxiety
3. being in the spotlight, negotiating while others watch

Dan Ariely’s fascinating book, “Predictably Irrational” also discusses the risk we take when we underestimate the power of emotion; the decisions we make “in the heat of the moment” not only differ than those we make when we are cool, calm and collected but can get us in all sorts of trouble. (more…)

TAGS: business communication, competition, Dan Ariely, Deepak Malhotra, gaining confidence, Gillian Ku, Harvard Business Review, J. Keith Murnighan, negotiation skills, Self-trust