On Sunday as we were driving to the Inn of the Seventh Ray in Topanga Canyon (you’ve got to try it when you’re in Los Angeles) for brunch with our friends Herb and Diane we were talking about how much we were looking forward to the Vice Presidential debates.  I remarked that Joe Biden, with his political seasoning and great oratory abilities, is going to have to be careful not to appear as if he’s attacking or overpowering Sarah Pallin.  Herb said he thought this was a sexist remark on my part, suggesting that Biden should be himself rather than worry about Pallin. Of course the coach in me just had to give a lesson in influence that I think you can benefit from as well.

Strong influence skills do not only stem from the content of your message, but from the delivery as well, and that includes your awareness of the audience and co-communicators.  If Biden steam rolls Pallin his LQ (likeability quotient) will go down.  There are some who see her as the underdog in this debate and Americans don’t like bullies — in fact we often root for the underdog.   Ironically, if Pallin steam rolls Biden her LQ will go up.  It will show that she can go toe-to-toe with the Washington “elite.” 

This is why it’s critical that you assess the situation and people when applying your influence skills.  Here are some tips for how you can be at your influential best:

• Focus on the strengths of your platform, not the weaknesses of others.  Biden will make a huge mistake if he tries to hammer home Pallin’s inexperience.  It will make him appear small and unkind.  The same holds true for you.  By focusing on your strengths, especially in a contest where you outweigh your opponent, not the weaknesses of the other person, you avoid coming across as a bully. 
• Allow others to save face. Some people just don’t get this or can’t bring themselves to do it.  When it’s clear you’ve won the battle, be gracious by not rubbing your opponents nose in your victory.  For example, perhaps you and a colleague each have to make a case for why your individual departments need a bigger share of the budget.  If your colleague comes unprepared, whereas you are on top of your game, you don’t have to use every gun in your arsenal.  Trust your audience to figure it out on their own who the winner is — and by embarassing others you wind up the losing the war even if you win the battle.  A little humility goes a long way.
• Speak the language of the audience.  If you’re a rocket scientist making a pitch for funding to just about any group, you have to speak in simple, easy to understand terms.  The same is true for most of us when we get started talking about our areas of expertise.  More than once I’ve made the mistake of using jargon like ROI (return on investment), OD (organization development) and 360s (360 degree feedback inventory) and been asked to explain what I meant. 
• Let the numbers speak for themselves.  Having the data you need to make your case is more influential than long explanations.  As a client of mine says, “Facts are friendly.”  Even if you’re not a “numbers person” the internet makes it easy to come up with statistics or data to support your case. 
• Limit yourself to 2 - 3 main points.  Most listeners can’t take in more information than that.  If you’re trying to sell an idea or yourself, focus on just the few issues that will gain you the most leverage.  For example, describe how your proposal will save money, make money, or attract new users to your service. 
• Avoid trying to sound “intelligent.”    It will only backfire on you as you stumble over words or phrases that don’t come naturally to you.  It will also make you sound pompous and reduce your LQ.  The feedback I get most often about my books is that they’re “readable” — people feel as if I’m talking to them.  At first I didn’t know how to take it — like maybe they weren’t scholarly enough.  Then I realized that’s exactly how I want readers to feel — like they’re getting good advice from a sister, aunt, or friend.  The strong content lets people know I’m an expert in workplace issues, but it’s packaged in a way people can understand.
• Look people in the eye.  As you glance around an audience, or even if you’re speaking in a small group or one-on-one, spend a few seconds looking each person in the eye.  It’s different than eyes darting all over — you actually connect with people by looking at them in more than a cursory fashion. 
• Consider a short repetitive refrain.   In Sojourner Truth’s famous speech she repeatedly used the phrase, “Ain’t I a woman?” to make the point that she, as a slave, wasn’t treated the same as white women.  It’s was tremendously impactful and memorable.  Remember when James Carville coined the degrading term, “It’s the economy stupid!” to refer to George H. Bush’s lack of understanding of the issues?  We remember that phrase because it was short, to the point, and captured the essence of the problem. 

TAGS: influence skills, Inn of the Seventh Ray, James Carville, Joe Biden, Likeability Quotient, Sarah Pallin, Sojourner Truth, Vice presidential debates