Women make great coaches, but we often don’t call ourselves that.  Whether you coach a child how to ride a bicycle, an elderly parent how to remain safe in their own home, or an employee how to do an even better job, you coach.  We’re particularly good at coaching because many of the things I’ve listed below come naturally to us. Here are 7 tips for how to do it more consciously and confidently:

1.  It’s all in the relationship.  You can’t coach if you don’t have a strong, positive relationship with the person being coached.  Without the relationship people just assume you’re being critical.

2.   Religously follow the 7:1 rule.  This is another way to avoid being perceived as overly critical.  You must give seven pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of developmental feedback.  Catch people in the act of doing things right — no matter how simple — and positively reinforce it.

3.   Be clear about expectations.  When you delegate projects or ask for something to be done, discuss timelines, outcomes, and how success will be measured.  Don’t expect others to read your mind.  For example, rather than say, “I need you to work with the graphics people to design a sales brochure,” say, “By January 1 we need a new sales brochure.  II’d like you to manage the project.  Start by working with our graphics people to get several design possibilities that include our products, customer testimonials, and easy ordering instructions.  Then let’s review them together, choose the best one and meet the deadline. .”  Now you have been specific enough to hold the person accountable for deliverables. 

4.   Coach when you observe behavior that can be improved.  Major league coaches don’t wait until the end of the season to give feedback.  They give it after every play, inning, and game.  If you coach regularly you won’t wind up lumping and dumping: lumping together every area that needs improvement and dumping on the person at one time.  For those of you who manage, this also makes the annual performance review a lot easier. 

5.   Coach people onto the playing field.  Both life and work are playing fields.  Depending on your values or those of your company there are boundaries, strategies, and rules that govern how to win the game.  Don’t think in terms of what someone is doing wrong, think in terms of how you can get the person onto the field and within bounds so that they can succeed at whatever they’re doing. 

6.   Coach the hard skills and the soft skills.  Soft skills are the intangible ones.  Like being honest, friendly, approachable, kind, etc.  They’re harder to coach because you can’t “see” them as clearly as you can the hard skills (such as brushing teeth, coming home on time, delivering reports on time, etc.).  But the soft skills are equally important for success.  To coach the soft skills observe behavior, put words to it, indicate the possible impact the behavior has on others, then re-direct toward more appropriate behavior.  For example, “I noticed you yell at Linda today.  It made her look afraid.  If you don’t want people to be afraid it would work better to cool off before saying anything then engaged in a productive discussion.”

7.   Prepare for every coaching session — regardless of who you’re coaching.  Whether it’s a child, a volunteer or a direct report, choose your words carefully.  Try putting your coaching comments into the framework of what’s working and where the person is getting stuck.  This minimizes the judgmental aspect of coaching and emphasizes behavior rather than characteristics.  You’re not saying that Jane is a bad girl because she threw sand in Sally’s face, you’re saying that behavior isn’t consistent with how you treat people in your family. 

For a free copy of my Coach-the-Coach Questionnaire and Coaching Effectiveness Inventory contact me at info@drloisfrankel.com. 

TAGS: Coaching, coaching children, developing people, feedback, women as coaches