I had an interesting conversation with Anne Fisher, Ask Annie columnist from Fortune magazine.  We were talking about the presidential election and the differences between Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin.  I came to appreciate the fact that even though I don’t agree with either woman on everything, I do respect them for walking The Thin Pink Line in their own ways.  What I particularly appreciate is having two disparate styles to observe and learn from.  It’s about time we had a choice of role models in the upper echelon of politics. 

If you tend to be serious, cerebral, cautious, and strategic then you most likely see Hillary as a woman who can teach you something.  On the other hand, if you tend to be down to earth, practical, gutsy, and prefer to shoot from the hip, then Sarah models the behaviors you might most want to emulate.  Both women are intelligent, persistent, passionate, and committed to the causes in which they believe — traits we all can admire.  As women, we can appreciate the gifts each brings to the table without necessarily embracing her position on the issues. 

In some ways, this is the time we’ve all been waiting for –having female candidates with distinct personalities and positions in the spotlight.  For too long we’ve all been lumped into the “female” category, regardless of our unique views, communication styles, or personal preferences.  I wish more women would think about this when judging their co-workers.  The myth that women don’t like working for other women still runs rampant.  Sure there are women I wouldn’t want to work for, but there are just as many men I’d avoid as well.  When we finally come to the realization that there are more differences within any one group than there are differences between two groups, we will have taken a giant leap toward equality.

TAGS: Female role models, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin

Carol brought up a very good point (see previous blog comment) — If Hillary’s campaign made 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling, then why is it still intact?  That thing must be miles deep.

Lois described the many ways in which the Clinton campaign and Clinton herself reminded us how to deal with those who would hold women back.

Yet she didn’t win.  She did all those things right and didn’t win.  As Deborah Tannen has written, so much of what she said, did and wore was “marked” — commented upon, ridiculed, taken as indicators of weakness or inconsistency.

What does this teach us?  Does it really tell our daughters that they can be whatever they want to be?

Many women (not just Democrats) feel that something very unseemly and uncivil has taken place.  Many young women have been inspired by Clinton, but hopefully made more wary as they pursue their careers.  They should be wondering if some of what women before them accomplished at great sacrifice is being undone?

We do indeed walk a thin pink line in any job and we’ve seen that there are a vast number of people who want to keep it that way — not just in the media.  In this sense, we’ve been shaken hard — reawakened to snakes in the grass we considered harmless.

Hillary Clinton showed us how to fight back, those who despised her for her gender showed us that they are very much still around.

TAGS: Feminism, gender and leadership, Hillary Clinton, sexism, the thin pink line

A good many women across the country are feeling somewhat confounded about the end of Hillary Clinton’s run. She made mistakes, as did every candidate. But those who argue that sexism had nothing to do with the result are blind or deluding themselves. Eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling, as Clinton described the outcome, was certainly progress. But for those of us who grew up thinking much of the work of equality in respect and regard had been achieved, it was a rude awakening. Certainly sexism is not the only reason why Hillary Clinton did not achieve the nomination, but it played a significant role – especially in the media. We’ll see how this plays out, but she has shown us what strength women have. And she has put us back on our toes, perhaps watching our backs a bit more again, and realizing that some forms of bias die hard.

TAGS: democratic nomination, equality, Hillary Clinton, sexism

Yesterday, I was the morning speaker for the Pennsylvania Bar Association Commission on Women in the Profession.  The conference theme was “Women and Politics” so my talk focused on how women can increase their political capital by negotiating more effectively, whether they are running for public office or not.  Could the timing have been any more interesting given that news that Hillary Clinton has decided to suspend her campaign broke just last night? Yes, there I was in Pennsylvania, a state that had meant so much to the Clinton candidacy, speaking to a group of women lawyers but I must admit I was feeling very depressed about the outcome of the Clinton campaign. 

Then Gerry Ferraro made me feel better.  (more…)

TAGS: Geraldine A. Ferraro, Hillary, Hillary Clinton, media bias, Politics, Women In the Professions, women role models

Dear Hillary:

I hope you won’t find it too familiar to call you by your first name.  Studying you over the past year or so has caused me to feel as if I know you personally – so much more so than after you spent 8 years in the White House as First Lady.  I think that was your intention – to allow Americans to see who you are, not only what you stand for.  Once you opened yourself up to us, we opened our hearts to you.  What a wonderful leadership lesson for both men and women – vulnerability is not a liability but an asset. 

Thank you, Hillary, for the dedication you demonstrated to securing the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.  Do I agree with your stance on all of the issues?  No.  But do I respect and admire you for your selfless dedication to public service and your willingness to put yourself on the line, open to criticism, day after day, month after month?  You bet.  I don’t know how many of us would be willing to show the same courage under fire. 

You showed us in real-time what it means to walk The Thin Pink Line.  Moms, entrepreneurs, business professionals, volunteers, and even authors have learned invaluable lessons in a new brand of feminine leadership from how you handled yourself (and others) during the campaign.  Some of those lessons come from the myriad things you did right — others come from what you could have done differently.  Here’s what I know I will take away from your campaign — and what I hope other women will as well.

1.  We can be strong leaders without losing one ounce of our femininity.  You delivered tough messages fairly and kindly.  You played the game like a woman without playing the gender card.   

2.  We don’t have to acquiesce to louder male voices asking us to relinquish our goals.  By adhering to your vision to compete until every vote was cast and every voice was heard you persevered despite calls to step down.  

3.  Leaders have not only the right, but the responsibility to exhibit their emotions.  Masculine leadership is stoic.  Feminine leadership is genuine.  You showed us that in New Hampshire.

4.  Loyalty can be misplaced.  Like many women, you were loyal to those who showed loyalty to you — even when they  may not have been the best people for the job.  To best serve others, leaders must surround themselves with those who best serve them.  Tough decisions are best made sooner than later. 

5.  Focus on facts, not personalities.  You were at your best when you exhibited your command of the issues and concern for the American public, not reacting to the bait put out by opponents or critics.  Bill’s campaign strategy to counterattack doesn’t work for women leaders.   

6.  Fight fair, fight clean, but fight.  You waged an aggressive, but civilized, campaign.  You showed us that women can (and should) compete to win without going for the jugular. 

7.  Developing a leadership persona takes practice.  Over the course of the campaign the strident, tense Hillary was replaced by a woman with great confidence and ease in front of cameras and crowds.  As a professor once told me, “You demonstrate the self-confidence that comes with repetition.”

Again, thank you, Hillary.  You’ve represented all women, indeed all Americans, well.  You’ve changed the tone of political campaigns from animosity to even-handed competition.  You leave a legacy from which we can all learn and apply to our daily lives.  We look forward to learning even more from you in the years to come.

With gratitude and admiration,

Dr. Lois Frankel

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, Leadership, lessons in leadership, ways women lead

While Hillary Clinton has received praise from people for her willingness to fight and not give up, it’s hard not to wonder whether people are looking at how acceptable it has become to insult women in the press. Surely there will be spillover to the workplace if people who serve as "senior analysts" for once reputable stations like CNN continue refer to Clinton in vile, derogatory ways. I’m not going to write something long about this. It’s just worth wondering whether women will find themselves dealing with more sexism.  After all, that’s what went on in election process in the mainstream media. If it does increase at work, it will be difficult for women to call upon the efforts of feminists to support them as in many quarters they’ve been dismissed as humming an old tune — not in touch with the times — still holding on to grudges when their issues no longer exist. Will we wake up soon and see that indeed people in our culture have become comfortable with patronizing, dismissing, and insulting women because of their gender? I hope not. But watching what has been going on, it’s hard not to think it could indeed happen — especially if women are not paying sufficient attention because they’d rather think those days are over or if they let insults pass to avoid appearing oversensitive. More productive, as always, is nipping put-downs in the bud with a well-turned phrase such as "Maybe you’d like to rephrase that."

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, media bias, sexism, Women at Work

As usual, over the weekend, I had the chance to catch up on some reading – the April 21 issue of New York Magazine was one of the things I read. Amanda Fortini’s article, The Feminist Reawakening, published before the Pennsylvania primary, makes the point that the media treatment of Hillary Clinton not only reminds some women that we still have a long way to come but has had the unintended benefit of making other (younger) women aware of just how thin that pink line really is.

However things turn out for Senator Clinton’s candidacy, this is a good thing. 

TAGS: Feminism, Hillary Clinton, Political skills, Politics, politics at work, power, women leaders, women's equality

When Senator George McGovern decided to cease supporting Hillary Clinton yesterday, that must have hurt her. Of course, she’s a street fighter, and no doubt she has gotten past it as she has other defections from her side. That is one of the impressive things about her. You can see the pain on her face sometimes, but she gets through it and a day or so later she is looking relaxed and rising to the challenge again. Few things bother an opponent more than that skill.

How does she do it? Where does such strength come from?

I’ve been reading a book, The Female Brain, in which Dr. Louann Brizendine, neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, explains that women have superior brain wiring for communication and emotional tones — even as infants. We see more relational subtlety. She argues, as do other researchers, that women and men have different brain sensitivities to stress and conflict. We could argue this for a lifetime, but there is a general perception that women have greater difficulty rebounding from disappointments in close relationships at work.

InThe Secret Handshake and It’s All Politics, though, I’ve written about women becoming “street fighters” and how important that capacity is to moving upward at work. So how do we go from being ultra-sensitive to being able to take a slam at work and get up again tomorrow ready to move on?

It takes a lot of learning the hard way, but here are a few important components: learning from watching others, including men, experience deep disappointment yet successfully move on, thinking about how someone you admire would handle it, getting some mentoring from street fighters, learning some defensive and offensive techniques, and learning how to read between the lines so you can anticipate such negative events before they even happen.

This is a tall order. If handling disappointment at work is one of the more difficult challenges you face, you could consider asking people about their worst disappointment, how they initially thought about it, who they went to for guidance, what they ultimately did and why it worked or didn’t.

Then you have to begin getting past small disappointments (that may seem large at first) so you can prepare yourself for bigger ones. No one escapes pain at work, but you can become better at putting it into perspective. As one T.V. commentator said of politics recently, “If you want a friend, get a dog.” While I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s impossible to make friends at work, it’s wise to know that work usually isn’t the place to look for your best ones.

TAGS: handling disappointment, Hillary Clinton, politics at work, street fighters

Nearly everywhere I speak a woman in the audience asks why women are so difficult to work with/for or why we stab each other in the back.  I always respond that this has never been my experience (my colleagues on The Thin Pink Line and I hope we are testament to the fact that women can be and are each other’s greatest supporters).  Sure there are women who are difficult to be around in any capacity, but then there are just as many men I’d put in that category.  We just expect more from another woman and when she behaves badly toward us it creates a disappointing dissonance between our expectation and reality. 

Then a woman I met at last week’s Raleigh-Durham Chamber of Commerce Women’s Conference forwarded me an article entitled “We Scream.  We Swoon.  How Dumb Can We Get?” by Charlotte Allen writing for The Washington Post.  It almost made me doubt my confidence that women really do support one another.  You’ve got to read the article because there’s no way I can do justice to Ms. Allen’s venom, sarcasm, and condescencion toward women.  When I read it the first time I swore the author was an angry man using a feminine pen name.  I still hope that’s the case.  If not, it makes me wonder if Ms. Allen is projecting onto all women feelings she has about her mother (or perhaps Irish Grandmother) that would be best left for a therapy session.  Her statistics about women, men and cognitive ability are patently false.  And her suggestion that left to our own devices we would gravitate toward home and hearth is ridiculous.  Which just goes to show you can’t believe everything you read.

Next time you think a woman is your worst enemy or you can’t trust women, think again.  The playing field is already artificially narrowed for women.  Each time one of our own plays at the edge she widens the field for all of us — whether we personally like her or not and whether we personally want more space on the field or not.  We should be thanking Hillary Clinton for her efforts on our behalf.  We should put Meg Whitman’s picture on the dollar bill.  We should have a national holiday to celebrate Rosa Parks’,  Wilma Mankiller’s, Margaret Sanger’s and Harriet Tubman’s birthdays.  Are there some women jerks out there? Sure.  Ignore them and you’ll find many more women who can be your allies and advocates.

TAGS: Charlotte Allen, Hillary Clinton, Raleigh-Durham Chamber of Commerce, Washington Post, women not trusting women, women working for women

You’re right about the need for women leaders, Lois. Absolutely! And keep wearing that cap! Most women want a woman to be president someday and Hillary is as close as we’ll come for a very long time. Even if people don’t like her or prefer Obama, the attacks on her by the media are familiar to women. Young, nonthreatening women experience these less. But their day will come. As we’ve seen in the Democratic nomination process, it’s considered acceptable to berate women for what they wear, a hairstyle, their body size, body shape, and so on. I used to teach with Betty Friedan. She’d be up in arms right now with how far back women have been slapped by the current Democratic race. And what has Howard Dean had to say about it. Nothing! How about the other supposedly admirable Democrats? Quiet as church mice. Why? Because it’s working for them.

I’ve written in my books that we’re all at least 75% responsible for how people treat us. If we let ourselves be overlooked, patronized, dismissed, interrupted, and so on, we’re telling people it’s fine to keep doing so.

Is it fine for men to interrupt and talk over women, as Tim Russert and Brian Williams did repeatedly to Hillary Clinton the other night during the “debate”? In fact, research indicates that women are interrupted far more often. If women don’t decry such actions, we’ll all be seeing a lot more of them.

Barack Obama is an impressive man. But he is getting a free ride compared to Hillary Clinton. And many of us have seen that far too often to not recognize it. We won’t have enough women leaders until women as a group insist that we be criticized on substantive issues — the same ones used when judging men. When smirking and laughing together as Obama, Williams and Russert did when Hillary refused to be silenced wasn’t met with the same reactions when Barack went on and on, there’s a double standard. The longer that continues, the fewer women we’ll see in high places. Men will take these affronts as green lights to do the same at work. And of this I’m sure: Insults that come around and go unchallenged, come around again.

TAGS: Barack Obama, Betty Friedan, debate, Hillary Clinton, Tim Russert, women leaders