Politics aside, Adam Nagourney’s piece on John McCain’s management style in Sunday’s New York Times made me think of bad bosses.  He reports that Jill Hazelbaker, McCain’s campaign spokeswoman, had a strong reaction to the fact that McCain had thrown her under the bus by publicly disagreeing with her when she implemented a strategy he had previously agreed to. Reportedly, Hazelbaker was so displeased that she refused to take his apology call. 

You too may have had the experience of having to deal with a boss who says one thing in private and something else in public, particularly when things get tough. You know, the boss who says, “Tell that client we won’t budge on the price!” but caves when the client calls him directly. Or the boss who tells you that you have 15 minutes on the agenda to present at the meeting but interrupts you after only five minutes have elapsed.

What to do when it happens again?

• Don’t react in the moment. Take a deep breath. Do not show your frustration in your tone of voice or body language either.
• Reflect carefully. Is this a one-time mistake or, as it seems it is in McCain’s case, a recurring pattern? If it is the former and not too grievous, you may decide to ignore it and move on. If it is a pattern, you’ve got a problem.
• Try to figure out why he/she did it. Did he simply forget what you had agreed to? Did she change her mind because she got more information? Or did he decide to save himself at your expense?
• Decide how, when and where to broach the subject. Usually, face to face meetings are the best choice but an email or phone call may be your method of choice in some situations. Pick a time (after you’ve cooled down) when you can get his/her uninterrupted attention and when you won’t feel rushed. Meet in a quiet place where you can have a private conversation.

Two days later, a follow-up Nagourney article on McCain’s campaign, identified the spokesperson as Brian Rogers ─ I wonder what happened to Hazelbaker? If you often find yourself under the bus, you may want to find a new boss. It’s not healthy to breathe exhaust fumes regularly!

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, Coaching Tips, dealing with passive aggressive people, Leaving a bad boss or a job you hate, loyalty at work, politics at work, self-esteem, Women at Work, Women In the Professions

Yesterday I attended a session called “Flexing the Workplace: New Ways to Get Work Done and Build Careers” spearheaded by Deborah Epstein Henry of Flex-time Lawyers and sponsored by the National Association of Women Lawyers. 

As you can probably guess from the title, the speakers discussed both research and recommendations for the ways that law firms can adapt and change to meet the demands of both men and women who don’t want to do things in the same way that they’ve always been done.

The issues are complicated.  And to make it even more challenging, law firms are culturally steeped in precedent and tradition so that change can be very painful. Patricia Gillette, co-founder of the Opt In Project and a wonderful speaker, quoted Carly Fiorina: “Change is like heaven; everyone wants to go there but nobody wants to die.”  So policies that allow for flexible work schedules don’t come easy.

But even if you work in a company that has managed to establish such policies, they don’t help unless you can actually use them without damaging your career.  The senior leadership in your firm has undoubtedly supported these policies because they make smart business sense.  But those below in the pecking order may not have the “big picture” in mind - these “frozen middle” people can make actually using flexible work policies difficult if not impossible.

That’s where negotiation comes in - it’s the way you can melt the ice. Three tips:

1. Be prepared. 
   The conversation you will have with your manager should help him or her to wholeheartedly support your decision. You have to be very clear about how you will continue to meet business objectives under the new arrangement.
2. Be aware. 
   Think about how your decision will affect your colleagues.  Will anyone be disaffected?  If so, how can you proactively manage the situation before resentment starts to fester?
3. Be firm. 
   While an occasional emergency may require that you respond immediately, think about how you can manage things so that the flexible schedule that you have designed doesn’t get eroded.

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, career derailment, Fairness at work, flexibility, Negotiation, negotiation skills, The National Association of Women Lawyers, The Opt In Project, Women In the Professions, work life balance

Yesterday, I was the morning speaker for the Pennsylvania Bar Association Commission on Women in the Profession.  The conference theme was “Women and Politics” so my talk focused on how women can increase their political capital by negotiating more effectively, whether they are running for public office or not.  Could the timing have been any more interesting given that news that Hillary Clinton has decided to suspend her campaign broke just last night? Yes, there I was in Pennsylvania, a state that had meant so much to the Clinton candidacy, speaking to a group of women lawyers but I must admit I was feeling very depressed about the outcome of the Clinton campaign. 

Then Gerry Ferraro made me feel better.  (more…)

TAGS: Geraldine A. Ferraro, Hillary, Hillary Clinton, media bias, Politics, Women In the Professions, women role models

The Pink May/June issue includes the results of a poll the magazine did of more than 2500 women who attended a series of conferences in six cities during 2007. Among the findings is that 98% of those polled believed that they have a responsibility to help other women.

So, if you too feel a responsibility to make the workplace a better place for other women, don’t just think about it, take action.

• If your company has a formal mentoring program, consider participating in it. If it doesn’t, think about starting one. Or at least mentor another woman on an informal basis.
• If your company has a women’s affinity group, join it. Volunteer to help in whatever capacity you can.
• If you lead people, be sure you offer the same opportunities to the women on your team as you do to the men. Don’t be blindsided by the gender schemas that affect both men and women.

What other suggestions do you have? What kinds of help have you given to other woman? Let’s make each other’s day!

TAGS: competition, Cultural diversity, look and sound of leadership, servant leadership, Volunteering at work, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders, women not trusting women, women role models, women working for women

But you’ve got to say “no” sometimes and accept that the other person isn’t going to be happy.  I had to do it twice last week — and I did not enjoy it.  Nonetheless, I realized that my interests would not be met if I said yes.

One of the ways women can get in our own way is to try to make others happy at our own expense. Way too often we are so focused on building relationships with others that we forget that we too should expect — and get — consideration. (more…)

TAGS: Building workplace relationships, communication, Communication Skills, negotiation skills, Political skills, Risk-taking, ways to work healthy, women, women and power, Women at Work, Women In the Professions, women leaders

Tonight I received an e-mail from my dear friend Itje Suryono from Jakarta, Indonesia.  I had not heard from her in a while and was worried.  I wrote to several mutual friends in Jakarta inquiring into her well-being and finally she responded.  We started off as client/consultant and soon realized we were kindred spirits.  I’ve known Itje for over 20 years and have learned so much from her.  Most of all I’ve learned that around the world we women are so much more similar than we are different. In tonight’s e-mail she apologized for not writing but that she “was getting old.”  How many of us feel the exact same way?  There is so much to do and so little time that we just get tuckered out.  Over the years I learned from Itje that we may worship different entities and speak different languages but at the heart of it all we want the best for our families, wish we had more time for our friends, and suffer the eccentricities of our bosses and husbands.  I wish more women within other countries understood this notion.  We look different, but feel the same.  We share the same concerns.  We struggle with the same challenges.  You don’t have to go half way around the world to figure this out.  I invite our international visitors to talk about their challenges so that we may all learn from — and help one another — to be even better than we already are.

TAGS: global issues, international women's issues, Jakarta, Women In the Professions, women's challenges

Dr. Stanley Fish wrote a facinating post today (Think Again , his NY Times blog) about the hatred some people hold for Hillary Clinton.  Dr. Fish characterizes  it as “crazy”; I agree. 

So, is it merely crazy people who have a problem with Hillary Clinton, a strong woman?

Eve Tahmincioglu reminds us of the Elle/MSNBC survey results originally published in March, 2007 that reported both men and women who expressed a preference, preferred to work for a man.

(more…)

TAGS: Coaching Tips, Women at Work, Women In the Professions