Have you been bullied at work?  If so, you’re not alone. 

Tara Parker-Pope reported in her NY Times column last week that 37% of Americans have been bullied on the job.   Her blog, Well, offered a quiz to help you figure out whether you were a victim of bullying. 

It was fairly obvious that you have been bullied if you answer “yes” to some of the questions,  for example, “Been yelled at or shouted at in a hostile manner?” Others were more subtle, “Been given little or no feedback about your performance?”

As I read the comments, it became clear that many people ignore bullies because they don’t know how to respond to them.  Or at least what to say out loud…But if you don’t deal with them,  of course, they don’t stop - they get worse.  

Kathleen offered some terrific advice the other day about how to play hardball including some “comebacks” from her books, The Secret Handshake and It’s All Politics. 

Here are some other ideas:

1. Enlist allies.  Find others who have also been bullied by the same person and collaborate to plan a strategy about how to respond.  It’s always easier to confront a bully when you have support.
2. Figure out what leverage you may have - is there any action that you can take that will scare the bully into behaving better?  For example,  if he/she is stupid enough to leave an email trail, save the emails (if you think that nobody is that stupid, consider Eliot Spitzer).  Then you can let him/her know that you have documentation that puts him/her/the company at risk.  Note well: don’t back a bully into a corner unless you have proof and are willing to use it.
3. If you don’t think you can prove the bullying behavior and are convinced that the bully is there to stay, plan your exit strategy.  Don’t wait.  If you do, you will be too exhausted and demoralized to put your best foot forward for another position.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, gaining confidence, health issues at work, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate

I’m going through a health challenge right now. And it has given me time to think — especially about whether we make ourselves ill by working too hard, caring too much, multi-tasking, and refusing to pace ourselves. The answer isn’t an easy one. And I doubt that it is any different for men. But I know that just because you work hard doesn’t mean you cause yourself to be ill. Many illnesses are luck of the draw. Your number simply comes up.

Rather than blame ourselves, we should consider what’s best for us personally. We’re all individuals. Some of us can get by on fewer hours of sleep. Others are more organized and get more done in a day. Some of us are terrified by illness, others cope calmly. I think the important thing is to know yourself — to know your limits. If your job constantly pushes those limits, then it’s important to consider options.

Can you delegate more? Are there ways for you to succeed that don’t require constant working? Is it possible that you take on too many tasks, many of which contribute little or nothing to your advancement? How can you change that?  Are you taking care of your health, getting appropriate screenings, and keeping informed so you can push yourself now and then without paying a big price?

These are only a few questions we should ask ourselves — and not only when we’re ill. Who are we trying to please? Is that the right person? And can we achieve what we want to in smarter rather than more physically or mentally demanding ways? This isn’t blaming, it’s applying common sense.

Worth a thought.

TAGS: health blame, health issues at work, ways to work healthy