As I listened to Barack Omaba denounce Jeremiah Wright last week, I was reminded of how difficult it is to walk away from a relationship that was once good and is now bad.

Thankfully, when most of us face the decision about cutting someone loose, we have the luxury to grapple privately with the “when” and “how” to do it yet the “if” is still a struggle.  How do you know when a relationship has become toxic? Is there an acid test? I think there is - when the other person doesn’t consider your interests, only her own, even when you have made it clear that your needs are not being met. 

Consider these situations: (more…)

TAGS: career derailments, communication, gaining confidence, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, politics at work, relationship chips, self-help, Self-trust

I love blogging with Kathleen, Carol and Liz.  I especially love that they challenge me with their perspectives that are different than my own and help me to grow.  Kathleen and I were talking the other day about someone Kathleen knew and I asked if she thought this person might help us with a project we were working on.  She thought for a moment and then said she didn’t think we should ask this person for help on this particular project.  When I asked why not she explained that this person could actually be a lot more help to us at another time.  Kathleen didn’t want to “cash in” one of her relationship chips on something that wouldn’t have a big enough pay off.  She also felt this person wouldn’t get enough out of it to make it worth her while.  I got it!  If you’re going to ask a favor, make sure it’s worth the chip you’re cashing in and make sure the person will see it as something valuable to them.  In other words, use your relationships strategically and ensure the quid pro quo (what’s being exchanged) is of equal value.  It was a great lesson in how to maximize political skills. 

TAGS: Political skills, relationship chips