I had the pleasure of meeting with Melanie Billings-Yun and a client of hers last week. Melanie’s written a book called Beyond Dealmaking (which I highly recommend) and is an expert on cross cultural negotiations. She’s lived in London, Paris, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Seoul, Indonesia and Singapore and has first hand experience of how tricky it can be to bridge the cultural divide.

Melanie made the point that negotiating success in a global world is all about understanding and respecting people’s both people’s customs and sensibilities. For example, her book includes a story about Choi, a Korean businessman whose meat importing company had been purchasing meat from a single supplier in Texas for many years. The two companies had an excellent, mutually beneficial relationship. Then, in 1997, when the Asian financial crisis hit Korea and the resulting drop in the value of the Korean currency against the dollar, Choi needed an accommodation from his U.S. supplier. He needed to delay acceptance of the merchandise until orders from his customers picked up and his cash flow improved. The supplier refused, responding through a lawyer’s letter that demanded Choi fulfill the contract as written. Shocked and dismayed, Choi consulted with Melanie. She explained that he shouldn’t take the letter personally ─ sometimes companies go into “autopilot” contract compliance mode in situations like this. But Choi did take it personally, particularly because he had welcomed these supplier into his home when they had visited Korea. Melanie helped him to renegotiate the terms of the contract to those he could manage; he fulfilled his obligations but refused to do any further business with the company.

Refusing to make an accommodation for a business partner in a tight spot usually isn’t the smartest thing to do if you want to continue to do business, regardless of the cultural considerations. But, when dealing with someone who holds the perspective that once you’ve been to his home, you’re a friend, adds a whole new layer of expectations.

As the world continues to shrink, do your homework when dealing with people from other countries, regardless of whether they are colleagues or clients. Pay attention to things that can send messages you didn’t intend. For example, in Asian cultures when someone hands you a business card, it is considered rude to put the card away without taking the time to carefully read it first. Asking yourself, “Who knew?” after making a gaffe like this won’t enhance your image!

Readers, what tips can you share with us from your cross-cultural experiences?

TAGS: Books, cross-cultural, global, LinkedIn

My friend and colleague, Regina Barr, an extraordinary leadership development expert, is offering readers of thethinpinkline a wonderful opportunity:

You may attend The Women at the Top™ Virtual Leadership Development Conference – Amplify Your Success at no charge!

The conference is scheduled daily from 12:00 noon – 1:30 p.m. CST beginning March 22, 2010 through March 26, 2010. This virtual conference will feature 25 experts in five core leadership development areas presented in 90 minute segments over the course of five days.

Topic areas include: interpersonal skills, self management, personal accountability, influencing others, and goal achievement. These topic areas are part of the critical path to leadership success. Learn more here: http://www.redladder.com/WATTvirtualconference. You will be able to listen LIVE over the phone or webcast at no charge.

Participation in the event is FREE but you do need to register here: http://www.redladder.com/WATTmember/Virtual_Conference. In addition, anyone can attend this event so please spread the word far and wide to women in your network.

Don’t miss this!

TAGS: LinkedIn, Women at the Top

A long time ago (before email so a very long time ago), I worked with a woman who was a terrific mentor, leader and coach. One of the things she did consistently was to keep track of days when I had an important client meeting and take the time to leave an encouraging voicemail message to let me know she was thinking of me. She’d personalize the message by pointing out specific reasons that she knew I’d be successful. I can tell you those messages made all the difference to me ─ I walked into many tough meetings feeling self-confident and prepared because Jan had left me a message.

I try to do the same for others now. When someone mentions an upcoming date important to them for some reason, I put it on my calendar and set a reminder for the day before. When the time is right, I leave a voicemail or send an email letting them know that I’m thinking about them. I’ve taken Jan’s lesson one step further and applied it to family and friends as well as colleagues. But as I write that I realize she probably did that too!

More recently, a woman with whom I’m working in a mentoring program for college seniors mentioned that she noted the date her mentee was taking the LSAT and sent him an email the night before to wish him well.  The other mentors thought that was a terrific idea and now it’s been incorporated into the program as a best practice.

Something easy to do that means a lot. Who’d appreciate knowing you are rooting for them?

TAGS: Coaching, encouraging others, friendship, LinkedIn, mentoring

Every time I watch the Olympics, I find it thrilling. Certainly the mastery of the sports awes me ─ the athletes make it look easy but we know it’s not. The desire to be champions is at the core of their success but desire is merely a dream without discipline.

You can’t teach someone the desire to be a champion – and clearly we can’t all be Olympic champions but we can be the best we can be at whatever it is we do. And, we can teach our kids to do the same. If you are a parent trying to raise kids with a strong work ethic, here are some ideas to consider:

• Limit TV ─ “what”, “when” and “where”. I think some TV, even on weeknights after homework was finished is fine but consider this: The Nielsen Company show kids aged 2-5 now spend more than 32 hours a week on average in front of a TV screen. The older segment of that group (ages 6-11) spend a little less time, about 28 hours per week watching TV, due in part that they are more likely to be attending school for longer hours.

Watch it with them and discuss what you saw.

Think carefully before letting your kids have TVs in their rooms, if they do, you lose control of the “what” and the “when”.

• Keep the computer in public space. Computers should be used in a part of the home where your kid may have to IM “pos” (parent over shoulder) at any time.

• Let them know you are interested. Keep up with your kids’ teachers and assignments. I’m a big believer in the role of parent as homework “coach”, not doing the assignment but making the time to check that it’s been done as well as to serve as a resource as needed.

• Be clear about your expectations. They don’t have to get all A’s but they should work to the best of their ability.

TAGS: LinkedIn, work ethic. raising children

Last Sunday’s New York Times carried an article that while not as disturbing as news coverage about Haiti, health care reform and a host of other issues, was disturbing nonetheless. The article, The New Math on Campus, discussed the fact that women outnumber men on America’s college campuses and made the point that although this fact was good news for women with regard to academic achievement, the social implications were less than ideal. According to the article, many young women will do whatever it takes to get a man. Whatever it takes includes “hooking up” for the night and then sending a text, often ignored, offering a reprise. It also means looking the other way when a boyfriend cheats because if she expects fidelity, he’ll disappear.

Wow! What are these women thinking? My conclusion is that they are not thinking at all. If they don’t expect more from a relationship than sex, then that’s all they’ll get. If they are willing to let the men they meet to take advantage of them, then they shouldn’t be surprised when it happens. If they expect respect but don’t respect themselves, it’s not going to happen. I’m a firm believer that anyone, male or female, can “date” (and even marry) if he or she is willing to establish standards that are low enough.

Am I missing something?

TAGS: college, LinkedIn

How long do you sit and wait for an interviewer who is late? Last week, I friend of mine went for an interview. He was politely greeted and escorted into a conference room, isolated from the main work area and unable to see what was going on outside. After fifteen minutes, the interviewer’s admin popped her head in to say that the boss had been delayed but would be right in. After another ten minutes (my friend had decided to leave on the thirty minute mark), the interviewer arrived, apologizing profusely and explaining that a client emergency had tied him up. My friend said he seemed sincere and the interview went well.

I’m sure we’re all struggled with the question of how long to wait for someone who’s late – a client, a colleague, friend. It’s a particular hot button for me since I made a point to arrive on time for appointments. I always factor in time to deal with the unexpected traffic or other things that can cause derailments (I even take the flight earlier than the one that should me there in plenty of time!). Of course, there is no right answer, it all depends on the situation. Yet, the “rule” that sticks with me is the one left over from college – that students only had to wait fifteen minutes for the tardy professor before the class was considered canceled. I think that the question of how long to wait for an interviewer can be handled the same way you’d handle anyone who keeps you waiting.

Some guidelines that may be helpful:

• Is nature throwing curve-balls? While people can (and should) mange bad weather, they often don’t. I tend to cut them some slack when the weather is inclement.
• Did she get you a message? It’s smart to include your cell phone/blackberry/voicemail contact information when you are confirming the meeting so that the other person is able to get you a message advising you of the delay. If you’ve done that and she hasn’t communicated with you, it might be that the delay is a test of your patience or a power tactic.
• How long is the delay? Each of us has to decide how long is long enough. I tend tie my decision to the purpose of the meeting and my schedule for the rest of the day.
• When he gets there, does he apologize? The apology is obligatory, if he doesn’t offer one, it is a red flag – here’s someone who doesn’t value your time.
• How sincere is the apology? The other red flag is a poor apology; it speaks to the person’s character.

Readers, what would you add?

TAGS: Interview skills, Job hunting, Job Search, LinkedIn

Susan Colantuono’s book, No Ceilings, No Walls, is both inspirational and inspired. Practical exercises and tools offer valuable ways women can enhance their leadership skills ─ for example, using the language of power to communicate the value they bring.

But perhaps what makes this book so smart is the emphasis it puts on business acumen as the way for women to demonstrate that they have the “right stuff” to take on leadership roles. Aside from this being the absolute truth, it certainly makes climbing the corporate ladder more accessible.

If you can describe your organization in terms of what Colantuono calls the four “outcome” categories: cash, growth, return and customer, then you’re thinking like a CEO.  If you articulate your company’s strategy in terms of those same four outcomes, then you’ll be seen as a “big picture” person. And if you can read a balance sheet and income statement, then you’ll be able to understand the story the numbers tell and to retell it to others.

Be your own coach yourself using No Ceilings, No Walls as a guide.

TAGS: Books, business acumen, LinkedIn

While the year is still young, there’s one more thing you might consider tackling ─ your resume.

Whether you’re in the job market or not, I believe that everyone should have an updated resume ready at a moment’s notice. You never know when an opportunity will come along; you might be considered for a new role inside your company, a recruiter might call or you might want to join a board. In any of those situations, you don’t want to have to scramble to revise your resume. Time pressed, mistakes creep in, either egregious one such as typos or less obvious ones such as neglecting to add your most recent accomplishments. Have a friend (or two, even better if he/she is in your industry and familiar with the job competencies for the role you have or the one you want) review your revised resume, ask them to go beyond proofing to offer feedback regarding layout and content too. Is it easy to read? Is it clearly written? Does represent you well?

If you’ve been in the job market for a while and have posted your resume online, repost your revised resume, even if nothing has changed except the dates. Prospective employers won’t be impressed with an out-dated resume.

And, on a going forward basis, take time at the end of each month to write down your accomplishments ─ if you wait too long, it’s likely you’ll forget some of the wonderful things you’ve done! Not only will the list you create make your next resume revision easier, it will help support your performance evaluation.

Updating your resume is one relatively easy thing you can do to proactively manage your career. Think of how happy you’ll be when you’ve finished it!

TAGS: Job hunting, Job Search, LinkedIn, Resume writing

Jackie is an attractive, 35 year old woman who’s been dating Dave for the last three years. They have discussed marriage – often. But Dave is still not ready although he is 36 years old, gainfully employed and legally free to marry. After their last conversation about the subject, Jackie told him that since she wasn’t getting what she needed from the relationship─ a ring─ that it was finally time for her to break it off for good. Dave protested, assuring her that he loved her but couldn’t commit to marriage just yet. Jackie stood her ground and told him that, while she wished it could be different, that breaking-up was the only solution.

Jackie and Dave had broken up before over this subject but it didn’t stick. They would find each other online at the same time and re-engage by chatting via AOL Instant Messenger. A few chats later, they’d be back together. This time though, Jackie wanted to prevent herself from falling back into the usual pattern so she uninstalled the AIM software from her computer. She hasn’t seen Dave in months and is now dating someone else.

What Can We Learn From Jackie?

• Know what you want.
  If you don’t know what you want, you can’t get it. You shouldn’t “settle” with regard to things that are important to you.
• Don’t expect that people will read your mind; you have to communicate what you want.
  While you may think your interests are completely clear, don’t assume that the person with whom you are trying to reach agreement gets it. Don’t take chances, tell him/her.
• Help yourself
  Think about the patterns of behavior that have led you in the wrong direction in the past and change them. While you can surely figure out another way to get yourself back into the same bad situation, at least it won’t be as easy.

I don’t mean to minimize the heart break that this kind of situation causes; it’s been a long time but I remember well how it feels to be involved in a break up. Yet, sometimes there’s “nothing behind Door #2″. Let’s Make a Deal was a TV game show where the contestant had to choose one of three closed doors to open; often, the host would try to raise the stakes by offering more prizes if the contestant would give up the door he/she had originally picked. Very few people did. They stuck with their original selection even when another of the two doors was opened to reveal the grand prize. People get stuck, often stubbornly sticking to a person that they know is not the right one. Sometimes, as difficult as it is, it’s best to move on.

TAGS: break-up, LinkedIn, relationships

Making decisions can be difficult. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve talked with several women who were in the process of making a decision ─ some small (should I select the “Northern Air” or the “Mediterranean Sky”? color blue to paint my living room?), others larger (should I take a new job which will require me to move across the country?) and some very important indeed (should I change the treatment I’m receiving for a serious medical condition?).

Even when the decision is small, some struggle.

I googled the phrase “decision making” and got close to 81,000,000 results. And Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink about how sometimes the best decisions are made in an instant became a best seller ─ fueled by the need so many have to improve their decision making ability.

So here are some decision-making tips:

• Put It In Perspective
  Luckily, most of the decisions we make are not irrevocable nor life-threatening. We can change our minds if it turns out that we were wrong. Whew!

• Information Is Power
  Whether you are buying a car or a major appliance, weighing a job offer, choosing a school or daycare provider or doing research about a health condition, find out as much as you can. The internet makes this much easier; one survey of Americans showed that 45% of those online do research before they make a major decision.

  You don’t have to rely only on the internet, however. Talk with people who have information or experience. If the decision you’re making is an important one, get expert guidance.

• Over-thinking Doesn’t Make A Better Decision
  Once you’ve gathered the information you need, weigh the pros and cons and come to a conclusion. The more you ruminate, the greater the chance that you will second guess yourself. You know what they say about scoring well on a multiple choice test ─ your first answer is usually the right one.

• Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself
  If it turns out that the decision you made didn’t turn out well, don’t beat yourself up. Chances are that you made the best choice you could with the information you had. If you didn’t do your homework, feel free to resolve to do better next time though.

• Celebrate the Right Decisions You Make
  Build your decision-making confidence by noting it when you make a decision you are happy with. I suggest you keep a list of these good decisions─ and refer to it whenever you are doubting yourself.

TAGS: decision-making, decisions, LinkedIn