It was a treat to be asked for an interview by Cleo Thompson who writes the Gender Agenda for PricewaterhouseCoopers.  Cleo asks great questions and gave me the opportunity to think out loud about the critical importance of negotiation skills. 

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, negotiation skills, the thin pink line

Yesterday I attended a session called “Flexing the Workplace: New Ways to Get Work Done and Build Careers” spearheaded by Deborah Epstein Henry of Flex-time Lawyers and sponsored by the National Association of Women Lawyers. 

As you can probably guess from the title, the speakers discussed both research and recommendations for the ways that law firms can adapt and change to meet the demands of both men and women who don’t want to do things in the same way that they’ve always been done.

The issues are complicated.  And to make it even more challenging, law firms are culturally steeped in precedent and tradition so that change can be very painful. Patricia Gillette, co-founder of the Opt In Project and a wonderful speaker, quoted Carly Fiorina: “Change is like heaven; everyone wants to go there but nobody wants to die.”  So policies that allow for flexible work schedules don’t come easy.

But even if you work in a company that has managed to establish such policies, they don’t help unless you can actually use them without damaging your career.  The senior leadership in your firm has undoubtedly supported these policies because they make smart business sense.  But those below in the pecking order may not have the “big picture” in mind - these “frozen middle” people can make actually using flexible work policies difficult if not impossible.

That’s where negotiation comes in - it’s the way you can melt the ice. Three tips:

1. Be prepared. 
   The conversation you will have with your manager should help him or her to wholeheartedly support your decision. You have to be very clear about how you will continue to meet business objectives under the new arrangement.
2. Be aware. 
   Think about how your decision will affect your colleagues.  Will anyone be disaffected?  If so, how can you proactively manage the situation before resentment starts to fester?
3. Be firm. 
   While an occasional emergency may require that you respond immediately, think about how you can manage things so that the flexible schedule that you have designed doesn’t get eroded.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, flexibility, Negotiation, negotiation skills, The National Association of Women Lawyers, The Opt In Project, Women In the Professions, work life balance

With all the talk of economic instability, it may seem untoward to be thinking about how to ask for a raise but if you have demonstrated the value you bring to your company, it very well may be feasible.  In fact, smart companies are more likely to want to keep their top talent satisfied in challenging times.

The May/June issue of Pink Magazine (cited here before) included 2007 survey results which indicated that 51% of women had asked for a raise, perk or promotion (down from 54% in 2006).  And it paid to ask - of those who did, 79% heard “yes”.

When you get ready to broach the subject, start by benchmarking what you should be paid.  Penelope Trunk (The Brazen Careerist) mentioned a few online sources she recommends in a recent post. This step is critical for women who get much better outcomes when they negotiate for themselves armed with good information. 

TAGS: Economy, income, income disparity, negotiating pay, Negotiation, negotiation skills, Penelope Trunk, recession, strategies for success, Women and Money, women's equality

While the food at the Chinese take-out restaurant we’ve been patronizing lately isn’t all that great, their fortune cookies are terrific.  My fortune the other night:

Doing what you like is freedom.  Liking what you do is happiness.

This bit of philosophy made me think of how very important it is to periodically reflect upon how happy you are with the work you do.  Of course, we all have bad days but, overall, you should be able to say that you enjoy the work you do - that, yes, it makes you happy.

If you can’t, perhaps it is a good time to figure out why - and then to change the situation.  Sometimes, you can negotiate for things that will increase your satisfaction, for example, a more challenging assignment or more resources to get the job done.  Or, if the problem is deeper, perhaps it’s time to make a different employment decision…

The main thing to keep in mind is that your career satisfaction matters most to you - nobody else, except perhaps your mom, cares that much.  Don’t let yourself down!

TAGS: career change, career goals, dealing with family expectations, Gratefulness, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, negotiation skills, personal brand building, personal development, ways to work healthy

Emotions ─ and our ability to control them ─ make all the difference in our negotiations.  And, the more important the negotiation is to us, the more challenging to manage our emotions.  I had a personal experience recently when my temper flared and, as a result, I didn’t get the outcome I wanted.  Yes, I knew better but still fell into the emotion trap.

Deepak Malhotra, Gillian Ku and J. Keith Murnighan’s Harvard Business Review article, “When Winning Is Everything” (May, 2008) discussed the problems negotiators face when they get so emotionally invested in besting the other party that their judgment suffers.  These experts isolate three drivers of what they call “competitive arousal”:

1. intense rivalry, especially when there is “history” between the parties
2. time pressure, a ticking clock increases anxiety
3. being in the spotlight, negotiating while others watch

Dan Ariely’s fascinating book, “Predictably Irrational” also discusses the risk we take when we underestimate the power of emotion; the decisions we make “in the heat of the moment” not only differ than those we make when we are cool, calm and collected but can get us in all sorts of trouble. (more…)

TAGS: business communication, competition, Dan Ariely, Deepak Malhotra, gaining confidence, Gillian Ku, Harvard Business Review, J. Keith Murnighan, negotiation skills, Self-trust

I’ve often thought it odd that people seem to be more reluctant to talk about their income than their sex lives-but that may be changing.  The NY Times reported yesterday that young people are more likely to share information about salary information (see Not-So-Personal Finance).  This trend is good news for women; the more women know about what others are making, the more likely they are to ask for what they are worth.

As you may know, the gender gap in pay affects not only older women but younger women as well.  For example, starting salaries of men with MBAs are 7.6% higher than those for women. Only 7% of women, but 57% of men asked for more money; those who negotiated increased starting salaries by 7.4%.

One of the things that makes the difference for women is good information.  So, keep up the sharing!

TAGS: differences between women and men, Fairness at work, financial planning, gaining confidence, negotiating pay, negotiation skills, Pay Disparity, Women at Work, women's equality

But you’ve got to say “no” sometimes and accept that the other person isn’t going to be happy.  I had to do it twice last week — and I did not enjoy it.  Nonetheless, I realized that my interests would not be met if I said yes.

One of the ways women can get in our own way is to try to make others happy at our own expense. Way too often we are so focused on building relationships with others that we forget that we too should expect — and get — consideration. (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, communication, Communication Skills, negotiation skills, Political skills, Risk-taking, ways to work healthy, women, women and power, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders

Although I spent much of my career working predominantly with men, I’ve been spoiled over the past few years by having the privilege of speaking mostly to women’s groups and working with women. Why do I say spoiled?  Because it’s a joy to work with people who want to learn, grow, and even laugh at themselves.  I love that about women.  We’re not too proud to admit what we don’t know.  How could we be?  We’ve spent our lives hearing about our shortcomings and what makes us less capable than the other half of the humans inhabiting the planet.  Guys, on the other hand, have the most marvelous way of rationalizing ineptitude.  I mean that.  I wish I could be as good at it.  Like the day a friend and I were put in a golf foursome with two men we didn’t know.  The first fellow tees off and the shot hooks into the woods.  “Ohhh.  That’s too bad,” I said with empathy.  What does this guy reply?  Are you ready?  “It wasn’t a bad shot.  It just didn’t go where I wanted it to go.”  Yeah.  Right.

It’s not by accident that publishers are delighted when authors write self-help books for women.  Women buy far more of these books than men.   And this means not only do we know what we don’t know, we want to fix it!  Ya gotta love that.  Men?  Not only don’t they not know what they don’t know, they don’t want to know (did you follow that?).  I have a little internal gauge that tells me how much resistance I encounter in a day.  It’s a gauge that either screams for one good glass of chardonnay (an indication that I’m exhausted by the resistance) or has me high from the day’s activities (which means I experienced a day filled with the give and take of ideas and information).  Now I’m not saying I mind resistance — I believe it’s one way human beings maintain equilibrium.  A healthy degree of skepticism keeps you from throwing the baby out with the bath water.  But I have noticed that my supply of chardonnay lasts a lot longer when I work with women. 

So, girlfriends, keep up the self-exploration, continue to be open to feedback, and show the willingness to go outside your comfort zone if it means you’ll move one step closer to your personal or professional goals.  Here are some great organizations that can help you to achieve your best:

Personal growth and leadership development: www.ntl.org

Public speaking: www.toastmasters.org  

Negotiation skills: www.negotiatingwomen.org

Individual coaching:  www.coachfederation.org

Company-sponsored coaching & team building: www.corporatecoachingintl.com

Exploring career change:  www.vocationvacations.com

I know from experience that personal development is hard work — but you’re up to it.  And as the little girl who spent all day shoveling horse manure responds when asked what she’s doing, “With all this manure I know there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere.”

TAGS: career change, Coaching, leadership development, men rationalizing, Negotiation, negotiation skills, personal development, self-help, team building, women learning