You’ve probably been stuck in traffic as we were yesterday, driving from Manhattan to Long Island on the Long Island Expressway, a highway that has been called “the world’s longest parking lot”. As my husband drove (he is an excellent driver- no sudden stops or gratuitous lane changing), I started thinking about negotiation - believe it or not, I made some connections:
- We’ve driven this same route many, many times before; we know the road. When you have experience, you can anticipate the bottlenecks and adjust accordingly. Even when you are in new territory, you can check the map before you begin the journey. When you negotiate, think about the issues that are likely to cause a slowdown and some creative ways you might be able to get around them.
- Speeding up and slowing down usually doesn’t get you there any faster- and directly correlates to spikes in blood pressure. Trying to get too much done in any negotiation meeting also can backfire - a steady pace allows you and the other party to accomplish more in less time, with less stress.
- While you don’t know which of the other drivers will behave badly, you can be sure that some will. Reacting in kind is not only counter-productive, it is downright dangerous. If emotions weren’t such a big factor in negotiations, people would much more easily come to agreement (consider divorce settlements as an extreme example!). Before you start a negotiation, know your own emotional triggers and try to learn as much as you can about the other party’s as well.
While these tips won’t make the traffic (or the issues to be resolved) magically disappear, getting there will be easier.
TAGS: negotiators, women and anger
Why is it that so many Americans have a difficult time with smart, strong, and sometimes angry, Black women? Has it ever occurred to them that Black women have good reason to be angry? Comments like this one made by Ms. Obama, “For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country,” shouldn’t be feared or reviled but welcomed because they express what many others are thinking but are afraid to say. Black women are more likely to be single Moms, live in poverty, and have a more difficult time getting their “corner offices” (forget about them getting the Oval Office for a while) than their White counterparts. That alone would be enough to make me angry.
As an executive coach I’ve seen first-hand the struggle Black women have in the workplace. If they dare to express themselves in clear, no uncertain terms they’re labeled as “problem employees.” Co-workers and management don’t quite know what to do with them. But they’re not the problem, a society that wants all women — especially Black ones — to stay in their places with smiles on their faces is the problem. Black women walk The Thin Pink Line every day — and more so than the rest of us.
I guarantee you that Obama’s handlers, wanting to get their man elected, are going to expect Michelle to dumb down, quiet down, and settle down. Laura Bush and Barbara Bush did. Nancy Reagan exerted herself in stereotypically feminine ways that were acceptable. And poor Pat Nixon just shrank into herself. Even Hillary made herself scarce after the healthcare debacle. Michelle scares people — and we need scaring. Social change isn’t created by the meek but by the bold. By those who have the courage to take risks and speak their minds. Michelle’s voice will help not only Black women, but all Americans whose voices have been quieted by small minds with big mouths. Whether or not you’re an Obama fan you should be encouraging Mrs. O to remain true to her beliefs and her values. She’s out there widening the playing field for all of us.
TAGS: Barbara Bush, Black women, Laura Bush, Michelle Obama, Nancy Reagan, Pat Nixon, women and anger
I was never a fan of Sex in the City, but based on box office revenues this past week-end a lot of women are. Apparently Lauren Hutton is not one of them. The morning DJ on my local oldies radio station, KRTH, said Hutton “lost it” on the Today Show so I decided to find out what that was all about. You can watch the segment by clicking here and decide for yourself. Personally, I think she has strong feelings but wouldn’t say she lost it. It’s a little like saying Hillary had a melt down in New Hampshire. Why is it when a woman expresses strong feelings men can’t handle it? If you really listen to Hutton, there are kernels of truth in what she says. Is Sex and the City a realistic representation of women’s lives in 2008? Is it purely entertainment? Is it encouragement to women who are 40 + ? Or, as Hutton suggests, is it a manifestation of how men view women? It’s your call.
TAGS: Lauren Hutton, Sex in the City, The Today Show, women and anger
