Last week, the following question came up:

“What advice do you have about negotiating deadlines? I know that my boss creates arbitrary deadlines driven by his anxiety, not by client demand. I am concerned that if I set any limits, particularly because I am a mother, I will be perceived as less than committed to my job.”

Many of us have faced this dilemma — how to handle a boss who makes it difficult to manage deadlines realistically way and a life simultaneously. Every situation is different but here are some considerations that may prove helpful:

• Don’t take it personally.
  Research shows that the question of whether a woman’s personal life will interfere with her dedication and commitment to her job is still common in the workplace. It is clear that there is a “motherhood penalty” — and ironically enough, even women who do not have children are viewed suspiciously. After all, someday they may become mothers!

  So, this is not about you specifically. Rather, as a woman, you are dealing with deeply ingrained stereotypes about the role of women in the workplace, particularly in client service organizations.

• Recognize you’re in a negotiation.
  The goal is to find a way to meet the needs of all of the parties involved — the client, the boss and you. If you just stay late without trying to change the paradigm, your needs will not be met and eventually your frustration will grow.
• Assume good intentions.
  Chances are your boss is not just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. Put yourself in his or her shoes – what are the likely concerns? If you are able to empathize, it’s easier to come up with creative solutions.
• Learn as much as you can.
  Gather information about how others have managed similar deadlines. What can you learn from their experiences? Approach people in your strategic network to ask for advice about both the personalities involved and the situation itself.
  
• Sit on the same side of the table.
  This should not be “your” problem. It really should be a shared problem since you are a valued member of the team, whose needs matter too. The challenge is to help others to see that solving the problem benefits them as well as it does you. That requires that you have a mindset focused on engaging your boss to collaborate with you. What steps can you and she, as a team take to ensure the work gets done well and that you can leave at a reasonable time? Perhaps she can offer additional resources to assist you. Perhaps she can take some other, less important responsibilities off your plate. This is where creativity counts but it takes two to tango.

Readers, what other advice would you add?

TAGS: LinkedIn, Women at Work, work life balance

I’ll never forget my experience with a truly bad colleague. The warning signs were there but I just didn’t believe them.

I was part of a team of people who interviewed her before she was hired. She impressed me — experienced, intelligent, knowledgeable, and witty.  With no reservations, I recommended that she be hired. To my boss’s dismay, she turned down the job. A couple of months later, however, she was back. She said she had made a mistake, that the position (it was still open!) was indeed a good fit and asked us to renew the offer we’d made. My boss was hesitant but I felt so strongly that she was a great choice that I talked him into it.

Things were fine for a while. Then we started to work together on a client engagement she was leading because it was squarely in her area of expertise. Part of the project included interviewing client senior executives regarding the Company’s strategy, current situation as well as learning more about the challenges they faced. She agreed to create “interview guides” that we would both use so that the approach we used to gather data would be consistent as well as the data itself. She failed to deliver and when I told her I was concerned that I didn’t have the experience to “wing it”, she assured me that I could observe as she conducted the first few sessions so that I could learn the methodology. Not wanting to make waves, I agreed. (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, colleagues, difficult economy, gaining confidence, sabotage, Women at Work

Wow! Sue Shellenbarger recently wrote in the Wall Street Journal Frontlines Blog about a new study on executive women and the critical support they receive at home. Titled “The Man Behind the Woman”, the researchers report the results of a series of interviews conducted with 20 executive women. To these women, emotional support trumped everything else including help with household duties and family members. To them, an empathetic ear at home helped them to manage the high stress their careers created.

Are you surprised? You don’t have to be Meg Whitman or Andrea Jung to benefit from a concerned, sympathetic significant other.

But what can you do if your partner’s ear isn’t well tuned to hear your work-related challenges? A bit of coaching is in order: (more…)

TAGS: home, partners, significant others, spouses, support, Women at Work

< ! /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} > < ! [endif] > Yesterday I spoke with a woman who has served as a mentor for many in her company. She told me that she’s being asked to mentor yet another person and, at this point, is ready to just say “no”. Why is she reluctant to take on another mentee? Yes, of course she is busy, but that’s not the whole story.  The other reason is that she is tired of giving and getting nothing in return. Hannah Seligson in a recent New York Times piece, Girl Power at School, but Not at the Office suggested that forming a strategic network is a key thing that young women (indeed, all women!) should do.  She cautioned about asking too much too soon from a prospective mentor:

I can tell you that it doesn’t work to go up to someone and say, “Will you be my mentor?” That’s the workplace equivalent of “Will you be my boyfriend? A more organic approach – saying something like, “Can I pick your brain about some ways to transition out of my entry-level position in the next year?” – has been much more effective for me.

Hannah is so right.   Strong mentoring relationships grow over time with proper care and attention.  When thinking about approaching a potential mentor, consider the following: (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, Coaching Tips, mentors, Women at Work

Politics aside, Adam Nagourney’s piece on John McCain’s management style in Sunday’s New York Times made me think of bad bosses.  He reports that Jill Hazelbaker, McCain’s campaign spokeswoman, had a strong reaction to the fact that McCain had thrown her under the bus by publicly disagreeing with her when she implemented a strategy he had previously agreed to. Reportedly, Hazelbaker was so displeased that she refused to take his apology call. 

You too may have had the experience of having to deal with a boss who says one thing in private and something else in public, particularly when things get tough. You know, the boss who says, “Tell that client we won’t budge on the price!” but caves when the client calls him directly. Or the boss who tells you that you have 15 minutes on the agenda to present at the meeting but interrupts you after only five minutes have elapsed.

What to do when it happens again?

• Don’t react in the moment. Take a deep breath. Do not show your frustration in your tone of voice or body language either.
• Reflect carefully. Is this a one-time mistake or, as it seems it is in McCain’s case, a recurring pattern? If it is the former and not too grievous, you may decide to ignore it and move on. If it is a pattern, you’ve got a problem.
• Try to figure out why he/she did it. Did he simply forget what you had agreed to? Did she change her mind because she got more information? Or did he decide to save himself at your expense?
• Decide how, when and where to broach the subject. Usually, face to face meetings are the best choice but an email or phone call may be your method of choice in some situations. Pick a time (after you’ve cooled down) when you can get his/her uninterrupted attention and when you won’t feel rushed. Meet in a quiet place where you can have a private conversation.

Two days later, a follow-up Nagourney article on McCain’s campaign, identified the spokesperson as Brian Rogers ─ I wonder what happened to Hazelbaker? If you often find yourself under the bus, you may want to find a new boss. It’s not healthy to breathe exhaust fumes regularly!

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, Coaching Tips, dealing with passive aggressive people, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, loyalty at work, politics at work, self-esteem, Women at Work, Women In the Professions

The Wall Street Journal is all abuzz about Barbara Desoer who has recently been asked by Ken Lewis, Bank of America’s CEO, to take over its troubled mortgage business.  Not only is the mortgage lending business generally in trouble due to the state of the US economy but Bank of America’s mortgage business has the added burden of trying to swallow the problems of the recently acquired Countrywide Financial.  Carol Hymowitz’s Front Line blog asks readers to comment on their experiences regarding taking on high risk roles that have afforded them an opportunity to advance. 

One woman’s story (see the comment by risk taker)  reminded me about the glass cliff research I wrote about  a couple of weeks ago in conjunction with a post about Erin Callan.  While she writes that she did the right thing for herself and that it was worth it, she also describes her boss as “difficult”, noting, “when things went right he tended to take the credit”.   She also is very clear that there was a high personal cost. (more…)

TAGS: corner office, new to the job, playing to win, Risk-taking, The Wall Street Journal, Women and Careers, Women at Work, women leaders, women role models

Erin Callan, the highest ranking and most visible woman on Wall Street, lost her job as chief financial officer at Lehman Brothers last week.  Suddenly.  The New York Times reported, “On Monday, Ms. Callan ended her call with analysts by saying, “I’m going to be happy to be back here talking to you again next week,’ she said.  On Thursday morning, however, Ms. Callan gathered belongings from her office and drove to her house in East Hampton on Long Island…”

Whether she was removed as reported by the Times or she voluntarily stepped down as the Wall Street Journal states, it is clear that she didn’t last long in the role.  Callan, a former tax lawyer and investment banker took the CFO job in December, 2007.  In an article for the Wall Street Journal last month, Suzanne Craig quoted Joseph Gregory, her mentor (who also lost his job as Lehman’s #2) as saying the company made a “leap” when it gave her the CFO job but that it wanted someone who could “really explain Lehman’s story.”

Have you heard of the glass cliff research?  It’s about the phenomenon that women are more likely to be appointed to leadership roles that carry a great deal of risk of failure.  It seems pretty clear that Lehman had some problems in December when Callan took the CFO role; the Lehman story she had to tell wasn’t very pretty. 

So what can we learn from this story? 

1. Don’t be too quick to say “yes” when an opportunity comes long.  Take some time to assess the situation carefully.
2. Don’t be seduced by the title or the trappings of the job. Ask plenty of questions including: “Why me?” and ”Why now?”
3. Think about the potential challenges you will face if you do take the job and figure out what you wlll need to mitigate the risk you face.  Then negotiate for that support and those resources.

It may be that Erin Callan knew exactly how steep the glass cliff was but the fall must still hurt.

TAGS: corner office, managing your career, Negotiation, new to the job, playing to win, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Women and Careers, Women at Work, women leaders

The Pink May/June issue includes the results of a poll the magazine did of more than 2500 women who attended a series of conferences in six cities during 2007. Among the findings is that 98% of those polled believed that they have a responsibility to help other women.

So, if you too feel a responsibility to make the workplace a better place for other women, don’t just think about it, take action.

• If your company has a formal mentoring program, consider participating in it. If it doesn’t, think about starting one. Or at least mentor another woman on an informal basis.
• If your company has a women’s affinity group, join it. Volunteer to help in whatever capacity you can.
• If you lead people, be sure you offer the same opportunities to the women on your team as you do to the men. Don’t be blindsided by the gender schemas that affect both men and women.

What other suggestions do you have? What kinds of help have you given to other woman? Let’s make each other’s day!

TAGS: competition, Cultural diversity, look and sound of leadership, servant leadership, Volunteering at work, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders, women not trusting women, women role models, women working for women

While Hillary Clinton has received praise from people for her willingness to fight and not give up, it’s hard not to wonder whether people are looking at how acceptable it has become to insult women in the press. Surely there will be spillover to the workplace if people who serve as "senior analysts" for once reputable stations like CNN continue refer to Clinton in vile, derogatory ways. I’m not going to write something long about this. It’s just worth wondering whether women will find themselves dealing with more sexism.  After all, that’s what went on in election process in the mainstream media. If it does increase at work, it will be difficult for women to call upon the efforts of feminists to support them as in many quarters they’ve been dismissed as humming an old tune — not in touch with the times — still holding on to grudges when their issues no longer exist. Will we wake up soon and see that indeed people in our culture have become comfortable with patronizing, dismissing, and insulting women because of their gender? I hope not. But watching what has been going on, it’s hard not to think it could indeed happen — especially if women are not paying sufficient attention because they’d rather think those days are over or if they let insults pass to avoid appearing oversensitive. More productive, as always, is nipping put-downs in the bud with a well-turned phrase such as "Maybe you’d like to rephrase that."

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, media bias, sexism, Women at Work

I had dinner recently with a cousin; she mentioned how difficult it is for her to manage all the demands on her time.  I shared this matrix (inspired by Steven Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) with her:

Here’s how you can use this tool to keep your focus and accomplish the things that are important to do: (more…)

TAGS: career cache, focus, Stephen Covey, time, ways to work healthy, Women at Work