I used to teach with Betty Friedan and this week I was reading through her autobiography, Life So Far. It reminded me of all women have gone through to get the right to vote and to achieve fairness in hiring and paying of women for the same work men do. We’re not there yet by a long stretch. And that seems odd. Women my age and younger, especially younger, often think that those women did what had to be done and now it’s just a matter of maintenance. If you really look though at things like the recent Supreme Court decision in the Ledbetter case determining that pay discrimination must be noticed within the first 180 days after its occurrence, you see how easily progress can slip away.

All the more reason to be aware very early on about matters of pay and merit raise increases. Sometimes that means doing research — asking people who work with you who would know pay and raise ranges. There are laws on the books to protect women from discriminatory practices, but being aware of what is going on around you all along, from before being hired, until you leave is what really can provide protection. And then there is no need to resort to legal remedies.

This is, however, where many women feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to be seen as making trouble. Well, there’s trouble and there’s trouble. One way or the other and some time or another, there usually is trouble at work so it’s best to nip what you can in the bud. Reading the tea leaves is how I refer to this talent in “The Secret Handshake.” It’s an acquired skill. But no time like the present to start practicing!

TAGS: Pay Disparity, Political skills, Women and Money

If you don’t have all the money you need to live your life the way you want, free from concerns about money (my definition of rich) it could be that you’re suffering from one of the following personality traits that aren’t fatal, but are flaws. 

The Hoarder

The good news is that hoarders actually save money, but they don’t invest it or take the time to build budgets that would help them to enjoy their money.  They’re so afraid of becoming bag ladies, they stash away money without thinking about how investing could yield substantially more wealth.  Similarly, they won’t buy things that would allow them to enjoy life a little more because they see it as frivolous or themselves as undeserving.  Whatever the reasons, The Hoarder isn’t living a rich life, even if her bank account says that she can.

The Ostrich

The Ostrich would rather not know how much money she has – or doesn’t have.  As long as there are checks in her checkbook she doesn’t even THINK about money.  She doesn’t keep tabs on bank statements or investments, nor does she take the time to learn about how she could live a richer life by managing her assets better.  She often lives paycheck-to-paycheck, content with knowing she has enough to make it through another month.

The Spender

Money burns a hole in the pocket of The Spender.  Sometimes it’s money she has and sometimes it’s money she gets from various sources of credit – often putting her into deep debt.  The Spender may be exhibiting compulsive behavior. Psychological help could be needed to assist her with diminishing the compulsive spending. Although on the surface it appears that The Spender is leading a rich life, when you scratch below she may not have a liquid nickel to her name and be in for a huge change in lifestyle if she loses her job or when she gets ready to retire.

The Abdicator

At least The Abdicator has the wisdom to get someone to help her manage her money. The bad news is that she turns over full responsibility to that person and rarely checks on how her money is doing.  The Abdicator may hire a professional financial advisor or just turn her money over to a spouse or significant other.  Once she does, however, she washes her hands of it and expects someone else to look out for her best interests.  Once she does look into how her money is doing, it’s often too late – she finds she’s been taken advantage of by either unscrupulous or well-meaning but ineffective advisors. 

The Do-Gooder

Money means little to The Do-Gooder other than having enough of it to loan or give away to people in need.  She may have learned in childhood that “money can’t make you happy” or think that giving away money makes people like her.  In either case, she sees little value in accumulating it.  The Do-Gooder often ignores my maxim, “You can simultaneously do good and do well.”

TAGS: living a rich life, nice girls don't get rich, personality types, Women and Money

Liz’s post made me think; if I had to put myself on the continum between tightwad and spendthrift, there’s no doubt that I’d fall on the spendthrift side.  My husband, on the other hand, would not.  I am grateful that neither of us is too far from the middle, yet our predilections have certainly led to some less than fun conversations over the years.

And we’re not alone.  Some sources say that money disagreements are a factor in 90% of breakups.  Of course, money alone is not usually the issue - underlying the disagreements are all kinds of personal baggage as well as concerns about how the partners treat one another.  M.P. Dunleavy wrote an article for the New York Times the other day where she disclosed that her husband had been throwing out catalogs addressed to her before she saw them.  It seems his rationale was that what she didn’t see, she couldn’t shop for.  Hnmmmm…. (more…)

TAGS: communication, financial freedom, personal finance, Women and Money

Every time I write about couples and money, I get emails from misogynists taking me to task for suggesting males might overspend. Everybody knows, these gentlemen proclaim, that women are the real spendthrifts.

My email bag begs to differ. I hear from plenty of women who despair about their partners’ inability to control their spending.

A recent paper from the folks at the Wharton School sheds some interesting light on the topic. These researchers constructed a “Tightwad to Spendthrift” continuum and invited people to take a test to see where they landed.

• Overall, 24% landed on the “tightwad” end of the spectrum, which basically means that they find it painful to spend money.  The researchers proposed “that an anticipatory pain of paying drives ‘tightwads’ to spend less than they would ideally like to spend.”
• In contrast, the 15% of respondents who wound up in the “spendthrift” category ”experience too little pain of paying and typically spend more than they would ideally like to spend.”
• The rest of those polled (60%) wound up in the “unconflicted” category. (That doesn’t mean they don’t have money issues, credit card debt or inadequate savings, by the way; it just means that in the hypothetical situations they spent neither more or less than they considered ideal.)

Interestingly, women in the survey were just as likely to be defined as tightwads (20%) as they were spendthrifts (19%). But men were far more likely to be tightwads (29%) than they were spendthrifts (11%).

Of course, this is just one study of self-selected participants who found their way to the Internet test and spent the time to take it. That falls a bit short of the rigor one would expect of scientific polling.

Still, it’s food for thought. What I found more interesting than the gender differences was the fact that so many more people, men and women, wound up on the tightwad end of the scale than on the spendthrift side. For all the attention given to impulse spending and compulsive shoppers, these results indicate that many folks are–as the researchers put it–”frustratingly unable to indulge themselves.”

The key to successful money management is balance, and many people don’t have it. Whether you spend too much or too little, it’s worth the time and effort to address your financial issues.

TAGS: compulsive spending, differences between women and men, spendthrift, tightwad, Women and Money

I gave an interview the other day to Daryl Hannah of Diversity Inc with some advice for those negotiating a job offer.  Here’s the piece he wrote.

TAGS: Interview skills, negotiating pay, Women and Money

At some point, many of us will face the onerous task of emptying out our parents’ or other elderly relatives’ homes–either because they’ve died or they’ve moved into assisted living.

It’s a huge job, and it often falls to women: often the daughters, sometimes the daughters-in-law or, as was recently the case of our family, to the sisters.

Trying to deal with a house packed with stuff is a struggle when your life is already a busy one, with a career, children and a spouse to juggle. At best, it’s a big time drain and a distraction. Add in the emotional trauma, the exhaustion of caring for the elderly relative and perhaps some sibling tension, and you’ve got the recipe for a traumatic experience.

Appraiser Julie Hall says it doesn’t have to be a nightmare, though, and I agree after reading her excellent book, “The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.” I interviewed her recently and captured some of her best advice for my recent MSN column, “How to get rid of your folks’ stuff.”

She has practical ideas for managing the actual clear-out, but some of her best tips have to do with prevention. If it’s too late to help your folks, help your kids by:

• Decluttering now. If you haven’t used it in a year, get rid of it. Sites like Unclutterer.com can help provide tips and motivation.
• Give away heirlooms while you’re alive to enjoy the reaction.
• Make a master list of who gets what. You need a will, of course, but you won’t necessarily list every item of sentimental or financial value there. Create a master list and get your kids’ input of who wants what, then you make any hard decisions, so they won’t have to.

TAGS: parents, women, Women and Money

With all the talk of economic instability, it may seem untoward to be thinking about how to ask for a raise but if you have demonstrated the value you bring to your company, it very well may be feasible.  In fact, smart companies are more likely to want to keep their top talent satisfied in challenging times.

The May/June issue of Pink Magazine (cited here before) included 2007 survey results which indicated that 51% of women had asked for a raise, perk or promotion (down from 54% in 2006).  And it paid to ask - of those who did, 79% heard “yes”.

When you get ready to broach the subject, start by benchmarking what you should be paid.  Penelope Trunk (The Brazen Careerist) mentioned a few online sources she recommends in a recent post. This step is critical for women who get much better outcomes when they negotiate for themselves armed with good information. 

TAGS: Economy, income, income disparity, negotiating pay, Negotiation, negotiation skills, Penelope Trunk, recession, strategies for success, Women and Money, women's equality

Are You Playing Full Out? It’s an important question. Your response determines whether you’re creating the life of your dreams or settling for mediocrity. From my interviews with financially successful women, I learned there are two games to play:

• The Underearning Game
• The High Earning Game

The Underearning Game is called Not To Lose. The goal is to stay safe, look good, and be comfortable. The way to play is by avoiding uneasiness or fear.
 
The High Earning game is called To Win. The goal is to go as far as you can with all that you got, and when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. The only way to play the high earning game is to play full out.
 
Problem is, sometimes it’s hard to tell which game you’re actually playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, when later it hits me—I was fooling myself. I really wasn’t playing a true full out.  So I devised the following list to help you assess which game you’re really playing. 
 
Ten Signs I’m Playing Full Out
 

1. I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
2. I am so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted or scattered by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
3. I am willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, embarrassment, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
4. I am always doing things I’ve never done before and/or don’t want to do.
5. I make at least one unreasonable (i.e. scary) request a week.
6. I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means rocking the boat or upsetting another.
7. I regularly seek out support, and refuse to spend time with or discuss my dream with naysayers (even if they’re related)
8. Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I try to justify not doing it.)
9. I am rigorous about the thoughts that I think and the words that I use, making sure they’re positive, supportive, and appreciative (of myself and others).
10. I take time to relax and pamper myself so I don’t burn out. 
    What do you think of this list? Is there anything you’d add? 

The Thin Pink Line thanks Barbara for today’s guest blog.  Visit Barbara at her website www.barbarastanny.com and her blog www.barbarastanny.wordpress.com.

TAGS: Barbara Stanny, overcoming underearning, Women and Money