I received a wonderfully inspiring letter from a reader that I want to share with you:

For the past two years, I’d been working for a Fortune 500 company as a demonstration coordinator.  I loved what I did and discovered a true delight in working with customers and organizing in-store events.   However, when a new store manager was promoted, things at that location rapidly went downhill.  After a few months, no matter what I did, I was criticized up one side and down the other. For a company that boasts about their ”appreciation of team members”, praise was few and far between for anyone at that location.    

• Be a role model for your daughters.  Ask yourself if you would want them to be treated the way you’re being treated at work. 
• Know when it’s time to vote with your feet.  If you’ve tried to turn around a difficult situation and it isn’t working, don’t remain a victim.  Your self-esteem and self-confidence will only suffer.
• Advertise yourself.  I love that this woman created a presentation to sell herself into a job that didn’t even exist!  Go the extra mile and potential employers will see how you add value.
• Be open, creative, and take risks.  The writer found her next job by simply talking to people at a shop she frequented.  Be alert to the opportunities around you.
• Ask.  As this writer found out, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Don’t talk yourself out of a job before you even ask. 

TAGS: Job Search, job transitions, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate

While the food at the Chinese take-out restaurant we’ve been patronizing lately isn’t all that great, their fortune cookies are terrific.  My fortune the other night:

Doing what you like is freedom.  Liking what you do is happiness.

This bit of philosophy made me think of how very important it is to periodically reflect upon how happy you are with the work you do.  Of course, we all have bad days but, overall, you should be able to say that you enjoy the work you do - that, yes, it makes you happy.

If you can’t, perhaps it is a good time to figure out why - and then to change the situation.  Sometimes, you can negotiate for things that will increase your satisfaction, for example, a more challenging assignment or more resources to get the job done.  Or, if the problem is deeper, perhaps it’s time to make a different employment decision…

The main thing to keep in mind is that your career satisfaction matters most to you - nobody else, except perhaps your mom, cares that much.  Don’t let yourself down!

TAGS: career change, career goals, dealing with family expectations, Gratefulness, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, negotiation skills, personal brand building, personal development, ways to work healthy

As I listened to Barack Omaba denounce Jeremiah Wright last week, I was reminded of how difficult it is to walk away from a relationship that was once good and is now bad.

Thankfully, when most of us face the decision about cutting someone loose, we have the luxury to grapple privately with the “when” and “how” to do it yet the “if” is still a struggle.  How do you know when a relationship has become toxic? Is there an acid test? I think there is - when the other person doesn’t consider your interests, only her own, even when you have made it clear that your needs are not being met. 

Consider these situations: (more…)

TAGS: career derailments, communication, gaining confidence, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, politics at work, relationship chips, self-help, Self-trust

Have you been bullied at work?  If so, you’re not alone. 

Tara Parker-Pope reported in her NY Times column last week that 37% of Americans have been bullied on the job.   Her blog, Well, offered a quiz to help you figure out whether you were a victim of bullying. 

It was fairly obvious that you have been bullied if you answer “yes” to some of the questions,  for example, “Been yelled at or shouted at in a hostile manner?” Others were more subtle, “Been given little or no feedback about your performance?”

As I read the comments, it became clear that many people ignore bullies because they don’t know how to respond to them.  Or at least what to say out loud…But if you don’t deal with them,  of course, they don’t stop - they get worse.  

Kathleen offered some terrific advice the other day about how to play hardball including some “comebacks” from her books, The Secret Handshake and It’s All Politics. 

Here are some other ideas:

1. Enlist allies.  Find others who have also been bullied by the same person and collaborate to plan a strategy about how to respond.  It’s always easier to confront a bully when you have support.
2. Figure out what leverage you may have - is there any action that you can take that will scare the bully into behaving better?  For example,  if he/she is stupid enough to leave an email trail, save the emails (if you think that nobody is that stupid, consider Eliot Spitzer).  Then you can let him/her know that you have documentation that puts him/her/the company at risk.  Note well: don’t back a bully into a corner unless you have proof and are willing to use it.
3. If you don’t think you can prove the bullying behavior and are convinced that the bully is there to stay, plan your exit strategy.  Don’t wait.  If you do, you will be too exhausted and demoralized to put your best foot forward for another position.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, gaining confidence, health issues at work, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate

I really appreciated Carol’s comment that getting rich doesn’t mean you have to stay in a job you dread going to each day.  Today I want to address just that — and aim it towards women who may be just out of school or new to the workforce.  A number of months ago Amanda, the daughter of a college friend, wrote to ask me how to handle a boss who treated her disrespectfully, made her run personal errands, and generally speaking didn’t put her education and abilities to good use.  It was her first job out of college and such a disappointing experience for her.  As I told her, when you’ve got a clueless boss (and we all get stuck with them at one time or another) the first step is to speak with him or her about what you need to achieve peak performance that adds value to both the company and the boss.  Don’t even hint the boss is doing something wrong, just talk about what you need to be effective.  It may take a little negotiating and Carol’s e-learning courses (www.negotiatingwomen.com) will provide you with the help you need.  If you do this and nothing changes, you’re left with only three options: put up with it because you’re getting something you need to move ahead in your career (skills, unique experiences, tuition assistance, etc); ask to transfer to another department/boss; or leave. 

In Amanda’s case, she did speak with the boss, nothing changed, and she chose to leave.  It wasn’t an easy transition, but she took some freelance/temp work to hold her over and eventually connected with a recruiter who found her a job with a company she loves working for, where she’s getting lots of good experience in her field, and where she feels useful and appreciated.  If you go the recruiter route, just make sure it’s one where the company pays the fee, not you.   As Amanda told me, “They do all the work for you, even set up your interviews. My agency gave me tips for the interview based on what others said they asked. Plus it was much easier to push for more money when they gave me a formal offer because all negotiation was done through my recruiter. ”

Too many women stay in jobs they dread (or even detest) for too long for fear of making a change.  In the process they become demoralized and their confidence is diminished — and this is a losing combination.  Take a lesson from Amanda — know when it’s time to say good-bye. 

TAGS: Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate